Grant Me This Wish
by MelodicMadness
Summary: The first few months of captaincy were supposed to be a breeze for Jim Kirk, but when he has to balance uncooperative aliens, an angry Starfleet, and his faltering friendship with Spock, things become a lot more complicated. K/S.
1. Chapter 1

_-Star Trek was created by Gene Roddenberry. I do not own it in any shape or form.-_

_**Grant Me This Wish**_

_Rated: T_

_Pairing: Eventual K/S_

_Warnings: Some violence, language, the K/S takes a while to develop._

xxxx

_Chapter One_

xxxx

Jim hated visiting the sickbay, even when he wasn't the one who was injured. But Jim decided to swallow his hatred for the sterile room—he had an officer who was suffering and he didn't want to bear it anymore.

During the entire walk from the bridge to the sickbay, Jim's mind was only on that one officer: Spock.

Now, he hadn't know Spock for too long before the _Narada_ incident—in fact, it was only for a couple of days— but he knew enough about Vulcans in general to notice that his first officer was extremely unfocused and losing a lot of sleep. However, Jim wasn't a doctor and he didn't want to confront Spock about it. Besides, for all he knew, Spock probably still hated him for beating the Kobayashi Maru.

Jim glanced into the doors of the sickbay and scanned the area for the familiar figure. After walking into the room a little further, he spotted Bones in his office, doing some paperwork.

After walking up to him, Jim spoke up, "Hey, Bones. You got a few?"

The doctor turned around and nodded his head. "Yeah, sure. Is something the matter?"

_Here goes nothing,_ Jim thought as he crossed his arms. "Yeah, just not with me."

Bones' eyebrow reached for his hairline. "Who is it, then?"

Jim hesitated. Maybe he should ask one of the nurses instead. "You won't laugh or anything?"

"Jim, if someone on this ship is in pain, I wanna know who it is."

Jim sighed and dropped his weight into the nearest chair. "It's about Spock."

Bones' expression hardened, his mouth forming a firm line as his eyebrows furrowed. "So, you noticed too, huh?"

Jim wasn't expecting that reply, but he decided to mask his surprise. "Yeah. I mean, I know it's not much of my business and it's probably some Vulcan thing I'll never understand, but I just don't like seeing him so… so stressed out."

"I know what you mean. He's been skipping out on meals and working overtime, and he's avoiding his check-ups."

"Wait, he is?"

Bones nodded. "Yep, every single one of them. Of course, it only proves that something is wrong with him if he's disobeying the CMO's orders. Then again, maybe he'd listen better if I wasn't the one harassing him."

"I don't think I'd have much luck, either."

"He'd listen to you better."

"You really think that?" His gaze wandered off, recalling how reticent Spock was around all his fellow crew members. He only spoke when it involved his duties aboard the ship, or when he was in the mood to argue with his captain.

"You're his captain, but most of all, you're one of the very few people on this ship he respects. Well, if you call that stuck-up attitude of his respect."

Jim was still skeptical, but if Bones believed that he had a chance, then he had nothing to lose. "What if I end up just pissing him off and he tries choking me again?"

"You have a communicator. Use it."

Jim couldn't help but smile at his friend's joke. "Thanks, Bones."

"For what? You still have to talk to Spock," he said. He then added in a growl, "And if you _do_ figure out his problem, try to send his disagreeable ass over here for his check up. If he avoids it any longer I may just have to use a sedative on him and drag him here."

Jim smiled. "Yes, sir."

xxxx

After Jim returned to the bridge, Spock stood up from the captain's chair to resume his normal station. Jim stopped him before he reached it though and said quietly in his ear, "After our shift is over, I would like to have a small word with you." The Vulcan raised an eyebrow in question, and Jim quickly added, "No, you're not in trouble or anything."

Spock acquiesced with an even quieter voice than Jim's. "Very well, Captain."

Jim took his seat.

As he sat there, he tried to figure out how to ask his question without insulting Spock or coming off as too nosy. Communicator or not, he didn't want to be asphyxiated again.

With two hours still remaining until he could hand over his duties to someone else, he had more than enough time to come up with the perfect tactic. And yet the numbers on the chronometer increased faster than he wanted and by the end of the two hours, he found himself without confidence and feeling a little nervous.

Spock already headed for the lift and Jim had to quicken his pace to catch up with him before the door closed. Once inside, he lost all the courage he had been preparing. Whether he meant it or not, Spock's calm demeanor was intimidating. "Er, Spock-"

The lift doors opened to admit two more of the crew. His first officer turned to face him. "Captain, you have not yet determined a meeting place. Already the lift has passed any levels that contain acceptable rooms."

Jim replied before any more comments could be thrown in. "Oh, my quarters." It was more of a disjointed thought than a reply, though, and Spock had to tell the computer the exact floor they desired. Jim cursed himself for lacking the balls to think properly and attempted to straighten his back out and regain his confident composure.

The two crewmen tried their best to avoid making eye contact with Spock. But they did exchange confused glances. It wasn't everyday the captain dragged his first officer to his quarters.

"Good afternoon, gentlemen," Jim said.

"Er, good afternoon. Sir. Mr. Spock," one of them spoke. The other one quickly chimed in with the same reply.

Jim wondered if Spock's aura was just extra intimidating today.

When the lift reached the correct floor, Jim and Spock strode out of it, in step and in silence. Jim glanced again at the Vulcan, noticing that no one, not even a being fully capable on controlling emotions, could hide the fatigue and exhaustion painted on his face.

Jim had to help him somehow.

When they reached his quarters, Spock was the first to take a seat, anticipating whatever Jim had to say. Although Jim told him that he wasn't in any trouble, he found it hard to believe that. All the other times Jim wanted to speak with him was due to his unwillingness to comply or his refusal of an order he deemed too illogical.

He definitely did not expect the concern in Jim's voice when he opened his mouth to speak.

"What's been keeping you up at night, Spock?"

Despite his attempts to be sincere, Jim could almost see the emotional barriers constructing around Spock. The line of his lips became even firmer as he attempted to cover up both his emotional and physical fatigue.

Jim tried again. "You don't have to tell me, but something is upsetting you and it's worrying me."

Spock wanted to lie. He wanted to tell him not to worry about his well being, tell him that nothing was keeping him up at night. But something in the captain's bright blue eyes told him that he could trust this human. He may have been able to help.

Spock remained silent, despite the logic he found in opening up to Jim. He knew that he would not be able to hold up his walls any longer, with the accumulated number of hours of sleep he had lost over the past four weeks. The image of his dying planet refused to give him any peace.

Jim was patient. He was surprised that Spock was even contemplating speaking to him about personal affairs. He didn't want to speak too soon. He was reminded of the time he reached his hand out too soon to pet a calf before it could take the food from his hand and it ran away in surprise.

A few more minutes later, and Spock spoke:

"When I beamed down to Vulcan to rescue the elders, it was the first time I had been on my home planet in four years." His body became rigid, trying to fight back, telling him to let go of this human need to talk about emotional burdens, but he continued. His voice trembled, almost as if it were attempting to stop him from speaking. "It was also the first time my mother had seen me in four years." The image of Amanda's smile flashed through his mind. He missed that smile almost as much as he missed her. But soon the image turned into the helpless and broken frown that overtook her face when both she and Spock noticed the rock beginning to crumble beneath her feet.

Spock paused, trying to calm his nerves, and all Jim could do was watch— watch as he began to understand the nightmares that plagued his colleague—no, his friend's dreams.

Despite everyone's belief, he knew that Spock felt emotions, perhaps more deeply than any human.

He watched helplessly, wanting to give comfort but afraid to do so.

Spock managed to block off the images of his mother's last living moments before he was able to continue speaking. "Out of those one thousand, four hundred days, I could have reserved just a fraction of that amount to visit my mother. Doing so would not have made me any less competent as a Starfleet officer." He clenched his fists. "Despite the obvious truth that we cannot predict the future, I never anticipated the death of either her or Vulcan." His eyes shone with more emotion than Jim had ever seen before. A pain that couldn't be said with just words. "She gave birth to me. She would hold me after I returned home from the scorn of the other Vulcan children. She told me countless times that she accepted my mixed heritage."

His voice was quiet, weak. It was also remorseful.

"The single woman in this universe—the only being in this universe who gave love to me when I was unwilling to accept it, is now gone. Forever."

The last word hit the silence. Jim's pained expression reflected Spock's. He didn't know what to say. There was _nothing _he could say. Hesitantly and gradually, he did what most humans would have done; he placed one hand atop of Spock's folded hands that were resting on the table.

Spock did not pull away. He felt some comfort through the touch.

"I doubt she was aware of my gratitude for the support she gave me as a child and as an adult. I was unable to express it."

Jim translated that as, "she probably died thinking I hated her."

"Spock, I'm sure she knew that—" he paused, afraid to use the next word. "I'm sure she knew that you loved her."

Spock did not say anything. Instead he focused on the large amount of energy he felt just from the simple skin contact with Jim's hand. How could Jim be so sure? He never knew Amanda Grayson. Yet Spock did not doubt his words, for he knew it all along, but hearing someone else say it just made the strength of those words more powerful.

He already revealed so much about what he had been feeling the past month. He decided he might as well continue with the rest. "Soon after the destruction of Vulcan, Nyota noticed my distress. My attempts to meditate failed and did not assuage my state of mind. She suggested a mind meld so that I would be able to gather tranquility from her thoughts. However, the attempt did not bring desirable results. Our minds were not completely compatible. Instead, the sorrow that she felt for my loss was only compiled with my already unordered thoughts. I find it near impossible to successfully meditate now and it is apparent my attempts to regain stability have failed."

At that point there were many words Jim wanted to say, offer comfort in any way he could. His mind shuffled through all responses and landed on one.

"Do you want to try a mind meld with me, then?"

The question was uttered before he fully understood what he had just asked.

A month and a half was not enough time to get to know a person, and for Vulcans it was definitely not a time frame where you ask such questions. Yet just the calm rush he received from touching Jim's hand made him wonder what Jim's mind could offer him. His logical side, now suffering greatly from the emotional weight, protested greatly. His human side that sought out comfort so desperately, fortunately, was the side to speak up.

Slowly he nodded under the blue gaze and slipped his hand out from under his captain's, already missing the support and Jim already missing the warmth. With that same hand, he brought it up to touch Jim's face, placing it so carefully that it seemed he was expecting to receive an electrical shock upon contact.

Jim heard the Vulcan whisper something in his native tongue and soon afterward his mind felt the presence of another soul. Then he felt all the emotions it carried with it- fear, anguish, regret. Any emotion that could suffocate a heart was present in Spock's. The pain struck Jim deep in his own heart and he had to stop tears from gathering in his eyes.

_lost. i am a fool. i never said but i want to mother come back, comeback. mother i love you. i need you please whereareyou? come back please come back ineedyou._

'_Your mother's in a better place now.'_

_it hurts. it hurts so much. make it stop make it stop. the pain is too muchithurtsithurts stop the pain…._

Jim cradled the dim light and lent all the strength he had within himself.

'_It's okay, Spock. You don't have to hurt anymore. I'll take away the pain for you. I'm here for you.'_

An image of Amanda—

_Your mother never doubted your love for her. Even now, as long as she's in your heart, she'll always know that you love her._

Perhaps it was minutes, or perhaps it was hours. Jim remained with Spock, giving him all the comfort he could offer. He wasn't backing down until he knew that Spock was better. Again he repeated his thoughts, telling Spock, reminding him that his mother never doubted his love.

Jim could feel the mind within his own quieting down.

Spock got to the point where he could order his thoughts again. The pain persisted, but he attempted to ignore it. He began exploring bits of Jim's mind, drawn in by the strength of his thoughts. He didn't intend on becoming so absorbed in it, but when he did, he was surprised.

_Our mind… they are completely compatible._

Jim nearly gasped when Spock abruptly pulled his hand away and severed the meld. He felt dizzy for a few seconds until he could fully focus on the face before him. Spock's deep brown eyes stared at him with surprise.

Spock opened his mouth to say something, but found that he was completely without words.

Was this real? Was Jim's mind truly the match to his own?

It was practically a myth. Any Vulcan who found another individual whose mind was completely compatible with his had found more than a bond mate. They found, in the most literal sense, a soul mate.

Spock stood up quickly, surprising Jim in the process. "Thank you for your assistance. I believe I am able to meditate properly now."

"Oh, uh, no problem I guess." Jim felt a cold presence— rather, lack of presence— in his mind. He stood up, trying to find more words to say. He could sense that Spock was scared now and no longer surprised. But scared of what? What made him slip on his mask so quickly?

"I will return to my room, if I am now excused."

"Uh, yeah. Go ahead."

Spock gave a small nod then left the room.

Jim remained standing in the same spot, his eyes stuck on the door where he last had a glimpse of Spock.

The silence in his mind become more prominent as he subconsciously searched for the soul that departed so quickly from his own. The efforts were useless and his thoughts echoed off the naked walls of his skull, bringing to him a new sense of loneliness.

It brought a cold shiver up his spine.


	2. Chapter 2

_I do not own Star Trek, and I definitely don't make money off of this._

xxxx

_Chapter Two_

_xxxx_

Jim didn't realize he was keeping count until he happened to glance at the date. He sighed as he thought; _It's been a whole month..._

Spock became distant after the meld and would occupy himself with as much work as he could get away with, just to avoid seeing his captain. Jim even noticed his coldness toward Nyota and he couldn't help but wonder if their relationship had ended or would soon end.

Despite Spock's coldness, the meld was still a fresh memory in his mind- the warmth, the support, the realization that he didn't have to live his whole life alone. He missed the feeling of wholeness it had offered.

His reputation for being a playboy quickly died when he realized that he only ever had one night flings in the past because it was his only way of finding company. No one really wanted a serious relationship with a troublemaker, so one night was better than none.

Also, no one on this ship could offer what Spock had given him, that gift that felt too perfect to be real.

Jim shook his head in disappointment. _A whole damn month. This has gone on long enough._

He quickly got dressed and left his quarters, and since it was still too early to head to the bridge for duty, he attempted to locate Spock. The rec room yielded no success, and the mess hall, Jim realized, was a silly place to check since Spock rarely ate breakfast. In fact, he barely ate at all.

Finally, success welcomed Jim as he glanced into the science lab. There stood the Vulcan, stiff and proper as usual. Although his countenance looked better than it did the last time they had had a serious talk, Spock once again failed to conceal that he still hadn't been getting enough rest.

Jim cautiously walked up to Spock and began quietly, "Spock."

An eyebrow raised itself as he turned his head to acknowledge Jim. "Yes, Captain?"

"I think we really need to talk."

"This is neither the place nor the time, Captain."

Jim's gaze hardened as he picked up on the tone Spock used. He really didn't want to exercise his authority.

"I know, not right now. Just meet me during lunch in my quarters."

"Is there a particular reason for this decision?"

Jim couldn't believe that those same brown eyes had once held an endless amount of emotion in them. For at that moment, they regarded him with no interest and definitely no respect.

"Come on, just look at this last month."

"I still see no reason," Spock quickly replied, and Jim realized that he wasn't able to keep the friendly tone with him any longer.

Spock remained still as a board but Jim's stance changed as he crossed him arms and shot his first officer a glare. He held back another sigh as he spoke again. "Just meet me in my quarters at the beginning of lunch."

"Whatever you may think the problem is I assure you-"

"That's an _order_, Mr. Spock. And I expect it to be followed."

He spotted some irritation in the Vulcan that time, but all Spock did was nod his head once then turn back to his work.

With nothing else to say, Jim turned to leave. He glanced once more back at Spock with a scowl before leaving the room.

xxxx

"Sir, incoming transmission from Starfleet," Nyota said, spinning in her chair to get a better look at her captain.

"Send it through, Lieutenant."

"Yes, sir."

On the viewscreen before them, a rather thin man, perhaps around the age of fifty, appeared. His eyes glanced around the bridge before landing on Jim. He cleared his throat. "Captain Kirk."

"Admiral Nogura," Jim replied, remembering that slouching in his command chair wasn't very professional and quickly straightening his back.

"It wasn't my decision, and you will no doubt be dissatisfied with the news, but your current assignment is being handed over to the _USS Shikahr._"

Confusion covered Jim's face. "May I ask why, sir?"

"Because you're being given new orders," he replied, and then continued, "As you know, the Federation has weakened considerably over these past couple of months. We don't know how much longer we can continue like this until some enemy out their spots our weakness and decides to take advantage of it. We've recently established contact with sentient beings on the planet Aronor II, and it looks like they'll be a good addition to the Federation. Now, we just need you to pay them a little visit and convince them to join us.

Jim rolled his eyes and spoke before Nogura could continue. "You can't have another ship do this?

"Kirk, this is more than just gathering around the campfire and sharing ghost stories. We need these guys on our side, and you have the best team of scientists, diplomats, linguists—god, _everything_— so if some trouble pops up, knock on wood, your people will know how to deal with it. We're not sending you to punish you. We're sending you because you're our best hope."

Jim nodded as he finally complied. "Well, it's not like I could refuse. When do you want us to depart for the planet?"

"As soon as possible. I have sent the coordinates of Aronor II along with a document containing all the details of the assignment."

"Understood."

Nogura said one more thing before he cut off his transmission. "Oh, and Kirk, don't go wishing for too many exciting things. Space is dangerous and you'll regret it when someone dies."

"I know, sir." The transmission ended and Jim resumed his slouching position, his gaze focused on the floor. He wasn't satisfied with Nogura's choice of words. "If" could have easily replaced "when."

Hikaru turned in his seat to face his captain. "Admiral Nogura is only like that with the people he respects. Don't let it get to you. Sir."

Jim smiled at his pilot to let him know he appreciated the words. "ETA for Aronor II?"

"Approximately four days and eight hours, at warp five" Spock replied.

Upon hearing his first officer's voice, Jim glanced down at his chronometer and sadly observed, _Still another hour_.

xxxx

Spock sat down in a seat opposite of Jim. He avoided making eye contact with him and instead decided to count the number of dusty books Jim kept above his bed.

"Spock, look at me and answer the question."

Spock hesitantly obeyed and Jim's stare intensified as he spoke.

"I'll ask again— Why are you avoiding me?"

Jim didn't know if intimidation worked on Vulcans, but he kept his gaze focused on Spock's eyes, waiting for even the smallest crack in his shields.

"I am not avoiding you-"

"Goddamn it, Spock. Don't lie to me."

Silence settled again when Spock didn't respond. It remained like that for a couple more minutes before Jim decided that if Spock wasn't going to talk, then he would do all the talking.

He straightened his back as he began. "You do know that a first officer and a captain are supposed to be able to work well together, right? And when it doesn't work out, one or the other ends up leaving command. And it's rarely ever the captain who leaves the ship." Jim waited for a response, whether it was a slight change in Spock's position or a twitch of the mouth, but he received nothing. Deciding to try another tactic, he continued speaking. "But I don't want that to happen to us. After the _Narada_ incident, after all that shit all of us went through, it's obvious that it won't be that easy to separate us. We took Nero down and saved billions of lives. We're a team, that's something I don't want to see ruined just because of some little fight. But what I'm trying to get at here, we're not meant to be apart— and you know what I mean when I say that." That time a hint of emotion exposed itself in Spock's face but he quickly confined it.

Jim searched those cold eyes and waited again for a reply, _any_ reply. But Spock chose not to speak. He didn't want to admit that Jim was right, right in everything he said.

"Why won't you say something? _Anything_? Do I have to order a reply out of you, too? I'm trying to be as honest and sincere as I can here, but it seems that you don't care about what I have to say." Jim was usually well-tempered, but Spock was pushing him to his limit. Jim's voice became harsher as he continued, "Are you afraid, Spock? If so, what are you afraid of _this_ time? What's making you take everything we _could_ have and throwing it away like it means nothing? Oh, wait, let me guess—It's because you're _Vulcan_. Because of your goddamn Vulcan pride."

Jim shifted in his seat as his eyes adopted the meanest glare he could manage. "What good is pride if you're hurting yourself, hurting the humans around you? What, do we not matter because of the simple fact that we're _human_? Oh, we're always emotional. We'll get over it soon."

He stood up, his fists clenched tightly, though he wasn't sure for how long they had been like that. "Well, you wanna know what? We don't get over it. If you want to go ahead and pull the same shit you did when you decided to shove your mom out of your life, then you do just that. You'll outlive me too, so it won't matter much what you did to me when I'm long gone and you're still living your long, Vulcan life."

Jim turned quickly on his heels and left the room before Spock could say anything, if he was planning on saying anything in the first place.

He knew he had stepped a line, but he didn't care. His body was shaking with the anger that had overcome him, that controlled him. He'd been slapped in the face, punched in the nose, kicked onto the ground, banged up so bad it took him weeks to recover, and yet none of the pain he felt then could equal to what he felt at that moment.

Because Spock had made his thoughts clear.

But despite the truth, Jim didn't want to be alone. He already had the chance of discovering what Spock had to offer, and it was a lot more fulfilling than any relationship could offer. He didn't know how, but he felt as though Spock's mind was made for his own, just as his was made for Spock's. Perhaps it was just a feeling, but it was one that made him hopeful.

However, as soon as he had experienced that encompassing warmth, it was harshly yanked away from him and he was left vulnerable, scared and naked in a fear he never knew before.

Jim didn't realize when he had ceased his angry marching, but he found himself leaning against a wall in a long and empty hallway, his eyes hot and moist with tears that fought to escape.


	3. Chapter 3

_You know what goes here. So don't sue me._

xxxx

_Chapter Three_

xxxx

Jim decided against eating lunch and went to his quarters instead to wash his face and hide any evidence of his little breakdown. But his body still shivered as the dying ashes of his anger refused to be extinguished. When that happened he had only one solution.

He delivered a strong punch to the target. Then another, followed by one aimed slightly lower. That punching bag was Jim's victim whenever he needed to release his frustrations, and the already visible tears in the fabric proved that. With each punch he reminded himself of his status, of his name, and his reputation.

A quick jab. _I am James T. Kirk. _

A violent upper cut that shook through the whole bag and back into his extended arm. _I am captain of the Starship Enterprise. _

And finally, a throw of the wrist that landed so hard on the bag that he had to bite his lip to distract himself from the pain that shot from his knuckles and up into his shoulder joint.

_I am __**the **__James T. Kirk and I cry over no one._

Although he wanted to believe himself, he still felt a small pain in his chest, that despite how tiny it was, it still hurt him more than his now throbbing hand. He hoped he hadn't sprained anything, considering how tired he was of seeing the sickbay. He decided to return to his room to jump into the sonic shower before returning to the bridge for the remainder of his shift.

He hoped, for once, that one of the ensigns had a huge stack of padds for him to review.

xxxx

Jim didn't bother to turn when he heard the door to the bridge slide open. Considering how everyone else had already returned from their lunch break, he already knew whose footsteps those were. He heard them head toward the science station, stop abruptly, then change direction. Jim quickly realized that Spock was walking toward him and his breath got trapped in his throat. He felt as though his heart was pumping lead through out his body and eventually into his stomach, where it became so heavy he suddenly felt like vomiting.

He still didn't turn around when Spock arrived at the side of his chair. It was only when he started to speak that Jim forced himself to calm down and give him his attention.

Jim turned around in time to see Spock close his mouth as soon as he opened it, his gaze focused on something past Jim's face.

Jim followed his gaze and winced when he noticed that his left hand not only continued throbbing painfully, but began to swell around the knuckles. Bones wouldn't be pleased when he saw that. He looked back at Spock to shrug off the injury and froze before he could even open his mouth to speak. His eyes absorbed all the details of Spock's face and he thought to himself, _he looks horrible_.

Spock's eyebrows were furrowed deep together, making them look even more slanted than usual. He was also pale. But what really caught Jim's attention was the puffiness of Spock's eyes, tinted green around the edges- had he been crying? _No, Vulcans can't cry anymore than they can laugh._

Jim had to stall his thoughts long enough to speak. "Yes, Spock?" He noticed that both of them were breathing a little more loudly than usual.

Spock hesitated. He didn't even attempt to cover his anxiety as he pursed his lips very tightly together and he hurriedly focused his eyes on something else other than Jim's hand. His voice was barely audible, a bit shaky, and it blended in with the ship's background noise. "Captain, I..." A pause.

Jim knew this game. He remained completely quiet and completely still until Spock finally spoke. He tried to remain calm, but he could already feel that horrible tightening pain in his chest that had overcome him not even more than an hour ago. The words he had said to Spock returned to his memory. He had brought up a topic that he knew he really shouldn't have. He had no right to.

But he did anyway.

Spock eventually did peel his eyes off of the floor and returned them to look at Jim. He had to take in a deep breath before continuing with a less tremulous voice. "I am truly sorry for the grief I have caused you. I do not expect to be forgiven."

The Vulcan was already at his science station and deeply involved with some work by the time Jim finally realized what Spock had just said. He wanted to speak up, but found that he didn't know what he could possibly say. Accept the apology? Doing that wasn't exactly easy when Jim still felt like puking up his non-existent lunch and curling up in his covers to hide from everyone until his temper was fully under control.

He briefly recalled the meld, and he began to wonder what had ever prompted him to ask that question in the first place. He had thought at the time that it would be a good idea. Just do a little meld with Spock and everything would be better. Yet all he could do was regret it.

The rest of the shift passed by slowly. Pavel and Hikaru would occasionally start up a conversation but those died quickly. It would still be three days until they reached Aronor II.

When the shift finally did end, Jim's stomach was begging for food as loudly as it could. He hastily ate his dinner, purposefully avoiding anyone so he wouldn't get distracted, before he headed down the sickbay. His hand continued to throb, and even though the pain was minimal, it was still there and caused him discomfort.

He could already hear Bones' reply to his situation.

"Dammit, Jim, how many times do I have to tell you? You aren't invincible so stop acting like you are."

"I know that. I was just angry."

"No, I don't think you do. Now give me that hand."

Jim obeyed without any more objections. He winced as Bones tried to find the exact point of impact.

"Well, it could be worse," he said as he placed Jim's hand down and reached for something on a nearby table. "But now you've got me curious. What were you so angry about? Your temper is usually better than this."

Jim was going to remain quiet but remembered how Spock's silence made him feel and spoke up instead. "It's stupid."

The doctor sighed and placed his hand on Jim's shoulder. "Come on, I'm your doctor. I always listen to my patients."

"Yeah, but that's only with your good patients. I'm not exactly your favorite one."

"No, Jim, but you are my friend."

Jim regarded his friend silently. The man's caring nature, along with his stubbornness, aided him in winning most arguments. He sighed, accepting defeat. "Well, it has to do with Spock."

"The hobgoblin? He doesn't even talk to anyone. How is _he _the problem?"

"But that _is _the problem. And it's been going on for a month now."

Bones was obviously confused. His eyebrow reached higher than what Spock's would normally reach and he crossed his arms as he leaned back in his chair. "What's been going on?"

Jim attempted to label the situation. "This… this wall between us. The wall that Spock built."

Again the eyebrow went up. "Maybe you should start with the beginning."

So Jim did. "You remember that day I talked to you about Spock?"

"When he was avoiding my orders to visit the sickbay and wouldn't eat anything? Yeah, I think I recall something about that."

"Well, I took your advice and spoke with him. And I figured out what was bothering him, for the most part. Which was actually surprising, considering how I thought he wouldn't tell me shit."

"So my advice worked after all?"

"Yeah. Which, thanks by the way, but back to the point. After he told me this, I… well, I kind of asked him to meld with me. And yeah, I know what you're thinking. It was a stupid thing, and I'm a complete dumb ass, which isn't news to anyone. I really shouldn't have asked him, but… it was so amazing. I wish I could forget it, but I can't. Before that day, I probably would have never imagined having someone else inside my head as something I would've enjoyed, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. But Spock has refused to talk to me since the meld, and I don't know why." He paused. His voice was quiet when he continued. "I wish we could share that moment again, even if just for one more time. It just felt so right."

Bones contemplated Jim's words as he applied some sort of ointment to Jim's hand. "So then what happened today?'

That was where Jim's expression became hard and serious. "I tried to ask him why he was avoiding me. Why he… wanted to just shrug off the meld. He refused to answer me so I spat out some stuff about his mom and stormed away before he could say anything. And that's when I skipped lunch, went to the gym, and busted up my hand."

"His mom? That must've put him in his spot."

"I shouldn't have brought her up."

Bones didn't respond as he once again assessed the situation. "So he really didn't tell you anything?"

Jim observed his wounded hand again, remembering Spock's concerned look upon seeing it. "No… but he apologized after he went back to the bridge. I dunno if he was apologizing about his behavior earlier or if he was apologizing about avoiding me, but I was actually a little surprised he even managed to muster up one."

The doctor sighed and placed a hand to his weary eyes, rubbing them as he spoke. "I just don't understand him. My daughter was better with people than he is."

"I think we all are."

Already the swelling in Jim's hand was less noticeable and he flexed it to test it out. "Well, it doesn't hurt to move it now."

"But the bone is still bruised so be careful with it. Unless you want to knock some sense into that Vulcan, then go ahead."

Again, Bones didn't fail in slipping in a little bit of humor to help Jim feel better. "He's three times stronger than any human so you might have to fix more than just my hand."

"Not like I haven't already patched up just about every inch of you already."

A small chuckle. "Thanks, Bones. I don't know what I'd do without you, sometimes."

"Your medical record says it all." With that, Bones stood up and gave Jim a quick pat on the arm. "You better be off to bed, now. We don't need a sleep deprived zombie commanding us."

"Yes, Mom."

Jim left the sickbay as soon as Bones reached his office, but instead of heading for his quarters, as the doctor would have liked, he took a little detour to the observation deck. He was pleased to find no one else in the room when he arrived. He dimmed down the lights and seated himself against a wall closest to the windows.

As he gazed outside, he immediately forgot everything that worried him that day and instead he remembered why he loved his job as much as he did. The stars that stretched out before him twinkled brightly. Only a handful of those stars had planets circling them, but each of those planets were new and exciting, along with their life forms. The planets offered endless possibilities, endless adventures, and Jim felt grateful that his ship was the one privileged enough to be out here exploring all of it. He was able to forget about Spock as he remembered that the ship was currently heading toward a planet he had never seen before. A momentary surge of excitement ran through his veins as he tried to picture the planet and the people who inhabited it. Maybe they had grey skin and big eyes, or perhaps they had scales and claws. They could be as fuzzy as a dog or as hairless as a Deltan.

His mind continued throwing nonhuman features into a machine that would randomly combine them to form some weird-looking alien. He didn't even realize that he was slowly starting to drift off, his head slowly sliding down the wall and his arms falling down to his sides.

He eventually fell asleep but before that he could have sworn he heard Spock's voice. Or maybe it was just a dream. He was, after all, desperate to hear that voice again.


	4. Chapter 4

xxxx

_Chapter Four_

xxxx

Jim was positive he had never left the observation deck. He recalled dozing off, and perhaps hearing a voice—a male voice? — but his memory couldn't piece together anything else. Yet there he was, laying down in his bed and staring at the ceiling as he listened to a noise that sounded a lot like an alarm.

The noise continued for at least five more seconds before he realized the meaning of it. He quickly jumped out of his bed, quite literally, and ran to his drawer to grab some clothes. If the ship was on yellow alert, then it was obvious that he needed to be on the bridge.

He barely wasted any time in getting dressed, not even bothering to touch up his hair, before he was running frantically down the halls. He reached the bridge within minutes. As soon as the lift's doors slid open, his eyes landed on the view screen, which displayed a frightening sight.

A federation ship, rather, pieces of it, were floating in front of the _Enterprise_. The main hull of the ship remained intact but all lights were off and the name of the ship was not readable due to the extensive damage. Jim turned his attention to Ensign Yeong, a woman with fairly short black hair, as she began to speak.

"We received distress signals about five minutes ago, but when we arrived, the ship had already been destroyed. The attacker and the cause of their actions are still unknown."

"Is anyone still alive?"

"There are readings of a few life forms but they seem to be dying."

Jim released a quiet curse under his breath and stormed to his chair. Nogura's warning about space being dangerous flashed through his head. "I want a rescue team armed and ready to beam down in five minutes. And have some doctors ready when we return with any survivors."

"Sir?" Yeong questioned when she heard Jim use 'we.'

"I'm beaming down with them. Now get those orders out."

"Yes, sir."

Jim once again made record time as he appeared in the transporter room. A yeoman handed him a phaser, a tricorder and a life belt, which was capable of supplying oxygen and protection in the case of an emergency. Jim hurriedly got into his equipment and stood on the pad, where three other men were waiting to beam down. Before the yeoman could work the transporter, Spock appeared in the doorway.

"Spock, what are you doing here?"

"Captain, I would like to beam aboard with the security team," Spock quickly replied. His shoulders were very tense and his breathing quicker than normal. Jim would have questioned his desire to beam aboard but nodded instead.

"Yeah, come along."

Spock was beside Jim and on the transporter pad before he could say anything else.

xxxx

The inside of the ship matched its appearance on the outside. The hallways were barely lit but already Jim could spot some bodies. He wished they were merely unconscious, but his tricorder told him otherwise.

"I want you to find any survivors. Even if they're barely alive, get them back to the ship as fast as you can." Spock and the other men were gone before he had even given the orders.

Jim ran down the hallways, following the readings of his tricorder. He was distraught at just how many of those bodies on the floor were actually dead. Not only had the ship been attacked, it appeared that someone also beamed aboard just to slaughter anyone they could find. Anger, along with sadness, gripped Jim's stomach. He had to avoid from looking at the corpses too long so he could focus on the task.

Finally, after running past at least twenty different doors, his tricorder picked up a life form. He stopped at the door and slammed his hand against the pad frantically, praying for it to open. He tried pulling it open but that attempt also failed. The lights in the ship were quickly going out, and he guessed that the life support machines were soon going to follow.

He continued to strike the door, hoping for some miracle. _Come on, open! I need to save them!_

He grabbed the phaser from his belt and attempted to carve a hole out of the metal that was big enough for him to fit through, but the doors were thick and it was taking too long.

Strong hands pushed him aside and a familiar figure appeared in front of him. Spock slipped his hands in the small crack between the two doors and began prying them apart with great effort.

"Spock! We have to hurry!" He didn't know why he had shouted the obvious. Spock was making more progress in ten seconds than he had in a whole minute.

Once the gap in the door was wide enough for Jim to fit, he squeezed through and immediately began his search for the survivor. His eyes skimmed past the overthrown furniture and landed on a figure in the corner with wounds all over it.

It was covered in green blood.

Both he and Spock carefully lifted the figure onto their shoulders, blood leaking onto their clothes, as Jim pulled out his communicator to contact the ship.

"Kirk to transporter room. Three to beam aboard."

"Acknowledged."

Jim noticed Spock look down at the injured figure with concern just as they began to dematerialize.

xxxx

"Are any of them awake yet, Bones?"

"No, their wounds were pretty severe. Who ever attacked them wanted them dead. I'm surprised that they were able to pull through. It's good you guys found them when you did."

Jim sighed. "There were only five survivors out of that whole ship. Two of them Vulcan."

McCoy's eyebrows furrowed. "What were they doing on it anyway? You contact Starfleet about it yet?"

"I did. But I couldn't give them the name of the ship so they couldn't really tell us why it was out here. They just told us to stay here until another ship gets here to pick up all of the…"

His friend nodded in understanding. "All of the ones who didn't make it through the attack."

"Yeah." A pause as he studied the floor beneath his boots. The images of the corpses he ran past manifested in his brain, and for a second he could almost hear their cries seconds before they died. He slammed his fist against the wall and whispered harshly, "Dammit, Bones, we could have saved them if we'd been here just a few minutes earlier." His lifted his gaze from the floor and met McCoy's worried eyes. "Now there's a ship full of dead innocent people floating right outside our windows and we can't do anything about it."

"Jim… what's past is past. Let's just do what we can for the survivors, okay?"

Spock walked in before Jim could reply. He gave a slight nod of the head. "Captain. Doctor."

"What is it, Spock?"

"We have identified the ship. It is the USS _Washington_."

Jim was going to inquire more about it, but instead he studied Spock's expression. The fear he saw earlier had long been gone, but he knew better than to judge Spock's emotions by his facial expressions. Spock somehow knew that there were Vulcans on that ship. Perhaps he

He ignored the newly obtained information and asked instead, "Spock, are you okay?"

Spock would have ignored the question but he could see McCoy already reaching for a hand-held medical scanner. "I admit that I am slightly… unnerved by recent events. Already my species is low in numbers, and even one fatality is harmful to our repopulation."

Jim placed a gentle hand on Spock's shoulder. "We'll figure out who did this and make sure they pay."

Spock relaxed under his captain's touch but didn't allow himself that luxury for too long as he remembered his reason for entering sickbay. "Captain, Ensign Yeong attempted to download data from the USS _Washington_ but it appears that all of the data has been deleted, along with the identity of the attacker. She is attempting to salvage it now but it seems that her efforts are not going to yield any results."

"And we still don't know what the _Washington_ was doing out here?"

"Affirmative."

Jim still had his hand on Spock's shoulder. It occurred to him that he hadn't actually touched his first officer since the meld. Not wanting to break the contact just yet, he found another question to ask. "Do you know any of them?"

"Any of what?" Spock asked, accompanied with his typical eyebrow raise.

"The Vulcans we saved."

Spock shook his head. "No, I am not familiar with either of them."

Silence settled, and Jim noticed that McCoy had already left to tend to the patients. Still not wanting to relinquish the conversation, he once again posed a question. "It's still a bit early, but do you want to grab a bite to eat?"

Spock hesitated. "I may be needed elsewhere."

"Your shift doesn't start in another thirty minutes."

"You are correct."

"So what's the harm?"

"While there is no physical danger, I would be more useful somewhe—" he stopped speaking when the hand on his shoulder gripped him more tightly.

Jim looked directly into his eyes and tried to persuade him once more. "Please, Spock?"

Jim was never aware that he used the "puppy-dog" look until his mother pointed it out. He wondered if it was that or something else that finally made the Vulcan agree.

"Very well."

Jim knew he was smiling and that it probably made Spock nervous, but he didn't care. He finally returned his hand to his side and began walking out of the door. "Then let's get going. I'm starving."


	5. Chapter 5

_If you look at the contents of my wallet, you will soon learn that there is no way that I make a profit off of this. Or off of anything, for that matter._

xxxx

_Chapter Five_

xxxx

Jim's stomach was protesting greatly. His food became a focal point of his anxiety rather than a source of sustenance. He drew circles in the syrup that drenched his pancakes and as soon as the syrup refilled the circle, he would repeat the process.

Spock watched with a raised eyebrow, also having neglected to take a bite of his food.

Jim became bored with swirling his fork around in the syrup and began prodding at the pancake itself. When _that_ was thoroughly drenched and lumpy, he had to come to a decision. He set down the fork and looked up into Spock's face. He focused on his eyes, his too human to be Vulcan eyes, and finally began to speak.

"I'm really sorry about what I said yesterday."

Spock had to recall all the events of yesterday before he pinpointed the exact line that Jim meant. "You do not have to apologize."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, more irritated than confused. "Of course I do. I don't need to go verbally attacking people just because I'm feeling hurt." When nearby crewmen glanced in their direction, he quickly corrected the volume of his voice. "I didn't mean it—what I said about your mom."

Spock knew otherwise. Jim had meant it, and he didn't exactly miss the target. "Jim, I do not blame you for your anger."

"That doesn't change the fact that I was acting like a jerk."

Spock was silent, knowing that if he opened his mouth, his captain would just have another argument to present. With nothing to say, he finally took a bite out of his food, and Jim soon followed. Spock continued attempting to form a reply, but he couldn't. Only Jim could successfully silence him.

Jim had only taken a few bites out of his pancake before he began speaking again. "I know I already said this before, but I don't want things to be bad between us. Yeah, we had a rocky ass start in the beginning, but I've made enough enemies in my life. It's friends that I don't have enough of."

Spock studied his food as he contemplated Jim's words, and then asked, "We are friends?"

A small smile reached Jim's lips. "Well, what else would we be? Husband and wife?" He let out a small laugh when Spock's eyebrow climbed his forehead. It felt good to be able to laugh in Spock's presence again. He still felt a small pain when he was reminded of the gap that was currently between him and Spock, but he believed that he could close that distance with time and with luck.

"I have heard a saying— the captain and the first officer are husband and wife, and the ship is their child. So it is not impossible for that situation to exist."

Jim laughed. He didn't expect Spock to go along with the joke, especially while employing his flawless logic. "Then who's the husband and who's the wife?" He continued joking, hoping that Spock would continue with the playful atmosphere. He really did enjoy his time when they could be in each other's presence without feeling any negative emotions.

"In this case, I regrettably admit that I would play the role of the wife, for I 'hold down the house' while you indulge in your reckless activities." That time Jim couldn't hold back the shout of laughter that escaped his lips. He placed his hand on Spock's shoulder while he wiped away his tears of laughter with the other hand. "You should show your funny side more often."

Spock's eyebrows reached ever higher as he regarded the hand on his shoulder.

Jim noticed the expression and slowly pulled his hand back, though he was still chuckling to himself.

"Sorry. Habit between friends."

"It is a terran custom for friends to pat each other on the shoulder?"

"Well, maybe it's more apart of what _I _do with friends."

"Are there more customs of which I should be aware?"

Jim cocked his head to the side as he tried to recall other things he often did with his buddies of the past. "Hm, not really. Although we did used to do this one handshake." Jim sat up straight and reached for Spock's hand, which was lying on top of the table. His hand had only made contact with Spock's for maybe two seconds before Spock quickly pulled the appendage away. His eyes widened and he appeared to be speechless.

"Woah, sorry there. I forgot about Vulcan hands," he quietly apologized.

But Spock could not forget it. That contact, that second that Spock was once again inundated by Jim's overwhelming spirit, was enough to frighten him. He couldn't let himself be swayed by Jim's all too human spirit. He already failed with Nyota— he wasn't going to do it again. No matter how tempting it was.

"Spock, what is it?"

No response. Instead, Spock hastily stood up, disturbing his plate and knocking the fork to the floor. "This cannot continue. It will not end in success."

"What are you talking about? If _what_ continues?"

Spock turned his attention to the floor just past Jim, his jaw clenched tightly as he refused to speak.

"Come on, Spock. You can't keep doing this."

"Can we perhaps speak of this at a later time?"

Jim released a sigh and nodded. "If you promise to talk later, then fine."

Spock didn't say anything else as he turned around and left the room.

Jim brought his hands to his face and released an aggravated moan. "What the hell did I do this time?" He couldn't ponder too much about that thought as his communicator, the one that he was required to carry around since he could rarely ever be found where he was supposed to be, went off.

"Captain Kirk here."

Bones' voice greeted him. "_One of the Vulcans is awake_."

"Okay, I'll be right there." Jim got up to leave, but properly disposed of the dishes on the table before doing so. As he made his way to the sickbay, he tried to identify the mistake he had made when speaking with Spock. As he did so, he began wondering if maybe he wasn't the one at fault at all.

xxxx

The first Vulcan to awake was a female, who, to a human, would appear to be no older than thirty years. Her long brown hair barely passed her shoulders and her eyes were a dark green.

Jim noted that not all Vulcans had to look like Spock.

Doctor M'Benga stood by her bed, monitoring her vitals. "She's fine enough to speak now. Her wounds weren't nearly as bad as the others." He turned to look at the Vulcan woman. "If you feel even the slightest discomfort, let me know."

She nodded in understanding, watching M'Benga walk away. When he was out of her vision, she turned her head to face Jim and Bones. "As it is Terran custom, I must thank you for saving my life."

"We were only doing our job, no need to thank us," Jim replied.

"Then you are here to ask questions." Her voice was completely monotone. Jim couldn't tell if she was stating a fact or asking a question. He studied her face for a clue but that yielded no results.

Bones spoke up. "We'll just start with your name."

"I am T'Lat, of the House of Simtok."

"All right, Miss T'Lat. What happened to the USS _Washington_? Who attacked it?" Jim had pulled up a chair and was sitting beside her bed.

"I do not know. I was in the guest quarters when the ship was first attacked."

"Did you see the individual who attacked you?"

"I did see him, but he had a mask. I was unable to identify his species."

Bones crossed his arms as he thought. "Well, there're only two groups of people who would have enough guts to attack a Federation ship."

Jim nodded in agreement. "The Romulans and the Klingons."

"But we can't just go pointing fingers without evidence. That'd _really_ piss them off."

T'Lat interrupted before Bones and Jim could continue their debate. "Has one of your crew attempted to gather data from the _Washington_'s computers?"

Jim sighed. "We tried that but all of the computers were wiped."

"That is unfortunate."

"But I'm confident we'll figure it out. And we'll make sure something like that doesn't happen again, at least while I'm in the area."

"Has Starfleet already been notified?" T'Lat had a curious nature, Jim noticed.

"Yeah, though they're as clueless as we are."

"I'm hoping the other survivors have some sort of idea of what happened," Bones said.

T'Lat nodded. "I also hope for this. Though I was not acquainted with the men and women who were killed, any loss of life is… disturbing. It would be satisfactory to find the ones responsible for the attack and bring justice upon them." Her voice reflected the anger she refused to expose through her expressions.

"And don't worry. I'll make sure they pay for what they did."

T'Lat had not removed her eyes from Jim, even when Bones spoke. He was a compelling human and it was no wonder that he had been the one to rescue her.

Bones checked the chronometer and turned to speak to Jim. "Sorry to cut this short, but your shift starts soon. Better get to the bridge incase another emergency happens. If you have the time, head down sometime tomorrow. The other guys should be awake by then."

"Good idea." Jim stood up and put his chair back against the wall. "Thank you for your time, Miss T'Lat. And I'm sorry for what happened. If there's anything we can do…"

"That will not be necessary. I just require rest. I wish I could have been more useful, Mr… What is your name?"

"Jim. Jim Kirk."

Realization sparked in T'Lat's eyes. She hesitated on her next words. "Yes. Captain Kirk."

Jim knew she wanted to say more but he noticed that her breathing was becoming harsh. "I'll let you get your sleep now."

Even as Bones and Jim left, T'Lat still kept her eyes focused on the captain.

xxxx

By 1000 hours, a ship from the nearest space station had taken the corpse of the _Washington _away. Jim eagerly waited for a transmission from Starfleet, thinking that maybe he would receive new orders. When they finally did contact him, he was more than disappointed with the news.

"We still have to head to Aronor II? What if that attacker is still out? Who're they going to kill next?"

Pike saw Jim's aggravation but kept his tone in check. "_That is something Starfleet will deal with. Unless you want to get a spanking for ignoring the rules, you need to complete your current mission. If someone is planning to weaken the Federation, then we'll need more allies_."

Jim had to bite down on his knuckles to stop himself from protesting. "What about afterwards?"

"_Just finish this one now and we'll see what happens, okay? We already have ships patrolling the area for any intruders so it won't do much good to pull the Enterprise into this little mess._" Pike often tried to not use a commanding tone with Jim. Instead he tried to reason with him as a friend, and that tool helped a lot when it came to convincing Jim to agree.

"I guess you're right."

"_Good. Now if you don't mind, we'd like you to keep the survivors for now. They'll be safe on your ship_."

"That won't be a problem."

"_Glad we could see eye-to-eye. Contact me if you learn any more about the situation. Pike out._"

Jim still watched the empty view screen. As much as he wanted to be out there preventing attacks like the one that destroyed the _Washington_, he couldn't find a flaw in Pike's reasoning.

"Continue course for Aronor II, Keptin?" Pavel asked.

"Yes, continue course."

The bridge became quiet again. He recalled his conversation with T'Lat, realizing that he never asked her about her purpose for being aboard the ship.

He wrote it on his mental list of _Shit to Deal With_, right below "figure out what's wrong with Spock."

And he didn't know what would be more difficult; figuring out who attacked the _Washington_ or figuring out what was frightening his first officer.


	6. Chapter 6

_Star Trek does not belong to me and I definitely don't make any money off of this little project._

xxxx

_Chapter Six_

xxxx

Nyota normally ignored Jim. He was her captain and that was the only reason she had to talk to him. She would drop a few "good-mornings" when they passed in the hallway but if she had to create a list of the top one-hundred people whom she trusted, Jim had a long, long way to go before he could even reach ninety-nine. She still saw him as the Jim she knew back in the early academy days, reckless and having too much sexual energy.

But she did notice that he had been changing. He put more thought into his actions, took his job as being a captain and protecting the lives of hundreds more seriously, and above all, he didn't ogle every female (or male, since she had the misfortune of learning about Jim's tendency to swing both ways when she went for a walk in what she thought was a fairly secluded part of the academy grounds) who crossed his path.

In fact, he hadn't been flirting with anyone. Not even her, since he usually did it just because he found it incredibly fun to do so. And although her specialty was xenolinguistics, she didn't need to speak to Jim to know that something was undoubtedly bothering him.

Her curiosity spiked ever higher when she witnessed Spock and Jim having breakfast together. Spock had turned down all of her invites as of recently, yet there he had been, eating with his captain. She wasn't able to hear the conversation but that didn't stop her from pursuing the truth.

It was the end of their shift, and Jim was admittedly confused when Nyota turned to speak to him after entering the lift.

"Do you know what's wrong with Spock?"

If Jim were able to raise one eyebrow higher than the other, he definitely would have done so. "What makes you think I know?"

"You were with him this morning. Considering how he hasn't spent time with me in nearly a month, it's pretty strange that you managed to get him away from his work for even a minute."

All Jim heard was the time length. "A month? Why?"

"That's why I'm asking you. I don't know why," she admitted with a shrug of her shoulders and a shake of her head.

Jim crossed his arms and sighed. "The real truth it… I'm really not sure what's up with him." He had an idea, but that's all it was. It wasn't a fact and he couldn't prove it. Before he could speak again, the lift stopped and the doors opened, urging them to exit. "Come on, we'll continue this somewhere else." He left just as a crewman was entering the lift.

Nyota followed him down the hallway as he spoke. "I didn't know Spock was being cold with you too. I thought maybe he would tell you what's bothering him since you're his girlfriend and all."

"I don't think that's the case anymore," her voice quietly trailed off as she broke eye contact with Jim.

Jim stopped in his tracks. The tone in his voice became more serious now. "Something happen?"

"I can't believe I'm telling _you_ of all people," she said, shaking her head at her disbelief. "It's just—it's frustrating. He was fine at first. I thought that, despite his Vulcan heritage, it could work out. I wanted to help him see his other half, the half that he's so ashamed of. He was raised believing that he was inadequate because he's part human." She paused. Her eyes remained on a fixed point on the wall across from her. Her voice was so different from her normal sassy self, and Jim almost felt embarrassed to see that side of her. "I think I managed to help him realize the truth, if only by a little bit. I like to think that I helped him see that he's fine just the way he is. But now… he's so distant. This is probably just my speculation, and I sure hope to god that it is, but it's like I'm a virus all of a sudden, or a stigma. I'm… just some human who's trying to make him _less _Vulcan, the thing he's feared facing the most."

Jim became worried. If Nyota was right, then Jim was just another virus trying to ruin Spock's perfect Vulcan self. "He doesn't think that. If he really hated us humans he wouldn't be here with us now."

Nyota sighed. "I told myself that too. I don't know. I think part of the problem has to do with the destruction of Vulcan. In fact, that could be the whole problem right there. It really threw him off of his feet. He couldn't meditate or focus, and that really ruined him. I tried helping him—I really, _really _did. But I think that I…" she stopped again, biting her lower lip as she tried to fight down the guilt that crawled up her throat and threatened to break her composure.

"You think that you made it worse." Jim finished her thought with certainty.

Incredulity was written on her face when she turned to face him. "Yeah, that's exactly it."

Jim responded to her confusion by offering the best explanation he could. "Seeing how we're both caught up in this mess, I guess I should let you know."

"Let me know what?"

"Back when Spock was doing real bad—when everyone on the ship could tell he wasn't getting enough sleep—I had a little talk with him, to try and figure out what was keeping him up at night. I managed to figure it out, but, well, we ended up doing a mind meld."

Nyota's expression quickly went from worried to completely puzzled. "Wait, he mind melded with you?"

Jim nodded in reply.

"And you know how personal that is for a Vulcan, right?"

Another nod. "That's why I was surprised when he agreed to it."

She became quiet again as he contemplated his words. "Did it… help him?"

"He said, well, actually he thought, or maybe he did say—"

"What did he say?" She became anxious. She thought she had been the only one to meld with Spock.

"That our minds… 'fit.' They were compatible, or something."

"Anything else?" She had taken a step forward, probing Jim for an answer.

"No. He freaked out about something and left before I could ask him anything." Jim's reply did not leave Nyota with any answers, but she felt closer to it than she was before. He continued, "Whatever it was that happened during the meld, is that the reason why he's been pushing you away from him?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe."

They became silent again. A yeoman walked by, watching them with curious eyes. She looked away just in time to spot a wall right in front of her.

Jim ignored the nosy crewman and began speaking. "I accidentally scared him off again today." He didn't want to use the word 'scare,' but he found no other verb that would fit. "I touched his hand, and just like last time, for some reason, he cut the conversation short and left. It's not like I was thinking any weird thoughts or anything."

Nyota's mind began running in overtime. She placed piece after piece together, taking both her experiences and Jim's and trying to make some sense of them. "From what you said, I might know what's bothering him, but if I'm right then… well, I'm definitely not the right person for him." She couldn't disguise the disappointment in her voice. Despite his behavior toward her lately, she still loved Spock more than anyone else.

"Nyo—Uhura, I'm sorry."

She shook her head, a weak smile forming on her lips. "No, it's okay. If we can help him, then it's worth it."

Jim thought it was useless asking, but he did so anyway. "Anything I _can_ do to help?"

"Yes, actually. You have to promise me something."

"What happens if I can't follow through with it?"

"I'll let you know the punishments once you agree," she replied, smiling a little to lighten the atmosphere.

"Okay, I like a challenge. What is it?"

"Promise me that you'll keep trying to talk to Spock until he tells you what's wrong. He's stubborn, but if you show him that you won't take no for an answer, he'll eventually give in just so that you leave him alone. I'll try again to talk to him but I think he'll listen to you more."

_Bones said the same thing_, Jim thought. "I promise."

Nyota smiled. "Maybe you're not so bad after all."

"Does that mean you don't mind going a date with me?" Jim's grin matched hers. He didn't even have to look at her to know that she had rolled her eyes.

"That's not happening any time soon."

xxxx

Bones greeted Jim as he entered the sickbay. "Hey there, Jim. Come to check up on the patients?"

"Yeah. How're they doing?"

"Much better. T'Lat's still the only one awake but the others should be right as rain by tomorrow. Any leads on the attacker?"

"Nope. Starfleet's completely stumped. Not a single ship or station in the area was able to pick up the invader on their radars. The bastard's must've had a pretty powerful cloaking device to avoid every single radar."

"The Romulans have one. They say they don't but I doubt they're telling the truth."

"Still not enough evidence. The Klingons probably have one, too. Hell, they probably have a hundred."

Bones shrugged. "It was wishful thinking." He looked over his shoulder and into the next room where T'Lat was resting. "She was asking about Spock."

"T'Lat?"

"Yeah. She wanted to know if he's assigned to this ship. That was all she asked me though."

"Spock told me he didn't know any of those Vulcans," Jim replied with an accusatory tone.

"Who knows. Maybe she's a fan or something. She could have pictures of him hanging all over her bedroom."

"For some reason, I'm more comfortable with the idea of Spock lying."

Bones laughed at his friend's response. "It's more believable, too. I don't know who'd wanna slap pictures of that forest elf all over their walls."

"You never know. Maybe he's considered sexy by Vulcan standards," he said smiling, knowing that Bones didn't want to put 'Spock' and 'sexy' in the same thought.

"Yeah, right. That's just _you_ talkin'," Bones joked back.

Except Jim didn't seem to laugh at that as much as Bones expected him to. Instead he furrowed his eyebrows as he ran Bones' words through his head again.

"Actually, he is kind of attractive—"

"Woah, **okay**, stop there."

Jim immediately regained his joking nature when he discovered a new way to bother Bones.

"Especially those pointed ears. Can you imagine nibbling on the end of them and watching how he shudders? I bet he blushes a bright green. I wonder what else is green—"

"Jim, don't you dare finish that thought or I'll beat the livin' daylights out of you."

But Jim did finish that thought. He ran the film reel through his head, of him and Spock engaged in conduct completely inappropriate for high-ranking officers of a starship. He was shocked and worried, for at that moment, he found that he may have been attracted to his first officer. His _Vulcan_ first officer.

"Shit." Jim cursed as he put an abrupt end to that train of thought.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. I gotta get going. See you later, Bones!"

Jim was out of the sickbay before the doctor could even utter a goodbye.

He was just tired. That must have been it. That and he hadn't gotten any action in quite a while, so it was his body's way of urging him on. But of all the other people onboard, his body chose Spock.

His thoughts were in a frenzy during his entire walk to his quarters. He was relieved when he walked through his door, immediately falling back on the bulkhead. He felt dizzy and excited at the same time. Why was his body doing this to him?

He couldn't relax for long when he heard a voice from the other side of the bulkhead.

"Captain?"

His eyes shot open. It was Spock. Of course it was Spock. The man of his unexpected fantasies _would_ show up at a bad time. He contemplated not opening the door but realized that Spock probably already saw him enter his room.

Jim turned around and hit the button next to the door that would open it. "Oh, hey, Spock." He ran a hand through his hair. "What's up?"

Spock picked up on Jim's breathless tone. "Have I arrived at an inconvenient time?"

"No, not at all." Jim wanted to kick himself for lying.

"I realize that my behavior lately has been inexcusable. I believe that it is necessary for me to apologize."

"Great. Apology accepted. Anything else?"

Spock raised an eyebrow at Jim's behavior. His eagerness to end the conversation was, to Spock, illogical. "I desired to mention another topic, but I will withhold it for now."

"If you say so." Jim tried his best not to focus on the neck and ears he had just fantasized about licking minutes before. It was difficult when Spock was two feet in front of him and _so close that I could just take him in my arms right now—_

"Jim?"

Jim pulled himself out of his thoughts. Since when did his eyes land on Spock's lips? And how long had he been staring before Spock called him back to reality?

"Maybe this really isn't the best time. I'm, um, not feeling too well."

"Then I will leave you to allow you to rest."

"Good idea. Night, Spock."

"Good night, Captain."

Jim released an exaggeratedly heavy sigh when the door closed once again. He wished he could have dealt with the situation better, but it was apparent that he needed some rest before he could function at a normal human level again. He cursed his weakness and descended into his bed with a loud plop.

He tried to forget the past ten minutes, but desire still burned within him. He not only wanted Spock's mind, but apparently he wanted his body too.


	7. Chapter 7

xxxx

_Chapter Seven_

xxxx

By 0300 hours, Jim realized that there was no use in attempting to sleep. His mind was a highway of thoughts and every time he thought he had driven onto a different path, he ended up returning back the topic of Spock.

He just had to think of the name once, and it would echo within him.

Jim repeated various questions in his head, hoping that answers would appear if he repeated them enough. Why was he torturing himself over Spock?What did Spock mean to him?

He went from being enemies with him, to accepting him as a fellow colleague, to considering him somewhat of a friend, to… well, Jim wasn't even sure what it was. The day of the meld, something had clicked in his head, as if it were dormant and waiting to be discovered. He found it so easy to accept Spock's mind in his own, just as Spock found that he was comfortable within Jim's mind.

Even his meld with Spock Prime felt familiar. Despite the fact that he was suffocating from all of the emotions the older man was radiating through the meld, he felt welcome in the Vulcan's head; and he had never felt welcome anywhere else in the world. So what the hell does it all mean?

A few times, he felt tempted to run up to his console and dial up the elderly Vulcan. He had spent forty or fifty years with another Jim in another universe. Surely he would know what the Jim of this universe was thinking and feeling. But he managed to dissuade himself from performing the action whenever the idea popped into his head. Spock Prime had better things to do, right?

Besides, wouldn't it just be… Jim struggled to find the word. Intrusive? Unfair? Whatever it was, he felt as though he would just be opening an old wound. He shouldn't even know that another Spock existed in another universe.

However, by 0430 hours, Jim gave in. He said aside the doubts that bombarded his certainty. He was tired of not knowing what was forming between him and his first officer. He just wanted to be able to understand himself and understand Spock.

Luckily, Spock Prime had given him his contact information so he didn't have any problems connecting to his console. The only issue was that Jim didn't know what time it was on the Vulcan colony, and if the elderly Spock was sleeping or meditating, he would have felt bad for interrupting him. That was not the case when Spock appeared on the screen, in a room that was brightly lit by sunlight. Unlike what his younger counterpart would have done, Spock did not disguise the surprise on his face.

"Jim?" Both pain and joy flashed behind his expressive eyes. Jim wondered if his own Spock would be that expressive in his older years.

"Hey, hope I didn't interrupt anything," he replied sheepishly.

"No, not at all. But why do you need to speak to me? Has something occurred?" Just like any other Vulcan, he avoided small chat and immediately went into the heart of the matter.

Trying his best to manage a smile, Jim said, "Kind of. Do you mind if I ask a personal question?"

"I do not mind. I will always assist you in any way that I can." His voice was so gentle, and Jim could tell that he had probably said those words before, or ones that were similar, to the other Jim.

"I know that this is going to sound weird, but… did you and the other Jim—first of all, did you ever mind meld?"

That elicited a raised eyebrow from Spock. "Yes, on multiple occasions."

Jim felt slightly less awkward asking his next question. "What did it feel like? Was there a… connection?— well, obviously there was a connection—what I mean is if you felt like your minds belonged together, or something." Jim stopped, hoping that Spock wouldn't see him as a fool and that he would be able to decipher his words.

The Vulcan took his time answering. His eyes had that pained look again; he was remembering something he had lost long ago.

The look left a heavy feeling in Jim's chest, but he waited. He had brought up the topic, so he might as well finish getting his answers.

"I often felt that that was the case. During my years serving with Starfleet, I had melded with many other individuals to help with the mission, but unlike all those minds, Jim's was the only one to welcome mine. However…"

He paused. It was a much longer pause than the last

. Regret, sadness, emptiness—the emotions flooded him and he closed his eyes in attempt to hide them. But didn't need to see those deep, brown eyes to see what Spock was feeling. Jim could see all of it— and more.

"I'm sorry, I really shouldn't have asked you that. You can just pretend I didn't say anything."

"No, it is best that you know," he interrupted. Jim quickly became quiet to let him continue. "Your other self was a very affectionate and sensitive man, more sensitive than any other human I have ever met. But his duty as a captain was always his priority and despite the friends he had around him, he was extremely lonely. There were a few times when he thought he had found love, but he always had to choose between a life of love and his duty to the ship and her crew. Even when he had the chance to return back to Earth and live as a normal citizen, he returned to the _Enterprise_ and acted as though he had never left her. He often said that his one true love was his ship, but both he and I knew that he could not be entirely happy this way.

"I wanted to help him become happy, but I was incapable of doing so. Or perhaps I was afraid. I had the chance to ease him of his suffering. There were times when his loneliness became too much and he would seek out my company. I would offer him a mind meld, and it calmed his mind, allowing him to gain strength, but that was the extent of its use. I may have felt content and secure within his mind, but I am not sure if he ever realized the full extent of the affect they had on me. They stirred emotions I thought I had buried deep within me long ago. Yet I was too frightened to realize why he always came to _me _in his times of need. It was not until the day of his death that I stopped thinking about myself and I truly regretted what I had done. Jim always returned to me because he believed that one day I would ignore my Vulcan ways and give him the one thing he wanted most in his entire life—" _Love._

Spock didn't even to continue his sentence. The look in his eyes, and the way his voice weakened at the end, said it all.

Jim was speechless. His ears were the first, in either universe— in _any _universe—to hear of the guilt that burdened Spock's soul for so long. The grief resonated off of him, and Jim felt as though it would tear into him. He could not imagine enduring so much pain, and yet he knew that somewhere else, he already had.

"Spock… I'm sorry." He lowered his eyes, trying the hide the wetness that had gathered in them. Apparently just being in his presence was all it took to make him emotional.

"It is a mistake with which I have had to live. And that is why I do not desire to see it repeated again."

Jim returned his gaze to Spock's. "I really don't want that to happen, either…"

"I am certain that that will not occur." The sadness left his eyes as he slipped on his Vulcan mask. No, that was a mistake. Spock was also human. No mask could hide that. "Even though you resemble my Jim in many ways, you are also very different from him. You are not afraid to give affection and you are not afraid to let one know that you desire it. Already you have melded with my younger self and seen more of him than others ever will. But because he is still young, he struggles greatly with his split identity. A part of him will want to follow Vulcan, the world on which he was raised. But his other part, the one that holds the essence of his deceased mother, wants to continue on the path he follows now."

Jim nodded. "He doesn't know which one to choose."

"Precisely. It is fortunate that you contacted me before he made any definite decisions, because I have a request I would like to ask of you."

"Of course. Just name it." There was no way Jim could say 'no' to him. Spock didn't have many years left, and anything to make his last bit of life less of a struggle was worth it.

"If our universes are as alike as I think they are, then my younger self was born to stand by your side, and you must keep him there, even if he refuses. He may be very adamant, but that stubbornness falters when it involves his captain's well-being. If you can give him what he needs most, and he gives you what you need most, then I will not regret having left my world behind."

"I don't plan on letting him slip out of my fingers that easily."

The tiniest smile tugged at the corners of Spock's lips. "It relieves me to hear you say that. It was never like James Tiberius Kirk to let a challenge escape so easily."

"I won't let you—_us_ down. I promise."

"Thank you, Jim. You are truly a good man."

Jim shrugged, half-smiling at the man before him. "Don't thank me for anything. I'm working partly in my interest too, y'know."

"And that is how it should be."

With nothing else left to say from either side, Jim decided to end the conversation. He still had to try and catch some sleep. "I'll talk to you later then?"

"Yes, I await our next meeting." He reached over to turn off his console, and as he did so, he whispered quietly, probably too quiet for human ears, "Farewell, t'hy'la."

xxxx

"M'Benga, I need your assistance. The other Vulcan is coming to. You take care of him while I go check on the others. They should be waking up within the next two hours, and then maybe we can start figuring out who attacked them in the first place."

"Yes, Doctor McCoy," M'Benga replied, leaving paperwork he had on his desk to walk up to the other Vulcan's bedside. The Vulcan had short hair, even shorter than Spock's, and it was brown, just like his eyes. In human years he appeared to be in his mid-thirties, but in Vulcan years, that could easily meant from sixty to seventy.

Bones returned to T'Lat's bed and once again ran a medical scanner over her. "Well, now. Looks like you're recovering fast. If you want, you can get up and walk around for a bit, but not for long."

"May I do so now, Doctor?"

"Yeah, go ahead. Just come back here after no more than twenty minutes. You're still days from a full recovery."

Bones was surprised at T'Lat's eagerness to get up and move. She was out of her bed before he could even take a step further. "Do you know the location of First Officer Spock?"

_There she goes, asking about Spock again_. The doctor nodded his head. "He's probably up at the bridge. Do you want me to call him here?"

"No, that is unnecessary. I can wait until he is not occupied with his work."

"Knowing Spock, that'll never happen. I'll call him down now." He ignored T'Lat's protests and walked over to a wall console. "McCoy to bridge."

"_Hey, Bones. What's up?_" Jim's voice came out of the device.

"Show a little more authority, will you?"

"_Yes, mom— Ahem, _Kirk _here. What do you wish to discuss?_

Bones was going to comment on the fact that he sounded too much like his first officer but he decided to skip to the point. "Is Spock busy?"

"_I dunno. Hey, Spock, you busy?" _Bones assumed that the pause meant that Spock was replying. _"But you're always doing that. No, it's not that important. Oh whatever." _Jim turned his attention back to Bones. "_Nah, he's not busy._"

"Good, then I need him down here for a couple of minutes. I think T'Lat is going to have some sort of Vulcan breakdown if she doesn't get to speak to him soon." He was exaggerating, of course, but he couldn't express himself any other way.

"_Yeah, sure. He'll be there soon._"

Bones turned to face T'Lat. "Looks like you got your wish. Just sit here and wait for him_._ If you need me I'll be in my office."

The Vulcan remained standing. She looked at M'Benga when she heard him speaking from three beds down and noticed that her shipmate was awake. "Sahlen, you are well."

M'Benga continued the examination even as Sahlen spoke. "T'Lat, it is a relief to see that you are also well. Did you sustain many injuries?"

"Negative. I have a few wounds but they did not hinder me for long."

"The attack on the ship was highly unexpected."

"Indeed. We are fortunate to have kept our lives."

"How many others survived?"

"Including the two of us, only five."

Sahlen furrowed his eyebrows, but only for a moment. "This news is distressing."

"It is quite disturbing. It is particularly so because we have no identity on any of the attackers."

"There are no clues?"

"None. The USS _Washington_ was destroyed in the attack, along with any ship records that could have offered assistance in learning of the intruders, and the U.S.S. _Enterprise_ arrived after the attackers had already left the area."

"Their ship must have been highly advanced to avoid being detected by any sensor ranges within this zone."

"With the given evidence, I do not see how the Federation will be able to find and persecute them." Anger made its way into T'Lat's tone.

M'Benga stopped the examination as his gaze went past T'Lat and Sahlen. "Looks like your visitor is here, T'Lat."

T'Lat turned around saw Spock entering the sickbay. "Ah, of course. Excuse me, Sahlen. I will return shortly."

She returned to her bed and stood beside it, waiting as Spock approached.

"So it is truly you, T'Lat," he said as he came to a stop in front of her.

"You do not recognize me?"

"You have grown considerably since our last meeting." He quickly covered the surprise in his voice. "You do not resemble T'Pring."

"Is that your confusion? We are sisters, but we are not the same," she told him. Spock knew that already—T'Lat was kinder than T'Pring.

His gaze wandered to the floor when he spoke his next words. "Her death was very unfortunate."

"As was the rest of Vulcan. I would have perished along with them had I not been at the Academy. It is an entirely human impulse, but I must thank you for being my motivation to join Starfleet."

"There is no need to thank me. I did nothing to persuade you to make that decision."

"But you did."

Spock did not know what to say to that. He continued to stare directly into T'Lat's face, still surprised by her transformation from a young girl to the beautiful woman in front of him. He decided that she passed her sister in the aspects of having a pleasing physical appearance, but that didn't matter at that moment. "Are you feeling well, T'Lat?"

She decided to ignore the use of the word "feel" and answer him. "My health is satisfactory. However, I cannot say the same for the other passengers. We were not expecting the attack."

"I regret what you have had to endure. Is there anything I can do to ameliorate your situation?" He found that after being around humans for so long, it was difficult to speak to another Vulcan without sounding too concerned or 'emotional.'

"My health is being monitored by the doctor. There is no other attention that could further improve my recovery. Instead, I have a question to ask you, if that is not a problem."

"Not at all. Continue with your inquiry." Spock replied.

"Have you established another bond ever since the death of my sister?"

Spock wasn't expecting a personal question. His emotional shields faltered again and he knew that he probably had a very confused facial expression. "I have not. Ever since the destruction of Vulcan I have remained on this ship. I have not seen another Vulcan for two-point-five months, until now, of course, so I have been unable to establish a new bond."

T'Lat nodded, absorbing the information. "Sahlen has been the only other Vulcan with whom I have spoken, but I still have not reestablished a bond."

Spock believed he knew the direction the conversation was going. "Your bondmate was also lost with Vulcan?"

"Yes. However, his beliefs were very much like my sister's and he did not think that it was logical for me to continue my education on Earth. He would have severed our bond soon."

"I see."

T'Lat hesitated on her next words. She finally shifted from her original position as she nervously held her hands in front of her, one atop of the other. "May I ask another question, Spock?"

"You may." Spock was already forming an answer in the back of his head before she even asked her question.

"Would you agree to bonding with me?"


	8. Chapter 8

xxxx

_Chapter Eight_

xxxx

T'Lat was not shy. _If_ she had been waiting for the perfect opportunity to come along where she could bond with Spock, then she was wasting no time in taking advantage of it. She began speaking before Spock could give an answer. "Perhaps I should identify the benefits of a bond between us. Although I desire to remain working with Starfleet, there are not many Vulcans with whom I can create a new bond. As you already know, a bond is necessary in order to maintain ahealthy mental state. Of course, we can perform a simple meld to determine whether our minds are suitable or not."

Spock realized that he was less Vulcan than he liked to think. Even when he was straightforward, he was not _that_ direct with anyone. After he recovered from the shock of the very abrupt question, he began considering her words. In all honesty, he could find no flaw in her logic. He understood that the two of them, and all remaining Vulcans, suffered greatly when their home planet disappeared. The suffering still continued, though it manifested itself in the destruction of their perfect control rather than in mourning and grief.

Though the bond between him and T'Pring was never strengthened, and in fact they rarely ever met since they were engaged as children, the missing link in his mind still affected him. He needed order and logic. Nyota could not offer those two crucial components to him.

And he was too afraid to give Jim the chance.

Despite the fact that fear was an emotional response, he didn't deny that he experienced it. If he were to bond with T'Lat, most of his problems would be solved. He'd be able to build and repair the holes in his mind, and become better at mastering control of his emotions, since he failed in that department as of late.

It occurred to Spock that he had not given an answer in the past minute or so. T'Lat was patient, though her eyes never left him. He quickly gave an answer. "I shall consider it. Do you desire an answer now?"

"No. Of course not. I did not expect it to be a hasty decision."

"Then I will be returning to my post."

"I have kept you away from your duty long enough."

"I shall you give you an answer during our next meeting."

"I await it."

With a nod, Spock gave his goodbyes and left the sickbay.

Spock's mind was already distracted before he visited T'Lat, but now he had even more to think about. He asked himself many questions, all of which had a logical reply.

What would be the consequences of bonding with T'Lat?

_There are no consequences._

Would she end up like T'Pring, and distance herself from him because he was too 'human?'

_T'Lat has an equal amount of interest in Starfleet. She obviously does not mind humans._

Would Nyota agree with his decision if he ended up bonding with T'Lat?

Nyota already said that she only desired your happiness. She would have no objections.

But one question was not so easily answered. It was lingering in his mind before he had even left the sickbay, and he was avoiding trying to think about it, but finally he had nothing else to consider. It finally broke through his resistance and stopped him in his steps—

What would Jim think?

His harsh words still burned in his memory. '_So what are you afraid of this time? What's making you take everything we could have and throw it away like it means nothing?'_

Spock already knew the answer. Though he did not tell him Jim, it was obvious.

Fear motivated Spock's actions. He was running away from his own doubt, his own insecurities, from _himself , _and he knew it. He wasn't like Jim—he couldn't take on a challenge. He always tried to find the most logical (and the _easiest_, the back of his brain said) way out. Jim's mind was welcoming, but it was also human. It didn't have order like a Vulcan brain, and Jim was incapable of controlling it. Just melding with him was risky enough.

_But that did not stop your father._ Spock suppressed the thought, as true as it was.

His father ignored the fact that Amanda Grayson was human, just as he ignored the fact that bonds between Vulcans and Humans were rarely carried out. Sarek's logic did not falter when he dared to love Amanda. He did not lose apart of his Vulcan heritage just because he decided to marry a human. Obviously there were those who couldn't believe that he would truly choose a human over a Vulcan, just as Amanda probably faced an emotional family who thought that she was only signing her death contract, but what did any of that matter?

Without Amanda, Sarek would have been a lonely man.

Spock reminded himself that he was not his father, and had proven it on many occasions. But the evidence said otherwise. There he was—the only Vulcan on a ship full of illogical humans. He may not have married any of them, but he showed just as must audacity as his father by venturing out of his comfort zone and turning down the Vulcan Science Academy. _That_ little stunt of his definitely earned some very angry and confused remarks, but that didn't matter.

Spock _was_ Sarek's son, in every aspect. And he was also the son of Amanda, a human. A human just like Jim.

Spock knew he was being illogical. Jim had done nothing to deserve the treatment Spock was giving him. In fact, Jim had done more than enough to prove that he was worthy of Spock's friendship and affection. Even before the meld, Jim was friendly and willing to bend over backwards to try and make Spock feel welcome. The meld only made it more apparent to Spock, and he knew that he was responding to the thoughtfulness in a completely inappropriate way.

What Spock didn't know was that he was hurting himself just as much as he was hurting Jim.

His thoughts had to come to a stop when he entered the bridge. He didn't remember stepping onto the turbolift, let alone leaving it.

Jim twisted in his chair to face him. "So, what did she want?" He shied under Spock's questioning glare. "Er, I mean T'Lat. Why did she want to speak with you?"

Spock avoided Jim's gaze and continued his brisk walk back to his station. "Why do you wish to learn of our conversation?" His tone was bitter, not like the normal toneless one he often used. But that bitterness was aimed completely at himself. After all, he had finally come to a realization that he was being a complete… to put it in Terran terms, he was being an _ass_.

Jim took that as a polite refusal to answering his question and shrugged it off. It's not like his first officer's behavior was anything new. "Just asking. I'm guessing it must be pretty _personal_ for you—" he paused, realizing that he was over-stepping boundaries, especially while on the brdige. "Sorry. Continue with your duties, Mr. Spock."

Spock wanted to tell him that the hostility in his voice was not directed toward him, but instead he remained silent. With everything that was going through his head at that moment, who knew what would leave his mouth. And with all of the witnesses on the bridge, he didn't want to take any chances.

xxxx

Christine Chapel, who had spent the last four hours in sickbay with nothing to do, now stood in front of M'Benga with an incredulous expression. "You really heard her ask him that?"

M'Benga nodded. "I was only standing about ten feet away. I'm pretty sure I know what I heard."

"Isn't that like marriage for Vulcans, or something?"

"Yes, that's why I'm surprised. But after talking with the other Vulcan survivor, it seems like all Vulcans are a little bit…" he paused, trying to find the best adjective.

"Off their rockers?"

"Not exactly, but the strict control they have over their behavior definitely isn't the same. They can't find a _logical_ way to deal with the stress of losing their home planet. When you separate logic from a Vulcan, you get a person who has problems figuring out how to put butter on a piece of toast."

"Who can blame them? If Earth was destroyed, I'd be pretty bad off, too. Just imaging it—everyone I know and love, all the cities I visited, the house I lived and grew up in… if it all just disappeared in a split second, I'd—I don't even know what I'd do."

M'Benga sighed, nodding in agreement. "I'm not sure what I'd do, either. Maybe I'd become closer with all the people around me in an attempt to try and forget the trauma."

"That sounds like the best way to deal with everything, but would a Vulcan do that?"

"Normally, no. But who knows now. They're harder to understand than ever."

"Especially Spock."

M'Benga's face became distant as he recalled all the truth in Christine's words. Spock found any excuse to skip on his mental and physical evaluations, he spent too much time working and not enough resting, and he avoided everyone, not just the doctors. Half-human or not, no Vulcan would act like that and still be considered mentally stable.

Bones, who had been listening to their discussion, left his deskwork to join them. Christine and M'Benga turned to face him when he walked over to them.

"Speaking of Spock, he's only been getting worse," he said, crossing his arms as he leaned against a nearby desk.

M'Benga's frown intensified. "It hurts that I can't help him. He _is_ my patient, after all."

"Jim's been trying to help, but I don't think he's gotten anywhere."

"The Captain? Really?" Christine asked, studying Bones' face for any sign that proved he was lying. But he was completely serious.

"I don't know why. It's not like Spock has been particularly friendly toward him or anything. But the man's determined." He stopped and sighed. "I'm just worried. Spock's getting worse, and Jim's going nuts trying to help him. We can't lose both of them to stress."

"Can no one really help Spock? Have you tried talking to either of them?" Christine asked.

"Kind of. I've talked to Jim a few times, but I don't think I've done much help." Bones paused, realizing his error. "Dammit, I should be trying to give him some advice right now, not wasting my time on this paperwork." He pushed himself off of the desk and made his way toward his office.

"What are you going to tell him?" Christine sounded just a little worried.

"I don't know— anything. I've helped him with plenty of other things before, though I admit that his previous problems have never involved Vulcans." He left, muttering something about 'kids' and their 'feelings.'

Christine sounded very concerned when she asked M'Benga, "What's going on with Jim and Spock?"

He shrugged. "Typical captain and first officer conflict?"

xxxx

Jim decided he was too tired that night to try and talk to Spock. They would be arriving at Aronor II the next day and he had to read up on the Aronorians and what to expect from them. If he messed up this mission, all of the planets within the Federation would be in danger. There was already an unknown enemy flying around space and blasting up starships. They didn't need another enemy going up against them.

Jim was practically falling asleep, a file about Aronorians open on the computer screen before him, when his comm beeped. He quickly got up from his bed to answer it.

"Kirk here."

"_Hey, Jim."_

"Hey, Bones. Something the matter?"

"_Nothing serious. Mind if I stop by and have a quick talk?_"

"As long as it's quick, sure." And Jim prayed that it would be quick. He was exhausted.

"_Good. I'll be there soon._"

Jim would have refused him, but after reading over ten thousand words on the history or Aronor, he gladly welcomed a quick distraction. He sighed and dragged his hands over his face. He could easily guess what Bones wanted to ask him about.

Jim placed himself back down on his bed and waited.

When Bones entered, he didn't bother moving and still remained lying on his back. As he expected, the doctor walked up the side of the bed and crossed his arms. Before Bones could ask his question, though, Jim was the first to speak. "You want to ask me about something that has to do Spock, right?"

"Only because he's all you worry yourself over, lately."

Jim sat up and motioned for his friend to take a seat next to him.

Bones continued speaking, "Has anything else happened today? Or was today the first in a while where you two actually got along?"

Jim's sigh was long and heavy. He avoided Bones' eyes as he spoke. "No. I got kind of pissed at him on the bridge but it's nothing too serious."

"What'd he do?"

Jim thought about the short confrontation again, his eyebrows furrowing. "He was just… God, I don't know. I've just been pushing him in a direction he really doesn't want to go, and I think he's going to start hating me soon for it if he doesn't already hate me now."

"Now you just hold on to that thought, Jim," Bones interrupted. "I may not know much about that Vulcan but I do know that he doesn't hate you."

"Oh, and how do you suppose that?"

"Who do you think brought you to your room the other night when you fell asleep on the observation deck?"

Jim's protest died in his throat. "So that _was_ Spock?"

"After he went to your room and found that you weren't there, he came to me to see if I knew where he was. Since you weren't, we looked up your location on the ship's computer and found out that you were in the observation deck. I followed him there since I wanted to yell at you for ignoring me, but when we got there, you were already passed out and practically drooling all over the floor. Before I could even say anything, Spock offered to take you to your room. He carried you bridal style and everything, making sure not to wake you." A small smile appeared on Bones' lips. " And correct me if I'm mistaken, but neither Vulcans _nor _humans would do something like that for someone they hate."

Jim didn't reply. He was still surprised by the information Bones had just given him.

"You believe me yet? If you want more proof, I don't have any, so you'll just have to take my word for it."

It was quiet for a few seconds before Jim finally decided to reply, and when he did, it was in the form of a tiny mumble. "I don't understand him."

"What was that?"

He repeated himself, a little bit more loudly. "I just don't understand him. If he keeps this bi-polar act up for much longer, he's going to drive me crazy! It's like he wants to tell me something, but at the same time, he doesn't want to. I've tried to figure him out but I can't _do it_. I can't fucking do it." He placed his face in his hands while his elbows rested on his knees. His breaths were harsh as he tried to control his frustration.

"Jim…" Bones placed his hand on his friend's shoulder. "I think you're just going about this the wrong way."

"What other way is there? Talking sure as hell doesn't work."

"Just try being his friend. Try to forget that he's an impossibly stubborn, pointy-eared hobgoblin and approach him as you would a brother."

"After the images that went through my head yesterday, I'd rather not think of him as a brother."

"You know what I mean," Bones growled. "Now just try to listen to me here, okay? I don't know what's making him act the way that he is, but if you show that you can be there for him and not judge him for his actions, maybe he'll crawl out of that goddamn hard shell of his."

Jim lifted his face to meet Bones' gaze. "It's not that simple."

"Maybe, maybe not. Just try it out. It can't hurt—well, maybe it can. But it'll hurt a lot less than where this whole thing is heading."

Jim once again thought over Bones' words before replying. "Just be his friend, huh?"

It was true that he was demanding a lot from Spock. He even told him that they were friends, yet he wasn't acting much like one.

Both Nyota and Spock Prime told him that he needed to be persistent, but he knew that also meant being gentle. He wanted to help Spock as much as he wanted to help himself.

"I'll try it."

Bones patted Jim's back as he stood up from the bed. "That's just the answer I wanted to hear. The world will end before James Kirk admits defeat."

He chuckled. "I'm not _that_ amazing."

"No, but you're our captain. And you didn't become one because of luck."

Jim was going to throw in another comment but Bones didn't let him. "Anyway, you have work to do. I'll talk to ya some other time." He walked out of the room, leaving Jim to his own thoughts again. For the first time that day, he felt relieved.


	9. Chapter 9

Xxxx

_Chapter Nine_

Xxxx

It had been a long three days since Jim first received his orders, so he was glad when they finally dropped out of warp and could see Aronor II on the viewscreens. Jim read all he could about the Aronorians and hoped that he was prepared enough to commence some negotiations. Because if he really did manage to mess this one up, he knew that more than just his reputation would suffer.

A couple of minutes away from the planet's atmosphere, Nyota turned quickly in her seat and informed her captain, "Sir, there are Klingons in the area."

Jim's expression became concerned—he'd never encountered a Klingon before, but he'd heard enough about them to know what they were like. His xenohistory classes taught him enough about them to let him know that he had to be cautious and couldn't show a single ounce of fear. "Hail their ship. I want to know what they're doing here." He said with authority.

"Yes, sir." Nyota immediately began composing the message.

For a second, Jim wondered if perhaps this ship was the one that attacked the _Washington_. It was in the only other ship they had encountered since then, and they still had no leads on the real attacker. However, Jim had no evidence, and as much as he wanted to find and punish the ruthless monsters, he couldn't jump to any conclusions. He didn't dismiss the idea, though.

Jim was pulled out of his thoughts when Nyota once again spoke. "Incoming transmission from the Klingon ship."

"Put them on the viewscreen."

Jim was surprised to learn that Klingons were even more painful to look at up close.

"Captain Kirk," the Klingon Captain spoke. He quickly glanced at Spock before his eyes locked onto Jim. He attempted to smile but the contempt in his eyes gave his true feelings away. "I am Kruge, captain of this ship."

Jim didn't care about his name, and the tone in his voice showed it. "What is your business on Aronor II?"

"I can ask you the same. This is neutral territory and we have as much of a right being here as you," his scowl intensified.

"That still doesn't answer my question," Jim spat.

Kruge leaned back in his chair, clearly unwilling to follow Jim's orders. "How about you beam onto the planet's surface and find out? And if you don't like what we're doing, go ahead and try to fight us. I'd love to defeat Starfleet's newest captain."

Jim matched the glare on Kruge's face. "If you're doing anything illegal, you're going to have to deal with more than just me."

"I assure you, what I'm doing is perfectly moral."

Pavel coughed a Russian word under his breath, which Jim figured was probably 'liar.' Kruge's eyes didn't move away from Jim, though. He began to speak before Jim could reply. "Is that all you wanted to ask?"

Jim tried his best 'I'm going to mess your shit up if you don't cooperate' face as he spoke. "You better answer me right now; _what are you doing here_?"

"Don't speak to me like that, little human. You're not going to get your answer, so you might as well take my advice and take a look for yourself."

Jim narrowed his eyes.

"You know, Captain Kirk, it reflects badly on your entire race when you treat other… _peace_ seeking beings as the enemy."

"Your kind have never wanted peace and you know it," Jim replied coldly.

"Perhaps your definition of peace is different from ours," Kruge replied just as quickly and coldly.

Jim really didn't have much else to say. He could go on for hours on how much he hated these guys, but he had a mission to carry out and he knew that bad-mouthing Klingons wasn't part of the mission statement. He released an aggravated sigh before replying. "We're beaming down shortly. You better be telling the truth."

"I am, Captain Kirk. I am."

The transmission ended, leaving Jim staring at the wall where the viewscreen used to be. He turned to face Spock, who had also turned around to face him. Spock spoke, "Although I do not have sufficient data to support my observations, I believe that the Klingons are attempting to convince the Aronorians to form an agreement with them."

Jim nodded. "You're probably right."

"Should we inform Starfleet?" Nyota asked.

"Let's check out the situation and make sure. I want a security team of two ready to beam down. And tell Bones he's coming along, too." He faced Spock. "You're joining us."

"Yes, Captain."

"Mr. Sulu, you have the conn," Jim said as he left the bridge, Spock right by his side. As the lift doors closed, Jim entered his destination and turned his attention to the floor. The situation between him and Spock wasn't any better, and although Jim wanted to do or say anything to make it better, he knew that now was _not _the time. He also knew that he wouldn't have much time after visiting the planet to say what he wanted to say. If he could get it off of his chest now, he wouldn't be quite as distracted when dealing with the Aronorians. Or so he hoped that was the case.

Spock remained equally as quiet. Only the sound of the lift descending filled the small space. Jim kept his eyes on the floor until the doors slid open. He walked out, followed by Spock, and as Spock took his place beside Jim, he couldn't continue the silence any longer. "Thank you. For the other night."

Spock's eyebrow illustrated his confusion. For all he knew, he hadn't done anything to illicit gratitude from his captain. In fact, he believed that he had been doing more to anger him than anything else. "To what are you referring, Captain?"

Oh, well, damn. Jim didn't actually anticipate explaining to Spock what he meant. "You know… the other night when I fell asleep in the observation deck."

Both of Spock's eyebrows were raised this time. That darn Doctor.

"So, yeah, I just wanted to thank you. And, well, if you ever need anything…" he stopped the words in his throat. What did he want to say? _Bones made this sound so much easier._

Spock didn't persuade Jim to continue. He only raised an eyebrow in question.

When they were a few feet away from the transporter room, Jim stopped walking and turned to face Spock. Their eyes met and once again, feelings Jim couldn't identify flooded his body. He always found it harder to speak when he was looking directly at Spock. It was even more awkward after the mental images he had of him recently. But Jim had already convinced himself that the only reason he was having inappropriate images of his first officer was because he had been sex-deprived for three months. At least, he was pretty sure that was the only reason.

Spock waited quietly for Jim to continue. He was still feeling slightly embarrassed that Jim knew what he had done that night, but he wasn't just going to let him sleep against the cold wall and possibly wake up with the hugest crick in his neck anyone had even known. He was sure that Jim would have done something similar for him.

Jim finally spoke again, though he sounded less sure of himself than before. "Just know that I'm always here for you, Spock. If you need something, just ask me and I'll do it— not as your captain but as your friend."

Friend. He used that word again. Vulcans didn't have 'friends.' They had people they respected and people who respected them. But despite that fact, Spock found that he liked the idea of having a friend as time passed.

"Thank you, Jim. I will consider your offer." Spock could tell by Jim's expression that he wasn't done speaking.

"I really do mean it. Everyone on this ship—they're more than just my fellow workers. I just want what's best for everyone." Jim wanted to add, 'especially you,' but he was already aware that they'd never share that closeness that they had during the mind meld ever again. The dull pain of loneliness still throbbed in the back of his mind, but he attempted to ignore it.

"Jim…" Spock didn't know what to say. He definitely needed some advice, but Jim was the last person he wanted to discuss his problem with. However, it appeared to him that he had no other choice. "There is a matter with which I believe you can assist me."

"Yeah, what is it?" Jim was relieved to find that Spock already trusted him.

"T'Lat made an inquiry-" he couldn't finish his sentence, for Bones' voice came parading down the hallway and cut him off.

"What do you need me for this time, Jim?" Anyone else would have assumed that he was irritated by the way he was speaking, but Jim knew that that was just his normal speaking voice.

Jim tried to communicate an apology through the look he gave Spock and hoped that he received the message. He quickly strode over to meet Bones right in front of the transporter room.

"You know crazy shit always happens," Jim informed him.

"Of course. I'm the one who has to deal with it," he pointed out.

"I also know you don't like being stuck in the sickbay all day."

Bones growled his next reply. "Yeah, well I hate transporters even more. I'd rather stay in my safe office. Well, as safe as you can get out in space."

Spock walked over to stand by Jim. "Please, Doctor. Decide on your preferable location. We must not delay beaming down to the planet much longer." The Klingons were there. It wasn't his fault they made him just a little nervous.

The doctor glared momentarily at Spock. "Who died and made _you_ Captain?"

"Oh for the love of— come on, we're leaving." Jim grabbed Bones' wrist before roughly dragging him through the doors and into the transporter room with Spock quickly following. Last thing he needed was a civil war aboard his ship.

xxxx

Kruge wasn't completely lying when he said that he wasn't doing anything illegal. When Jim and his team entered the room where the negotiations were to be held, both Klingons and Aronorians were seated and there didn't appear to be any dead bodies around. The only thing that had Jim raising an eyebrow was the appearance of the Aronorians. Their skin was practically white with a hint of yellow, and their faces were long and thin yet they had large black eyes that were emphasized against their pale skin. All of them had short white hair and wore grey robes.

One Aronorian stood up, and Jim quickly learned that they were a hell of a lot taller than he originally thought. The long figure approached him and as it did so, its skin become more blue than yellow, as did its hair. "You are Captain Kirk?"

Jim was glad he could place a gender on the alien when it spoke. Its voice was obviously masculine. "Yes. I'm James T. Kirk. And this is my Chief Medical Officer, Leonard McCoy, my First Officer, Spock, Yeoman Daniel Rogers and Ensign Sejul Kalar." Each person named nodded in acknowledgement.

There were three Klingons seated in the room, and all of them watched Jim with interest.

"I am Ch'lar Stap'tla," the Aronorian spoke.

Jim paled. _How am I supposed to pronounce that without offending him?_

"You are not expected to say my name without difficulty. Stap will be sufficient enough."

The captain blinked. "I am pleased to me—wait, did you just read my thoughts?"

Stap's skin and hair once again changed colors, this time becoming green. "I apologize. My race usually speaks with their minds. I happened to sense what you were feeling. I will refrain from doing so in the future. Please, have a seat wherever you want."

Jim couldn't help but feel slightly vulnerable in the presence of an alien that could read his every thought. Spock found that he had to concentrate not only on blocking out the emotions of the humans and Klingons within the room, but he also had to make sure that none of the Aronorians were probing through his mind.

As they followed Stap into the room, the Klingons exchanged amused glances, and one whispered to another before laughing to himself. Bones mumbled quietly under his breath. "I wanna know what these damn Klingons are doing here."

When everyone was seated, Spock turned to face Stap. "Sir, when shall we begin the discussions pertaining to your admittance into Starfleet?"

Stap and another Aronorian looked at each other and flashed yellow before Stap laid his eyes on Spock. "That may not be necessary."

A Klingon smirked when Stap spoke. Before anyone could question further, he decided to elaborate on Stap's meaning. "You see, Captain, I've already arranged an agreement between us and the Aronorians." And the smug look on his face proved to Jim that he was telling the complete truth.


	10. Chapter 10

xxxx

Chapter Ten

xxxx

Jim slammed his fist onto the table. Anyone who was zoning out was immediately brought back to attention with a jolt of surprise.

"Those bastards- those Klingon bastards."

The inhabitants of the ship's conference room exchanged worried glances. The captain only got angry when they were in really big trouble.

Bones crossed his arms and scowled. "I knew it. I knew they were up to something. They probably knew we were going to try and get the Aronorians to join the Federation all along."

Nyota spoke up, "I informed Starfleet but they haven't replied yet." She then turned to face Jim with a worried expression. "Captain, did you try speaking with the Aronorians?"

Jim released a heavy sigh before replying. "Yes, and they're convinced that what the Klingons have to offer is better than what he have to offer—of course, they didn't believe me when I told them that the Klingons are a bunch of lying snakes."

"I surmise that the Klingons are attempting to further weaken the Federation," Spock said. It was the first word he spoke since the beginning of the conference.

Jim looked at him. He tried to hide his frown as he spoke. "Probably. Vulcan is gone, as is the Federation's most significant ally. In the Klingon's eyes, half of the job is already done. All they gotta do is finish it." He lowered his eyes, but just as he did, a realization occurred and he quickly brought them back up to face his crew. "That explains the attack—the only ship in the quadrant with Vulcan guests is attacked and destroyed, and they didn't stop at just attacking the ship, they beamed aboard to make sure that the Vulcans were dead. They had to flee before we arrived though, so luckily they didn't get a chance to kill everyone." His voice adopted a tone of anger as he continued. "It wasn't enough that Vulcan was destroyed—they want the Vulcans gone completely. I don't know what they're planning next, but my guess is that New Vulcan is moments away from another tragedy."

Jim immediately stopped talking when he saw the slightest change in Spock's expression.

"Spock—I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" he trailed off. His expression become one of concern again as he looked Spock straight in the eyes. He spoke more quietly this time, "Nero already hurt you enough. I'm not going to let these Klingons take even more away from you. I'm going to make sure that we stop them before they do anything else. I swear to god I won't let anything else happen to you."

Spock's expression softened slightly. He knew that Jim meant every word he said.

Hikaru gave a small cough to peel Jim's attention away from Spock. "Er, Sir, should we be jumping to conclusions?"

"No, but at this point we have no leads, no evidence, and we don't have any other choice. We have to act quickly if we want to save any lives."

"Perhaps ye should try speaking with those Aronorians again," Scotty said. "And if that still doesn't work, then we'll take care of those Klingons ourselves."

"What could I say to make them change their mind? That's our main problem here. If they were humans, we could offer money and the problem would be solved."

"Perhaps some wodka? Ewen nonhumans enjoy their drinks."

Jim had to smile at the kid's humor. "If plans A through U fail, then we'll try the vodka."

"Well, what _is_ plan A?" Bones asked.

"I don't know yet. Once Starfleet contacts us, we'll talk it out with them and hopefully we'll have some sort of plan. Until then, we're going to keep an eye on the Klingon's ship. And with that said, you're all dismissed."

Everyone at the table stood up. Before Spock could get too far, Jim called out his name. "Hold on, Spock." Spock halted and faced him. "We've still got something else to settle."

Jim waited until the rest of the room had cleared, Bones being the last.

"What matter do you wish to discuss, Captain?"

"Jim. No one else is around."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "What matter do you wish to discuss, Jim?"

Jim smiled. He motioned a seat near him. "Go ahead and sit down."

Spock did as he was told and waited for Jim to speak. He already knew what the conversation was going to be about but he waited for Jim to commence it.

"Before we beamed down, you mentioned something about T'Lat."

"I did."

"Well, what about T'Lat? Does she know something? Did she say something to you?"

Spock was ready to spill his guts earlier that day but now he found that he would rather keep everything to himself. "She merely brought up a matter of pressing concern."

Jim's playful expression was slowly disappearing. "Spock, stop beating around the bush. You were going to tell me earlier so what made you change your mind?"

Spock really didn't reply this time, causing Jim to sigh.

He reached out his hands and placed them on Spock's shoulders. "Come on, Spock. You know I won't judge you or laugh at you. Something is bothering you and I need to know what it is. Now tell me—what did T'Lat tell you?"

Spock soon learned that he was going to reveal his thoughts to Jim no matter what, so he might as well make his explanation as long as possible. "T'Lat, like most of the remaining Vulcans, no longer has a bond mate. As you may already know, in order for a Vulcan to have a healthy mind, they must also have a bond mate."

Jim didn't complain about Spock's persistence to _still_ beat around the bush. At least he was speaking. "Yes, I'm quite aware of that."

"Just as I was greatly emotionally compromised after the destruction of Vulcan, I believe that T'Lat may still have difficulties maintaining her control and logic."

"Okay. And?"

"Therefore, I conclude that the task she asked of me is solely out of desperation and confusion."

Jim slightly squeezed Spock's shoulders. "What did she ask you?"

Spock tried to find another way to delay the point of his speech, but when he found no other path to take, he lowered his eyes to gaze at the top of the table and confessed, "T'Lat suggested that her and I become bondmates."

Jim's hands dropped from the warm shoulders. "She asked you to _marry_ her?"

"Although that is not the correct term, it is the basic concept. And yes, she did."

"Did you even know her before we picked her up off of the _Washington?_"

Spock nodded his head once. "She is the younger sister of my former bondmate, T'Pring."

Jim's head did another cartwheel. "What was she doing on that ship?"

"T'Lat was influenced by my decision to enlist in Starfleet. She just recently graduated from the Academy and was going to visit New Vulcan when the _Washington_ was attacked."

"So she's a member of Starfleet?"

"Yes."

Jim sat quietly with his arms crossed. He watched Spock's face closely for any expression.

"What did you say? Did you agree to bond with her?"

"No. I told her that I required more time to form a reply."

"So you're considering it."

Spock wasn't sure, but he suspected that Jim was just a little angry. "Jim, this is in no way an insult to you."

"Oh, of course it isn't. After all, it's not like you don't already have someone who's willing to meld with you who just happens to have a mind that's completely compatible with yours."

That was definitely anger. "Jim…"

"Don't try to make any excuses. Just don't." He pushed himself out of his chair and was heading for the door when he remembered what Bones told him. Jim sighed and turned around to face Spock. He had to swallow a couple of times before he could speak without sounding too furious. "It's your decision. What you do is your business. If you want to bond with T'Lat, then you can do that. If you don't, then that's okay, too." He looked at the floor as he tried to summon more words to say. When he found that he had said all that he wanted, he then continued his departure from the room. He stopped at the door and said without looking back, "Just remember, Spock. I'm still here for you. Please don't forget that."

Spock quietly watched him retreat. When he could no longer hear the footsteps, he quietly replied, "I know you are, Jim."

xxxx

Jim explained everything he could about their current situation to Pike, including his reasons as to why he believed the Klingons were the ones who destroyed the _Washington_.

"_You can't go jumping to conclusions._"

"You're not the first to tell me that."

Pike regarded Jim quietly. "_We can't risk this mission. We need the Aronorians. Try talking to them more. Report to me tomorrow if the situation has changed at all_."

"Yes, sir."

"_Just don't start any fights with the Klingons. _Please."

"Hey, that was Scotty's idea, not mine."

"_Try to be a little serious, will you? If you fail this assignment, you'll get in trouble, I'll get in trouble—hell, all of Earth will probably be in trouble!_" Pike wasn't joking, and his face proved that.

"Sorry. I really do take this seriously, sir."

"_Good. Well, it's four in the morning here so I think I'm going to try and reclaim my lost sleep. Don't forget to let me know what happens tomorrow, okay? Pike out._"

Jim switched his screen off as soon as Pike's transmission cut off. He lifted himself from his desk and dragged his tired body over to his bed and collapsed on the sheets. His day wasn't a very good one and he knew his next couple of days wouldn't get any better.

If it wasn't Spock, it was the Klingons. It if wasn't the Klingons, it was Spock. His thoughts never stopped running around in a circle.

Not even one day into the mission and he already had a throbbing headache.


	11. Chapter 11

xxxx

Chapter 11

xxxx

Spock was more than a little distraught after his small talk with Jim. He remained seated in the conference room, staring quietly at the closed doors. He didn't stir until a few minutes later, deciding that he wasn't going to accomplish much by just sitting around.

Even though his shift had ended a while ago, he headed for the botany lab. He rarely ever saw the inside of his quarters.

He was relieved to find that the room was empty when he arrived. It was hard enough for him to gather his thoughts when he was alone, but when humans were present, it was impossible.

Especially if Jim were the one present.

Spock repressed a frown as he recalled his captain's words.

Jim was so upset, so furious. Perhaps even a little bit confused.

But most of all, he was hurt. And Spock was tired of hurting Jim, when all Jim did was show him compassion and friendship. He quickly overcame their rivalry and extended a helping hand when no one else would, or could. And just moments ago, he put aside his own needs in an attempt to help Spock deal with his own.

Besides his Mother, no one had ever offered so much to Spock. But it was more than just emotional stability and friendship, Jim was practically offering himself, soul and all. He walked over to a row of budding plants. They had barely emerged from the dirt two days ago, but thanks to the effort and support of everyone in the lab, the tiny buds were growing quickly. Spock gently examined one of the plants.

In a way, it reminded him of Jim- he was unable to stop thinking about Jim at this point- and it made his chest tighten even more. Just as the little green plant depended on others to grow strong, Jim needed Spock to treat him the same. He needed strength from Spock, but Spock had to be willing to lend it.

Spock let his face show emotion that time as he frowned. He pulled away from the plant and retreated from his thoughts. He was out of the lab within seconds.

If he wanted Jim to remain in his life, he had start making sacrifices of his own.

xxxx

T'Lat wasn't able to sit still for long. Over the course of her recovery, she often followed M'Benga around the sickbay and questioned the functions and purposes of the different instruments and machines. When she learned all she could about the room, she resorted to speaking with Sahlen and the other survivors of the _Washington's _wreckage, but the humans preferred to sleep and Sahlen and she soon found there was nothing of merit to discuss.

M'Benga had finally handed her a padd one morning when he noticed that she was, to put it in Terran terms, bored out of her mind. She gladly sat down with the padd and began reading about the _Enterprise_. It was Starfleet's newest and best ship, so the amount of information on it was bound to keep her occupied for at least a few days.

She was reading about the ship's life support systems when Spock arrived. She set the padd down and met his eyes as he approached her.

"Greetings, Spock."

"Greetings, T'Lat."

She began to remove herself from her bed when Spock shook his head. "Do not exert yourself. I will bring a chair."

Spock did as he said and seated himself a few feet away from T'Lat. Her inquisitive eyes watched his fluid movements, never leaving his form.

"May I ask the reason of your visit?" she asked, although she already knew the answer.

"I am here to inform you of my decision," he said, without missing a beat.

T'Lat waited quietly for him to continue. If she were human, she would have been prodding him out of anxiety. Thankfully for her, Spock did not remain quiet for long. He delivered the message promptly. "I do not believe that I will be able to bond with you." He resisted the urge to apologize, for it would have been unnecessary.

If she was disheartened, she hid it well. "I see." She glanced away for a second but returned her gaze immediately. "You expressed before that you do not have a bondmate. Is there perhaps another individual with whom you wish to bond?"

Spock's posture stiffened. He wasn't able to answer that. "I do not know," he truthfully replied.

T'Lat lowered her eyes. "You have a very knowledgeable and expansive mind, Spock. It is plain to see that you cannot continue for long without meeting another individual whose mind matches your own." Spock waited for her to continue, not sure where she was getting with this. "Though it is clearly none of my concern, I have only encountered one individual serving on this ship whom I find matches your intelligence and deserves your respect. Whether he is your choice or not, he is fortunate to know you."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Of whom do you speak?"

She raised her eyes to once again meet his. "Your captain, James Kirk."

She couldn't know. She just couldn't. Spock wanted to ask her how she arrived to that conclusion, but he wasn't sure how to ask without sounding too surprised or skeptical.

"It requires great determination and intelligence to think as quickly as your captain did during the _Narada _incident, and he saved many lives because of his actions. He has gained much respect."

"He has gained your respect." It was almost a question, but not quite.

"Yes, just as he has gained yours, I am sure. And for someone to gain your respect, Spock, it proves that he deserves you as a bondmate, whether that decision is ever made or not."

Spock felt slightly embarrassed, but Vulcans were honest no matter what. However, T'Lat could have found a less embarrassing way to phrase her words. He responded with the only logical reply. "Indeed. He is quite an extraordinary human."

T'Lat nodded her head. "You too are fortunate. I wish I could remain on this ship, but I must return to New Vulcan if I want to be bonded." She sounded slightly gloomy in her next sentence. "I will undoubtedly be given a stranger as my mate."

Spock could reason with her disappointment.

Every Vulcan child was engaged to someone of the parent's choosing. Sometimes the children knew each other, but most of the time they were engaged to a complete stranger. Despite the fact that it was a custom that went back many generations, there were still those who would have preferred choosing their own companion. T'Pring and her sister were of the newer generation.

"Once I am bonded, I will be expected to remain on the planet. The younger of our species are needed most at this time in order to help repopulate, so I will remain without resisting."

Perhaps it was guilt that caused Spock to think this way, but he did not see how he should be able to remain in Starfleet while T'Lat had to return to her planet. "Is there no other way for you to continue your duties to Starfleet?"

"After considering my possible choices, no."

Jim would find a way, he always did.

"I will speak with my captain. He may have more options."

"That is not necessary."

"No, it is not. But I will still speak with him."

T'Lat was silent as she tried to find the proper response. She could find only one. "Thank you, Spock."

"There is still business to which I must attend before I can discuss the matter with him, but once I do, I will inform you of how he believes we should handle the situation." He stood up and placed the chair back in its rightful spot. He turned to the other Vulcan and added, "Even though we will not be bonded, your willingness to do so was…" Oh, what was the word? The Vulcan equivalent? Perhaps there wasn't an equivalent. "It was flattering."

He then departed without another word.

xxxx

Jim and his landing party were once again on the grounds of Aronor II. Spock, Lieutenant Riley, and the two crewmen from the day before accompanied him.

He decided that Spock's logic and Riley's love for winning arguments might help in persuading the Aronorians.

"So," Jim began, as they were approaching the building where the conference would be held, "If these guys can read minds and stuff, how come they can't see that the Klingons are just lying?"

"Perhaps they're telling the truth?" Ensign Kalar spoke up, though she didn't sound very sure of her observation.

"Klingons? Being the _good_ guys? No, there has to be another way," Riley said. Unlike Kalar, he sounded very sure of himself.

"Personally, I think that Kruge gave his guys some weird potion that makes them invincible to mind-reading aliens."

Jim's reply had everyone raising an eyebrow.

"Captain, that is highly unlikely, as no such compound exists. It is also not possible to take a psi-null race and suddenly give them psychic control."

"Okay, Spock. What about your idea? How come the Klingons haven't been figured out yet?"

"It could very well be that Kruge did not reveal his plans to the entirety of his crew. Therefore, the Klingons that spoke with the Aronorians yesterday could not have possibly revealed Kruge's plans when they do not know what he is planning."

Riley nodded. "I knew there was a trick behind all this."

Jim smiled. "See, you had something to say this whole time. Whenever you have a good idea, just go ahead and spit it out. Chances are, you're right."

"But now we need to convince the Aronorians that _we're _right," Yeoman Rogers pointed out.

"And we'll do just that."

They entered the building and Jim led his party to the right room. Stap, who glowed a faint blue, was already standing at the doorway, ready to greet the captain and his comrades.

"Good afternoon, Captain Kirk."

"Good afternoon, Stap," Jim replied, praying that he didn't call the guy by the wrong name. Luckily, Stap showed no signs of being offended and motioned for Jim to follow him. "Take a seat anywhere."

Unlike yesterday, there were no Klingons in the room, only Stap and three other Aronorians.

"You heard him. Take your seats." All but Spock headed for the farthest end of the table. Spock followed Jim to sit near Stap.

"I take it you were not satisfied with the outcome of yesterday's conversation?" Stap began. Jim tried to figure out what the hell all the color changes meant, because Stap was quickly becoming a darker blue.

"Yeah, to put it simply. We had the idea that we would be the only guests. And we especially weren't expecting Klingons."

"Yes, your kind is not fond of the Klingons," Stap replied.

Another Aronorian began speaking. "May I speak?"

"You may, Tiek'lx."

Jim noticed his people's faces twist into frowns as they tried to recall the pronunciation of the strange name.

"Thank you. Now, Captain Kirk, why are you so against these Klingons? They have shown no signs of hostility, or any such action that evokes our hatred."

Jim wasn't sure how to express everything with words, until he realized that he didn't need to use words. "How about you just read my mind and see what they've done in the past to make us so distrustful today? It would take a day-long history lesson to tell you everything I know."

Tiek'lx looked at Stap, and Jim already knew that they were talking to each other. After about ten seconds, they broke eye contact and Stap looked at Jim.

"We were warned that you would attempt such an act."

It took a moment, but then the Starfleet officers exploded in protests:

"Wait, what are you—you think I'm _lying_?"

"That is highly illogical of you. You can sense whether we are truly lying or not."

"What the hell did they tell you?"

Riley nearly jumped from his seat. "Don't believe a single word those guys told you! If you do, you'll be making the biggest mistake ever!"

"Be seated, sir," Tiek'lx demanded. Turned out that grey was their angry color.

Riley bit his lower lip to stop himself from arguing and quietly obeyed the Aronorian.

"Stap, Mr. Riley is correct. You must not believe any words the Klingons told you. The Federation merely seeks a mutually beneficial pact between our planets. The Klingons, however, have never sought peace and will not do so in the near future." Spock said.

"The Klingons have told us all we need to know. We will not continue to hear your lies."

"Now just hold on a second—" Riley was getting, well, riled up.

"Captain, I thank you for taking the time to visit us, but your assistance is not required. We have made our decision, and it would be most pleasing if you would return to your ship."

"You're not even listening to a word we say," Riley threw in.

"But we have listened. And we have learned the truth," Tiek'lx retorted.

Jim soon realized that he was losing. He was actually _losing_. He desperately tried again to convince the oddly shaped humanoids."Stap, we intend no harm at all. It was clear from the beginning that we just want to become friends of your planet. We've been in contact for six months and you choose now to distrust us?" He stopped when he realized that he was becoming hostile again.

"And the Klingons have known us for far more than a year. They prevented us from making a mistake by forming a pact with a race we barely knew."

"What are they offering you that's so valuable? Money? We'll give you that. Something else? Whatever you want, we'll give it to you, along with your word and out protection." Kalar tried another tactic, and for a second Stap seemed to consider it. But then he refused them again.

"I am sorry, but we have made our decision." Stap stood up, making it clear that he didn't want to continue the conversation any long. His fellow species did the same. "Now leave. There is no point for your presence on this planet, ever again."

Jim clenched his fists and stood up. Kalar, Rogers, Riley and Spock also left their seats. "If you change your mind, which for your people's sake I hope you do, then you know how to contact us." He walked away with his men following him. Stap didn't say anything else, and he didn't need to. Jim received his thoughts with great clarity. It was apparent that the Aronorians weren't going to change their minds any time soon.

xxxx

Jim ignored the plate of food in front of him.

After telling Starfleet the worst news they'd had in a while, he received most of the blame, despite the fact that the Klingons were an unknown variable, and it left him in a sour mood.

He accurately summed up the situation when he was speaking with Bones earlier: "One thing goes wrong and they expect me to turn into a big blue genie and pull magic out of my ass."

Until Starfleet had a new plan, the _Enterprise_ was to drop the survivors of the _Washington_ off at the nearest outpost. Jim didn't mind, of course. He was a ticking time bomb. All it took was one more thing to go wrong, and he was ready to turn around, give Starfleet the bird, then run head first into a battle with the Klingons. He didn't want any innocent people aboard when he decided to go through with the plan.

Jim pushed the food away from him and set his head down on the table.

"I need a drink…" he grumbled.

Nearby footsteps caught his attention and he lifted his head enough inches until he could see the figure approaching.

"Spock?" He wasn't expecting to see him.

"May I sit with you?"

"Yeah, go ahead." He sat up and straightened out his shirt. "What's up?

Spock took the seat across from Jim. He wasn't sure which topic to bring up first. "I have a question that pertains to T'Lat." Jim's expression didn't change, so Spock continued. "I also have information which you might find relieving."

That time, Jim showed curiosity. "First tell me the good news." He wanted anything to lighten his mood at that point.

"Very well. I declined T'Lat's proposal." Straight to the point this time.

"So, you're _not_ bonding with her?"

"That is what I mean when I say 'not bonding' with her," he replied. He didn't understand why humans had to repeat everything.

Jim tried to bite the inside of his cheeks to hold back his smile, but it ended up winning. He found it was already easier to breathe. "That's the best thing I've heard all day," he blurted out, not caring what Spock thought, because he was too damn relieved to care. "Hell, it's probably the best thing I've heard all month."

"It is evident I have made the right decision." What Spock really meant was, I'm glad to see you so happy.

Jim was still smiling when he replied. "Yeah, maybe. I know it has nothing to do with me but I can't help it." After all, he had a chance. A small one, maybe. But it was there. Jim had to put the cap on his almost uncontrollable joy. He was still smiling when he spoke again, though. "What is the other thing you wanted to talk about?"

Spock, for once, didn't catch the question right away. He was still surprised and glad that he had brought such a huge smile to Jim's face. He didn't except his friend to be _that_ happy. His slight hesistation to reply confused Jim but he quickly spoke up before any questions could be posed. "T'Lat recently informed me that she is required to return to New Vulcan, for various reasons. However, she shows more interest in fulfilling her duties to Starfleet."

Jim nodded, already seeing the picture clearly. "You wanna see what I can do to keep her from going off to New Vulcan."

"That is the idea."

Jim smiled again, not as widely as his last one, but wide enough to cause Spock's breath to hitch again. "I'll see what I can do."


	12. Chapter 12

xxxx Chapter Twelve

xxxx

"Do you mean to eavesdrop or is it always a coincidence when you overhear other people's conversations?" asked Bones as he took a sip of his coffee, although he often called the brown goop 'watered down mud.'

Christine gave an innocent shrug as she sat on the edge of his desk, being careful not to touch any of his work. "The sickbay is small—," Bones gave her an unamused look— "Okay, so it's kind of a big area, but I was just tending to some of the patients next door. I didn't do it on purpose, honestly."

He studied her expression before heaving a sigh. "You're not the type to lie so I'll let it slide. But now that you've brought it up, you can finish your story."

Christine smiled, aware that Bones was just as curious about the whole thing as she was. "Now, where was I?"

"Spock walked in and went to talk to T'Lat."

"Oh, right. Well, at first I wasn't sure why he was paying her a visit, but he quickly answered my question when he told her that he _wasn't_ going to bond with her. She took the news well, but then again, Vulcans are trained to do that." She sounded overly happy about the information.

He gave a small grunt. "I knew he wasn't going to."

"How were you so certain?" she asked, sounded slightly worried.

Bones hid a tiny smirk as he set down his coffee. "You like the green-blooded hobgoblin, don't you?"

Christine averted her eyes as she replied. "No, of course not."

He wasn't sure if he should laugh or groan in agony. "Is everyone on this ship crazy? You'd think Spock is the next Casanova! First Nyota, then T'Lat, then you, then Ji—," he stopped then quickly disguised the slip of his tongue, "Er, _Janice_."

The nurse gave him a skeptical look but decided not to question him about it. She opened her mouth to reply when they both heard someone approaching.

Jim walked in and stopped when he spotted the two of them. "Hey, Bones," he waved.

"You again?"

Jim ignored the remark. "And Nurse Chapel." He gave her a nod.

"Hello, Captain." Christine jumped off of Bones' desk and straightened out her dress. "Do you need me to leave?"

"Nah, I was just here to ask about the _Washington _survivors," he assured her.

"Have you even talked to them yet?" inquired the Doctor.

"Not exactly… I've been a bit busy."

Bones almost threw in a remark about Spock, specifically 'Yeah, too busy ogling Spock' but decided to be professional. Not to mention Christine was standing right there."Well, not that you care much," he began jokingly, "but they're doing fine. We can probably get them some guest quarters until we arrive at the station. In fact, why don't _you_ go tell them the news? Get to know them better, and all that fun stuff."

"Hey, I don't have the time-"

"Nurse, could you lead him the way?" Bones allowed no room for arguments.

"Yes, Doctor. This way please." She left the room and Jim quickly followed, but not before glaring at his friend.

A woman and two men were up and walking about when they arrived. Jim walked up to them and offered his hand. "Captain James T. Kirk."

They all turned to face him, seeming a bit surprised. One of the men took his hand and shook it. "Glad to meet you, Captain. I'm Rick. Rick Walters."

Next was the woman. Her handshake was weak and her voice quiet. Practically half of her head was bandaged up. "Marie Sylva."

"Gale Samson," the last person said. He had no visible bandages.

"How are you all feeling?" Jim asked.

Marie frowned as she replied. "We're okay." She has sat back down on a nearby bed and was staring idly at the floor.

Gale patted her back. "We've been through a lot, but we're just glad to have our lives."

Jim thought it was hopeless asking, but he did anyway. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Actually, sir," Rick nervously began, "If it's not too big of a problem, we do have something you could do for us."

"Just name it and I'll do it." He figured it was the least he could do after ignoring the fact that they existed for the past few days.

"As the only remaining crewmen of the _Washington_, we— well, again, if it's not a problem, we'd like to hold a memorial service for our lost comrades."

Jim felt utterly stupid. In one ruthless attack, these people had lost their ship, their colleagues, their _friends_, and he hadn't even considered trying to make them feel better about the whole situation. He felt even more of an incompetent captain and host because he should have visited them the moment they were well enough to talk. He realized that just because he hadn't lost anyone important didn't mean that these people hadn't.

Jim complied. For the next hour or so, he sat down with Marie, Rick and Gale and helped them plan the service, along with helping them with guest quarter arrangements and informing them of their next destination and discussing what they planned to do once they arrived at the outpost. He wasn't surprised when Marie wanted to return to Earth, and honestly he couldn't blame her, but Rick and Gale were eager to get back on board and back to work.

After hearing their plans for the future, he spoke up. "If Starfleet allows it, do you want to work under my command?"

The men exchanged equally shocked expressions before Rick replied. "We would be honored to work under you."

"And I'd be honored to work with you." He stood up, quickly followed by the other three. "I'll inform you tomorrow of Starfleet's decision."

"Thank you, sir."

"And thank you for saving us," Marie added.

Jim gave a grim smile before departing. "You're welcome."

He released a sigh as he left the sickbay. "Looks like I have to save my talk with T'Lat for later," he mumbled to himself. He was out of free time and had work to get back to. When he began his return to the bridge, he heard a voice from behind calling for his attention. He attempted to hide his surprise when he recognized the figure quickly walking after him.

"Captain, wait," Nyota said.

"Yes, Lieutenant?"

"Do you have a minute?" She didn't sound particularly eager, but then again, she never wanted to talk to him.

"Um, yeah, sure. Is something wrong?"

She smiled. "No, nothing's wrong." She motioned for him to follow her into a nearby room that was empty except for a few tables and chairs. She leaned against one, supporting her body with both of her arms. "So, what'd you do to Spock?"

Jim tensed up for a second, worried that he had done something wrong, until he noticed that Nyota was still smiling and didn't look angry in the least bit. "I didn't do anything."

"He's in a good mood."

Jim furrowed his eyebrows. "Really?"

"It's the best I've seen him in a long time." Her gaze diverted from Jim's momentarily as her voice became contemplative. Catching herself zoning out, she quickly snapped back to attention and continued. "I should really thank you."

"I haven't solved anything yet," he protested, still feeling as though he had no involvement in Spock's sudden good mood, if it were even possible for him to be in one.

"No, but you've done a lot more than I could've ever done," she replied. Before Jim could throw in his comment, she continued her though. "How did you do it? _I_ was supposed to be the supportive girlfriend and everything."

Jim interrupted before she could continue her thought. "Supposed to be?"

Nyota realized what she said and immediately felt a little embarrassed. "Well, Spock and I… we were never a thing. I don't really know what we were, but it didn't go far. But it's not like we're enemies now or anything. I'm still there for him as his friend, and I always will be, but I'm not the one for him."

He didn't know what to say to that. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head, still smiling. "It's okay. _You_ on the other hand…"

"What about me?"

She acted as though she didn't hear his question. "I just don't know what it is about you that makes him able to tolerate you."

"Is that an insult or a compliment?"

"Both," she chuckled. She pushed herself off of the table and walked over to Jim, placing her hand on his shoulder. Her cheery expression lightened. "I can't say I know what's going on between you two, but whatever you do, be gentle with him."

"Spock and I are just friends." Even as he said it, he wanted to deny it.

"Friend or not, it means a lot to Spock."

"It's not like I plan on hurting him."

"That's how I felt, but I ended up doing it anyway." Her voice adopted a sad tone.

Jim frowned. He wanted to comfort her but didn't know how. Instead he attempted to get rid of the heavy atmosphere. "You don't mind me swooping in and stealing Spock from you?"

She pulled her hand away from his shoulder and looked at him with pursed lips. "I didn't say that I didn't mind. But it's not like I can change anything— and if it's good for Spock, then I don't want to change anything."

"Ah," was his only reply. He suddenly felt very awkward in her presence. After all, just a few months ago, he had to watch them snog on the transporter pad, and if he were lucky, soon _he _would be in Nyota's place.

His eyes widened when that particular image flashed through his head. But before he could make a hasty retreat before she magically read his mind, Nyota spoke up. "Well, I guess I'll let you get going now. Sorry for keeping you, but I just had to say something." She walked a few feet away before turning around and adding, "Thank you again, Jim."

He didn't know how to respond so he just watched her depart.

xxxx

Jim was sure that the shift was going to be uneventful. He had already sent the message to Starfleet to ask permission to have Rick and Gale work under his command. Of course, he had never requested specific men to join his ship before so he wasn't entirely too sure how the system worked, and he wasn't sure if they were willing to give him new men at the moment, but he was at least going to give it a shot.

It was still two and a half days before they would reach the outpost, which actually turned out to be Eridani Station 18, and in that time, Jim was supposed to sit and wait until Starfleet either scolded him some more or gave him a new objective. He wasn't expecting something interesting to actually happen.

"Captain, I am detecting warp signatures in the area."

Jim didn't have to turn his attention to Spock because he was already staring at the First Officer. In all defense, he had nothing better to do. "Why is that so strange?"

"There aren't any registered Federation vehicles in this area except for the _Enterprise_."

Well _that_ made a difference. "What? Are you serious?"

"Captain, I do not feign scanner readings. In fact, I do not feign anything."

Nyota held back her smile.

Jim cleared his throat as he attempted to adopt a more commanding tone. "Can you identify which ship it was?"

"Negative. I am not picking up a ship on the scanners, and I am not able to determine in which direction the ship was heading. "

The captain furrowed his brows as he analyzed the situation. "We can't do much in warning Starfleet if we don't even know who was here. We'll continue course while keeping an eye out for any signs of the ship."

Jim heard a small sound, and after scanning the bridge, he realized that it was his navigator speaking up.

"Er, sir, I believe I know where the ship was heading." Pavel's face was expressionless except for his widened eyes.

"Yes, Mr. Chekov?" Leave it to the little Russian genius to track a ship that was nowhere to be seen.

"It was heading for the new Wulcan colony."

Jim noticed a shift of movement in the corner of his eyes where Spock was standing.

"You're sure about this?"

"Yes, sir."

"They could just be heading in a planet near there," Nyota spoke up after noticing Spock's reaction.

"Perhaps, but it is wery unlikely."

"Lieutenant Uhura, inform Starfleet of the ship and its destination." Jim wanted to be the one to pursue the intruder but he knew that Starfleet wouldn't authorize it, especially after screwing the last mission up. They weren't exactly too happy with him.

"Yes, Captain."

Jim glanced over at Spock, whose posture was still unnaturally stiff, even for him. He was about to say something when he remembered that the bridge wasn't the place to assuage his crewmembers. It had to be saved for later.

As Jim considered the things he still had to take care of, he wondered how the James Kirk in the other timeline would have dealt with everything. But he felt he already had the answer.

The past few days had taught Jim that he had a long, _long_ way to go before he ever became a successful and skilled captain.


	13. Chapter 13

_I wrote this purely for enjoyment. I do not claim Star Trek or any of its components._

Look! I updated the new chapter and it only took a week! And that includes the four days I spent at Vegas, so I actually could have had this up earlier. But, hey, it's good for me. Speaking of Vegas, I can die happy because I have met Leonard Nimoy. Just saying.

Anyway, I'm still going back and editing previous chapters, and although there aren't big changes, I took a reviewer's advice into consideration because she made some points that made me go, "Wow, what was I thinking." I'm just really determined to make this story as perfect as possible. However, no matter how hard I try, the chapters just never get very long. I just start struggling once I hit 2,000. I don't know why. It's a curse I think.

Well, we passed the one-hundredth review! I thank you all so, so much. You've been the best support, and I'm excited to see how many reviews this story will reach when it's all over. Gah, you're all amazing.

xxxx

_Chapter Thirteen_

xxxx

Jim couldn't deny that things were definitely better between him and Spock. And after speaking with Nyota, his hopes were even raised a little bit. He still couldn't see a possible mind meld in the future, but Spock was finally talking to him, so he wasn't going to push his luck. He reminded himself that he needed patience. A lot of it.

The shift ended without receiving any responses from Starfleet, but he decided not to worry about it. They knew what they were doing, after all. Besides, he had other things that demanded his attention.

Jim, Spock and Nyota entered the lift. It had been a while since he was alone with the two of them, and he wasn't sure whom to acknowledge first.

Nyota ended his indecision by saying, "Christine and I decided that we all need a small break, so later tonight, a bunch of us are heading to the recreational room to play some poker. If you're not too caught up in work, you two should come along."

Jim wasn't aware that they had 'poker nights.' However, he wasn't going to turn down the offer. "Sounds like a plan. I should be free later," he replied with a smile.

"Spock?"

"Poker is not a productive way of spending unused time. There are important matters that require—,"

"Spock," Jim interrupted, receiving a raised eyebrow in response. "It won't last long. Then you can go do whatever it is that needs to be done afterwards, okay?"

"Just give it a chance?" Nyota threw in, attempting to help Jim in persuading Spock.

Spock watched both of them with both of his eyebrows raised. He could have easily said no to one of them, but the duo was hard to refuse. The lift reached the correct floor and the doors slid open. He replied as he left the tiny space. "I will give the offer some consideration."

Jim and Nyota exchanged smiles. Just as the lift doors were closing, Jim suddenly exclaimed, "Spock! Wait!" and bolted out of the lift, leaving Nyota a little confused.

Spock stopped and turned around. "Yes, Captain?"

Jim waited until he reached Spock's side before speaking. When he did, he found it difficult to bring up the topic. "About that ship earlier..." He realized that was the wrong way to start when Spock's back straightened even more. Aggravated with himself, he dragged his hand over his face and apologized. "I'm sorry. I just... I know you're really worried about it."

Spock didn't reply. He merely kept his eyes on his captain.

Jim lowered his hand and clasped both of them tightly at his side, focusing his gaze on Spock's eyes. He had to put this in the right words. "New Vulcan's going to be okay. Even if Starfleet decides to not do anything about it, then I'll take the matter into my own hands."

That managed to get a reply out of Spock. "You do not have to risk your career for the sake of my people."

"Innocent lives mean more to me than some damn position in Starfleet." Jim didn't have to tell Spock. He already proved what he would risk to save lives during the _Narada_ incident.

Spock held the eye contact a little while longer before looking away. "It is that same spirit that makes you the extraordinary captain that you are," he said quietly.

The near compliment made Jim's heart swell and he found himself speechless. He managed to swallow the ball of nerves that somehow gathered in his throat before speaking again. "Er, there was something else I had to discuss with you."

Spock faced him. "Yes?"

"Do you think you could help me with T'Lat?"

"With what do you require my assistance?"

"Speaking with her. I could probably figure out how to help her on my own, but I think it'd be easier if you were brainstorming with me." That was only part of the story. Jim knew he wasn't a professional when it came to speaking with Vulcans and he knew that Spock would keep him in line.

"We cannot discuss it prior to your meeting with her?"

"We can, but then we don't know what she thinks about the plan. It'd be easier if we're all present."

Spock wanted to keep arguing, but he knew better than that. "Very well. Shall we speak with her now?"

"Yeah. We need to figure it out before we reach the base." Jim made his way back toward the lift and motioned for Spock to follow him. He glanced at his first officer's expression and saw some irritation in the firm set of his lips. He couldn't help but feel accomplished in his strengthening ability to read Spock's expressions, but he had to ignore the victory as he spoke up again. "I know it's probably awkward for both of you. I mean, you _did_ turn her down and everything, but you're the one who wants to help her so you might as well tag along." Jim wasn't sure why he found the need to continue convincing Spock. They were already in the lift that was heading for the right floor and it was obvious that he intended to go through with the request.

"It is not awkward, for that implies an emotional response, which neither of us are capable of experiencing," he responded.

Jim rolled his eyes. No matter how many times he had witnessed Spock experiencing some sort of emotion, the Vulcan still denied it. "So you mean to say that if I were to kiss you in front of her, _neither_ of you would feel awkward?"

Spock became silent as his eyes widened by the slightest bit. He kept his gaze on the wall ahead of him. "I do not have to consider the results of a hypothetical situation that has a zero-percent chance of occurring."

"Well, I wouldn't say a _zero_ percent chance of happening…" he replied, still employing his joking tone.

That time Spock did make eye contact with him. But he quickly looked away, his ears turning a barely noticeable olive green. Jim grinned with smug satisfaction upon seeing Spock's reaction. Now that he knew that Spock was capable of _blushing_, he planned to do that to him a lot more.

Spock was saved when the doors opened, and just as he did earlier, he quickly walked through them before they were fully open. Jim had to almost jog to keep up with his quick and long strides as they made their way to the sickbay.

Bones didn't look up when he heard footsteps at his door. "What do you need, Jim?"

"You are mistaken."

"Spock?" Bones looked away from his desk with shock. "What's the matter? Are you okay?"

As soon as the question left his mouth, Jim appeared right behind Spock. Spock raised an eyebrow and Jim's jaw showed no subtlety as it plummeted to the floor. Bones eyebrow reached even higher than Spock's as he spoke quickly. "I agree- let's pretend I never asked that." He damned his doctor instincts.

Still too shocked to utter any words, Spock spoke in Jim's place. "Doctor, we have come here requesting the room number of the guest quarters in which T'Lat is currently residing."

"Oh, she's in room B32."

Spock nodded his head then left. Jim remained, his attention still focused on Bones.

"Pick your damn mouth up off the floor and get outta here. It's getting drool everywhere," he grumbled before his friend could make a smart remark.

"Uh, yeah. See ya later." Jim departed, leaving Bones to curse at himself before getting back to his work.

xxxx

T'Lat had just finished arranging her hair in a style accustomed to Vulcans, leaving not a single strand out of place, when the buzzer to her quarters went off. She could already sense Spock's presence on the other side of the door as she pressed the button that allowed it to slide open. "Greetings, Spock. And Captain Kirk."

"Hello, T'Lat," Jim greeted. "Nice to see you again."

"Greetings, T'Lat," Spock said, holding up a hand and parting his fingers in the customary ta'al.

"You may come in and sit down at the table."

Spock and Jim did as she said. When they were seated, T'Lat took a seat across from them. Jim spoke first. "So, Spock told me that you don't want to go back to New Vulcan?"

"I did not express her request in those words," Spock argued.

"That's not the point."

"You are essentially correct. Although I did not intend to distract you from your duty, Spock insisted that you may be of some assistance, and if that were truly the case, then I could not deny his offer."

Jim clapped his hands together in what Spock identified was a common Terran gesture that signified willingness to begin a discussion. "First, let's get the details—why don't you want to go to New Vulcan? Is there something wrong with it?"

"No, the colony does not suffer from anything. However, when I enlisted in Starfleet, I intended to fulfill all of my years of duty before returning to my planet. Because of my age and health, I will be most helpful in helping to repopulate my race. It is obvious that I can only choose one decision." Her green eyes remained fixed on Jim until Spock stirred in his seat.

"And what of Sahlen?" Spock inquired.

"Sahlen is not of Starfleet. He holds a high position in the Vulcan Science Academy. He was visiting Earth to assist in some research when Vulcan was destroyed. Neither him nor I could attain a ride to the new Vulcan colony until just recently."

Jim nodded in understanding.

"What'll happen if you decide to stick with Starfleet?"

"There will not be any immediate consequences, but my involvement would be extremely beneficial."

Jim glanced at Spock, realizing that Spock must have had to make the same decision. But unlike T'Lat, Spock could be in two places at once. She didn't have an easy way out.

"What if…" Jim began pondering out loud. He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair as he attempted to come up with a solution. Spock and T'Lat watched him closely, even though he didn't actually speak until almost a full minute later. Finally an idea occurred to him and he broke the silence. "What if you were able to remain on New Vulcan and work for Starfleet at the same time?"

T'Lat raised an eyebrow. Jim wondered if she picked up that habit from Spock or if all Vulcans did it. "How would this be possible?"

"Well, obviously you wouldn't get to work on a ship, but let's say that Starfleet builds a base of some sort on New Vulcan."

"Impossible. The Vulcan High Council would not permit it," Spock told him.

"Maybe they wouldn't before all of this happened, but there aren't many Vulcans left now. The colony is pretty much defenseless, and even though they wouldn't admit to needing help from a bunch of humans, it would do them some good, even if the help is only temporary." It all made sense in his head. "What harm could it do?"

"There is only a very small amount of Vulcans enlisted in Starfleet. If such a building were to exist on the colony, it would most likely go unused," Spock said.

"Who said only Vulcans could work there? I'm sure there are plenty of humans who want to help out."

T'Lat watched the two discuss the matter. She spoke up after Jim finished making his points. "Although the notion is not a bad one, it is a large decision that would require much thought from the Federation. Even if they accept your equest, persuading the Vulcan High Council will be the most difficult obstacle." She was only being logical.

"It's worth a try," Jim sourly replied. "Unless you want to spend the rest of your life raising kids and throwing away all the effort you put into Starfleet."

"Jim," Spock interrupted, showing displeasure with his captain's choice of words.

"You have any better ideas, Mr. Spock?" Jim replied, wincing when he realized how defensive he sounded.

Spock held back a sigh shook his head. "No. I regret that I do not."

"Then it's worth a try."

"I do not mean to cause an argument between the two of you," T'Lat interrupted, sounding apologetic. "Although I am grateful of the amount of thought and effort you have put into my personal dilemma, it appears that there is no simple solution. I will do what my people require of me and remain on New Vulcan."

"T'Lat, you don't have to—"

"That is not necessary—"

Spock and Jim paused and looked at each other before Jim cleared his throat and continued. "Let me try, please. I want to help you. I'll think of something sooner or later, and if I fail, then you can go ahead and live on New Vulcan."

T'Lat glanced at her hands resting on her lap, then closed her eyes and gave a small nod. "Very well. I will withhold my decision until then."

"Good," Jim managed a small smile.

Spock took his turn to speak. "The Captain and I will be departing now. Did you require anything else?"

"No, you have already done enough. I must thank you again. The both of you."

"Just doing our job."

Jim and Spock rose from their seats and proceeded to the door. T'Lat accompanied them and stopped when the bulkhead slid open. "Farewell Spock," she held her hand up and gave him the salute, "and Captain Kirk."

The two left and once they were a couple of paces out of T'Lat's quarters, Jim turned to face Spock. "I swallow more than I can chew sometimes," he admitted quietly.

"It is an interesting metaphor, but I agree."

"But I couldn't just say, 'Sorry, we can't help you. Figure it out for yourself.'"

"Indeed you could not have. But that does not make you a bad captain, or a bad person."

A small smile blessed Jim's lips. He lifted his hand and placed it gingerly on Spock's shoulder. "I don't know what I'd do without you," he said, although it did not actually pertain to the conversation. However, Spock knew where his train of thought had been and did not comment on it. Instead he nodded and reached his own hand out to lay it over Jim's. The moment was brief but it was enough to make Jim's insides twist and churn. He wanted to stay like that for the rest of the day if he could, just the two of them in that empty corridor, holding hands. But Spock had pulled his hand away, leaving a warm tingling sensation in its place.

"If I am to attend the poker game tonight, then there is work in the science lab I must complete."

Jim didn't know how Spock could still sound to calm and collected, for he found it difficult enough just to get his vocal chords working. "Um, right. I should finish stuff too."

"Then let us walk to the lift together."

Jim walked by his side, perhaps closer than was necessary, but he didn't attempt to fix it. He and Spock had exchanged something in that touch, and although he wasn't sure what, he knew that Spock wouldn't mind the close proximity.


	14. Chapter 14

This chapter took way too long to finish. A) My computer is a little booger and doesn't cooperate. B) College started so now I have less time to myself. C) I didn't know what to do with this chapter. But there is good news! I know the direction I want the story to go in (finally) so I can hopefully get chapters out more quickly. But I do have another ST story I need to finish first before I can put up chapter 15, so please be patient until then.

I'm hoping the content of this chapter makes up for the wait. The K/S-element of this story has been very slow moving so far, but it's going to pick up, along with the plot. That's always exciting, yeah?

Anyway, thank you again for the reviews and support. You're all such wonderful and amazing people, and I hope that you'll all stick with me through to the end.

P.S. I've never played poker in my life, so if I messed up on some technical element, please let me know. And go ahead and identify any other mistakes.

xxxx

_Chapter Fourteen_

xxxx

Spock was cautious as he entered the recreation room. It was not a place he often visited. In fact, it was a place he never visited. He was only able to find it because Nyota had told him where to find it.

He soon realized that he was not the only one in the room who felt awkward because of his presence. Scotty, Pavel and Hikaru, who were involved in a discussion, quieted down when Spock approached the table. Nyota and Jim were the only two smiling amongst the many confused faces.

"Er, hello, Mr. Spock," Pavel nervously greeted.

Jim clapped a hand on his back. "No need to be so serious. He's going to join us in our game of poker."

That caused a few eyebrows to rise. Bones crossed his arms and gave Spock a contemplative look. "You play poker?"

Spock, who was still standing before them with his arms placed stiffly behind his back, replied, "It is not something in which I have ever engaged, yet I am familiar with the rules. Considering it is a game that does not require logic or puzzle solving, I presume it to be fairly simple."

That deserved an eye roll from Bones, but Jim's smile just widened. "Go ahead and have a seat. We haven't started yet."

"I'm glad you decided to show up," Nyota told Spock. "Who knows, you may end up liking it." She smiled to let him know that she was teasing him.

Spock doubted it, but he knew that he would delay the game if he continued speaking. Instead he took a seat next to Jim, who was obviously saving it for him, and looked up at the curious faces that still faced him. Christine was apart of the group that stared at him, but she was doing it for other reasons. She coughed and averted his gaze when his eyes met with hers. Dismissing her actions with not even a single eyebrow raise, he spoke, "Shall we begin?"

The game didn't last very long, and Christine was out of chips (which were replicated only because they didn't have anything else to use) before anyone else. Scotty soon followed, who was rather upset, claiming that he'd never been out of a game that fast before. Nyota assured him that he would have better luck next time they played.

Jim wasn't upset at all when he lost, considering he had a competitive nature. He was too happy to care. He was in the company of his friends, and he didn't have to wear that awkward captain mask. It only took a couple of months, but he could sit in the company of his colleagues and be able to call them friends. Sure, Pavel took some time getting used to him, but he soon learned that Jim wasn't one of the overly pushy and stuck up captains. Instead he treated all of his crew as equals, and everyone contributed something as equally important as the last person.

Of course, Jim's mood was greatly affected by Spock's presence. He would admit that he and Nyota had their doubts asking the Vulcan to join them, but he was glad they at least tried. Even though Spock still referred to him as 'Captain' in the company of other people, there was still a wall that was laid to rest. Jim, who had been staring at the table, looked up to see Spock, who was dominating the game along with Pavel, and hid the smile that attempted to break through. _This is probably the first time he's ever put work aside to just have some fun_.

Spock sensed the few seconds Jim's eyes were on him and looked up to meet the gaze. Jim gave a small, embarrassed smile before turning to Bones, who sat right next to him, to engage in some sort of conversation.

Spock also quickly returned his attention back to the game. He wasn't sure why he was so easily distracted lately. It was very unVulcan-like of him. But when he considered that most of his distractions were because of Jim, he figured he could forgive himself.

In the end, Pavel took home the prize. Some had to suppress a giggle when he claimed to be 'wictorious.' He was honestly working on his v's, but he was still unsuccessful in uttering the correct sound.

Spock was still seated when most of the table had cleared. Jim still remained by him, speaking even as a few more people were getting up to leave. "Maybe you'll win next time."

"Perhaps."

Jim realized that meant that Spock was considering playing it again and grinned. "Well, I'm glad you had fun."

"Jim," the room was empty save for the two of them, "Vulcans do not 'have fun.'"

"Sure you don't," he said as he pushed himself out of the chair.

Spock was going to make a comment but thought better of it. Anything he said wouldn't have persuaded Jim to believe him. He also stood up and once he was by Jim's side, they left the room together.

Jim found the evening to be extremely enjoyable, and for once he wasn't too worried about his job. He was even more pleased to see that Spock didn't hate being in the company of humans, and that he actually enjoyed the game. Though it made Jim curious— what other things did he enjoy?

"So, Spock, what else do you like to do, besides work?"

"If you are referring to hobbies, I do not have any."

"Nothing? Not even something like reading?"

Jim wasn't sure why it took Spock so long to respond, but he eventually did. "I once played a Terran game called chess. I have not had the chance since that time, but it was… mentally stimulating."

_Ah-hah. _"Let's play it sometime."

Spock's lips twitched into what Jim identified as a very suppressed grin. "Inform me of the next time you want to play a game, and I will see to it that my schedule is free."

"Will do."

Spock began walking ahead to the turbolift and Jim quickly followed.

"Oh, Spock, one more thing."

"Yes, Jim?"

Jim wasn't sure why it made him so happy to hear Spock breathe his name, but it did every time. "Since we still have time, do you mind helping me compose a message to Starfleet about the base on Vulcan?"

Spock showed some surprise, believing that Jim had abandoned the idea, but he acquiesced anyway. "I have enough time to assist you."

"Great. Let's head to my quarters, then."

xxxx

Jim sat back to examine the message he and Spock had composed in the last hour. It would have been done sooner, but brilliant minds tend to butt heads over the smallest details, so Jim was spent editing and changing most of his request with reluctance. However, the result was satisfactory, and Jim was confident that he couldn't be refused. Well, fairly confident. Spock was still doubtful but Jim informed him that humans have this thing called 'hope,' and that it sometimes helped in situations like the one they were currently in.

"So, is everything to _your tastes_, Spock?"

Spock dismissed the sarcasm and reviewed the message yet again. After scanning it, he nodded his head. "If Starfleet does refuse your request, it will not be because of the way you worded it. I see no flaws."

A satisfied grin flashed across Jim's face. "Good." He had returned his attention to the screen when he became aware of just how much he relied on Spock, causing him to feel the need to apologize. "Hey, Spock."

"Yes, Jim?"

"Sorry for always wasting your time like this."

"It is illogical for you to apologize. I am your first officer, and I am required to assist you in any matters you find necessary of requiring my help," Spock quickly replied without missing a beat.

"Still, I shouldn't be so…" he paused, sighing when he found the right word that described his actions, "so _dependant_."

"Jim." This time, the tone in Spock's voice caused Jim to stop his thoughts and pay full attention. It wasn't that Spock was angry— no, not an ounce of anger was in his voice. There was a sense of urgency in it nonetheless. "Do not feel sorry. I could have easily refused to offer my help, but I did not. I also do not regret lending you my time. If you ever require assistance, do not hesitate to ask me because you believe that I will be too occupied with something else, or whatever excuses you believe I may make. You are my captain, but you are also my—"

Spock's mouth ceased moving, his tongue and lips still in the position of the word he wanted to utter. His eyes, which were previously focused on a point past Jim's face, now turned to look directly into his captain's eyes. He swallowed as he attempted to finish his sentence. "You are also my friend."

Jim couldn't possibly continue the argument, not after that. He couldn't even continue to breathe, let alone think. He didn't realize he had held his breath before Spock finished his sentence until he was forced to feed oxygen to his brain. He released the breath from his mouth and he looked at the floor, feeling somewhat embarrassed, yet privileged, to see such a vulnerable side of Spock. Even when he managed to put his thoughts back in order, he failed to find a decent reply.

Along with his embarrassment, he felt shock. He often told Spock that they were friends, but Spock had never fully acknowledged that friendship until now. Yet his ears didn't deceive him—Spock referred to him as a friend.

The train of thought that tumultuously traveled through Jim's head further left him speechless.

Friendships meat a lot to Vulcans.

Spock was a Vulcan.

Jim was Spock's friend.

Jim meant a lot to Spock.

The full meaning of those words hit Jim and his heart throbbed with… excitement? Joy? Relief?

Spock was worried he had overstepped a line when Jim remained quiet for so long and began to speak up. "Jim?"

Jim quickly lifted his gaze from the floor, and Spock saw the smile that was lighting up Jim's features. It was the smile reserved only for him, though Spock wasn't aware of that little fact yet.

"Spock…" He didn't know which words he wanted to say, but he felt that no matter what he did say, Spock wouldn't get scared or offended and retreat into that hard, stubborn shell of his. "Your friendship means everything to me," he admitted quietly, the softness in his voice wrapping itself around Spock's heart.

The terminal screen still glowed faintly, having dimmed down to conserve energy. Neither of them had noticed though, because the warmth in each other's eyes as they regarded each other still glowed brightly.

Jim's chest had subsided from the throb of joy that encompassed it earlier, but Spock's had only just begun to feel nervous. He told himself that if he could just pull his eyes away from Jim's, he would be able to breathe normally again, but he was trapped, and the rest of him showed no interest in getting out of that enticingly enjoyable trap.

Jim also showed no interest in looking away. The deep brown eyes before him were completely open to him, and it was something he hadn't seen in what felt like forever. There was a human soul in those eyes, and it was reaching out for him, pulling him closer…

What neither of them had realized was that they were physically moving closer. Even the hot breath running across Jim's cheeks couldn't pull him out of his trance, and he was completely unaware of the near contact his and Spock's lips almost made.

Their lips had barely brushed when Jim fully realized what he was doing. The ephemeral moment ended when pulled away quickly and almost cursed at himself. This wasn't what Bones had meant when he said 'be a good friend.' His eagerness to touch Spock's skin was too much, though, and he found that it had almost physically hurt him to pull away from Spock like that.

Spock was still stationary, and Jim could almost see the circuits connecting in his head, trying to make sense of what exactly had just occurred. When Spock still hadn't said a word, Jim took it as a sign to apologize. "I'm sorry, Spock. I shouldn't have done that."

Spock's eyes snapped back into focus, but they hadn't lost their warmth and vulnerability. They were still open and calling to Jim. Jim soon doubted if he had done the right thing by pulling away or not.

Spock hazardously reached his hands out and placed them softly on Jim's shoulders. "Jim," he said, though Jim was almost convinced that Spock hadn't said anything; that his lips had just moved in the shape of his name and he filled in the silence with his own audio.

Spock didn't continue. His mouth moved as though he were about to say something but changed his mind the last second. Jim's scared breathing was the only sound to fill the room as Spock held onto his shoulders. When Spock had given up on telling Jim whatever it was he wanted to reveal, he finally broke the eye contact and turned his head away, dropping his hands from Jim's shoulders in the process. He regained his stiff posture and glanced at the formal request to Starfleet, still waiting to be signed and sent.

Jim closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. Perhaps he did screw up. Again.

Spock didn't follow the usual routine though. He didn't make up an excuse to leave Jim's presence, and he certainly wasn't fidgeting or acting wronged in any way.

He was just pensively silent. Contemplative.

Jim cleared his throat and decided it was time to break the silence. "We should get some rest now. Let's just finish this up and get it sent out."

"That would be wise."

Adding the finishing touches to the message, Jim turned his terminal off and stood up from his chair, turning away from Spock. Spock followed his actions and returned his chair to the desk on the other side of the room. He glanced at Jim's turned form but he didn't motion to leave the room. He remained standing in his spot, still attempting to form a sentence that would ease the uncomfortable silence that had settled between the two of them.

Jim felt the eyes on him and turned to meet them. He almost thought against posing the question, but he brought it up anyway, desperate to know which direction their brief skin contact had led their friendship. "You… aren't upset, are you?"

Spock shook his head. "No. I am not." He forced his limbs to carry him to the exit of the room. He stopped at the door and stood quietly as he regarded Jim. He hadn't really noticed it before, but Jim was certainly attractive. He dragged his eyes up the human form and landed on Jim's lips. It sure was a shame he couldn't enjoy those lips.

Spock stopped those thoughts from proceeding. Once he had finished zoning out, he finally spoke. "Thank you for today, Jim. It was enjoyable."

Jim was still deciphering Spock's meaning behind the word 'enjoyable' long after the tall form had left the room.

Whether Spock was referring to the poker match or what they had just shared a few moments ago, Jim didn't care. The worry and nervousness that had descended upon him a few minutes earlier was gone and replaced with relief.

Jim allowed himself a small and weak chuckle as he plopped down on his bed. "You're such a mystery, Spock."

xxxx

While the events of the night had gone smoothly and without excitement for the _Enterprise_ and her crew, the same could not be said for a small colony a couple thousand lightyears away.

The large, red sun barely skimmed the horizon of the desert planet when a large shuttlecraft could be seen descending slowly from the sky. A few startled Vulcans left their homes and surrounding buildings to watch the vehicle as the distance between it and the surface of the planet gradually decreased.

The eldest of the Vulcans watched with curios eyes as the vehicle landed. He, along with a few of the other intrigued locals, approached the lump of metal and stopped a few meters away from it. For a while, no one or nothing moved. The old Vulcan remained with his eyes fixed on the craft until the doors finally swung open. A very feminine figure left the vehicle, followed by no other beings. She scanned her eyes over the unemotional faces turned toward her but she made no movement to greet them.

The old Vulcan's eyes widened for a split second as he absorbed the physical features of the female's face. Her fair-tan skin, her long brown hair, her gently tapered ears, the soft yet serious sweep of her eyebrows, and the way her lips remained sealed and firm, all rang a bell clear and loud in his head. He almost forgot that she would not recognize him and he was forced to hide his perplexed expression.

The woman continued to walk further away from her shuttlecraft, carrying her shapely figure with pride, and stopped only when she reached the eldest Vulcan. In a graceful sweep, she bowed and spoke. "I am Commander Tavel. I come to offer help from the Romulan Empire."

He knew that wasn't her real name, that only those close to her were allowed to hear the personal name spoken from her lips, but he nodded his head anyway. "Greetings, Commander Tavel. I am Ambassador Sp—" No. He couldn't use that name anymore. It belonged to someone else in this universe. "I am Ambassador Selek. Your arrival is unexpected. No one of the Vulcan High Council has been warned of your arrival."

"Even if we had given a warning, you would not have welcomed my arrival."

Spock Prime nodded his head. "This is true."

"Surely you have used that logical head by now to figure out why I'm here," she said with some amusement in her voice.

"There are two possible objectives you hope to achieve by visiting this desolate colony, and they both depend on whether you have good or bad intentions."

Tavel nodded her head. "And do you wish to discuss my intentions?"

The Ambassador shook his head. "Not here. Follow me and we shall continue this discussion."

The Romulan complied and followed him quietly.

For the first time since he watched his planet disappear before his very eyes, Spock Prime felt panic. He remembered the Commander from his own time and assured himself that she was not one to mindlessly take lives, unlike most of her kind. This small memory lessened the fear in him. He didn't have time to be afraid.


	15. Chapter 15

Some of you picked up on my (rather obvious) hints about the Romulan Commander. She's one of my favorite characters from TOS so I just _had_ to put her in here somewhere, though she is younger. I suggest you go watch the episode with her, 'The Enterprise Incident,' on either or I think the BBS website streams TOS episodes too.

You know that other ST story I said I had to finish before I got this updated? Well, I scrapped the whole thing. It was making me very frustrated. I will get back to it but I decided that this was in serious need of an update. Again, I would have had this done sooner, but it was hard to get me away from playing the new Kingdom Hearts game and watching _Merlin_ and playing with my new dolls and messing around with my new computer and, er... yeah. Let's just say that these past few weeks have been "let's distract Aisha from getting anything important done!" But alas, here I am! And I hope you enjoy what I bring for you. This is the longest chapter yet with 3,600 words! That's such an accomplishment for me.

Again, thanks so much for the reviews and story favorites and etc. It makes writing this story so much more fun when I get to hear from all of you :)

xxxx

_Chapter Fifteen_

xxxx

Commander Tavel sat cross-legged in front of the Ambassador. They had retreated to what Terrans would call the City Hall, although it was nighttime and no one occupied the building save for the Romulan and Spock Prime.

"You said that you bring help from the Romulan Empire?" Spock began, sounding suspicious, and with good reason.

A small smile crossed Tavel's lips. "Yes." But then a serious glint shone in her eyes. "I am not lying, though I cannot blame you for your doubts. What happened to your home planet was not the cause of my people. I saw the ship once- the one that brought destruction to your race. It was not of any of our fleets. In fact, we have many reasons to believe that the Federation was lying when they said the crew aboard were Romulan." Spock began to speak up in protest but Tavel silenced him with the flick of her wrist. "However, that is another issue that we won't be discussing just yet."

Spock elevated his head and continued to stare at Tavel with squinted eyes. "Then what do you want to discuss?"

"Patience, Ambassador. We will get there. First I will inform you of my situation. I need you to trust me, after all." Spock didn't reply so she continued. "It doesn't take a keen eye to see that your Federation is weakening. In fact, it's the weakest it has ever been. An entire planet gone, a possible ally lost to the Klingons, and you're still recovering from the fleet you lost to the _Narada'_s attacks." Tavel shifted in her seat. "Your people are still in danger. The protection of the Federation is the only thing holding you together."

"Why does the welfare of my people concern you?"

Tavel grinned again. "It does not concern me, but it greatly concerns you. It is your responsibility to see that this small colony is out of harm's way, is it not?"

Without even knowing the situation, Tavel had tapped into Spock's guilt and was using it against him. Perhaps it was a lucky guess on her part, but it was a very effective one.

"Yes," Spock replied dryly. "It is my responsibility."

"Then you won't mind making a deal."

"A deal? Of which kind?"

"A temporary alliance between your Federation and my Empire. Whoever is attempting to weaken and destroy your Federation will have another enemy going up against it."

This time Spock replied without question. "You require something in return."

"Of course. That's how it always works, isn't it?" The Commander leaned back in her seat and held a hand to her chin. "There is only one thing I require."

"Name your price."

"The secrets of the _Narada _incident, and that includes information on the weapon used to destroy your planet."

Spock sat up straight in his seat. "Impossible. That is information that cannot be revealed, not to anyone. No one would allow you to gain that knowledge, even if I were to ask them to do so."

"You don't sound like someone who wants to spare your race more suffering."

"Commander." Spock stopped himself from pleading, "It is impossible to give you what you want."

Tavel ignored him. She stood up and began pacing the room with her hands behind her back. "It is not impossible. As long as there are people alive who know the secret, you are able to accomplish the task. There are many things at risk here, many things that can be brought out of danger if you cooperate. There is a force out there trying to destroy anything and everything that gets in the way between it and its control over the Federation. There is also a force willing to be your ally and fend off the danger, but you do not want their help. You're putting many lives in danger, Ambassador."

"Commander Tavel, it is not my decision to-,"

"But it _is _your decision. I can speak with no one else. You are the only one who would even give my offer some consideration."

Silence settled between them as Spock once again found it impossible to reply. He didn't know what to say or what to do. No one could predict what the Romulans would do if they got their hands on the red matter.

Actually, that was lie. The death of Vulcan was a prime example of what the Romulans could accomplish with the red matter in their possession.

"Ambassador Selek," Tavel began again. She had walked back to stand in front of the old Vulcan while he was considering the consequences. Spock looked up at her but still said nothing. "Do _you_ know what killed your planet, as well as nearly all of your race?"

Spock stiffened. He couldn't lie. If he lied, he would have thrown away any chances of saving his people. If the Federation wouldn't give Tavel the information, then he was the only one left willing to do so. He was very hesitant on replying, but he knew that Tavel wouldn't wait forever for his reply. Eventually he decided. "Yes. I do," he replied quietly and almost immediately wished he hadn't said anything at all.

Tavel smirked. "Then you do not even have to bring the Federation into this. We can easily exchange all the information. Right here, right now."

Spock shook his head, conflicted with his choices. "I-I cannot."

The Romulan wasn't angry. She was confident enough that the Ambassador would eventually disclose his secrets. She gave a small shrug as she stood up. "I will give you more time to think about it, Ambassador. After all, it's not an easy decision- choosing between sparing your people's lives and deceiving the Federation." She lifted herself from her seat with a grace that contradicted her warrior's instincts. "I shall see you in the morning. Hopefully you have a decision by then. It can't be much longer until another attack is aimed at your Federation."

She left the room, leaving Spock alone with his thoughts.

He sighed as he thought about her offer. He didn't know what to choose. He had already made a mistake in another universe. He didn't want to make any more in this one.

xxxx

"Can you believe the way the Captain kept looking at Spock last night?" Christine asked as she walked into the CMO's office to loudly plop some PADDs on a desk.

Bones, who was previously occupied with organizing parts of his office, didn't even turn to face his nurse as he replied, "You're horrible at hiding your feelings, you know."

Christine reddened. "You already know."

Bones smiled. "All too well."

Christine wasn't going to drop the subject very easily. "So do you think they're really... seeing each other?"

Bones pursed his lips and swung on his feet to look at Christine. "That's not much of our business, now is it?" Honestly, he just didn't want to think about the question and what it _really_ implied.

"Hmm." She wasn't the type to become overly jealous and spew anger everywhere. She just became slightly disappointed.

"But," Bones began, pulling the woman out of her thoughts, "I can tell you that whatever _is_ happening, the rest of the ship is bound to realize it before Jim or Spock do."

"We're stuck down here in sickbay. How are we going to ever know?"

"Trust me, dear. We'll know. Now, I've got to drag Jim's ass down here for his physical before he has to go and do his captainly duties. Knowing him, he forgot that it was scheduled for this morning. Heck, he probably forgot he had one at all."

"Okay, I'll hold down the fort," she said with a smile.

Bones nodded and left his office. When he reached Jim's room, he was surprised to see him awake and dressed. He was at his computer with a message from Starfleet open.

"What's that, Jim?" He had walked into the room without much warning but Jim heard the doors swoosh open and wasn't startled.

"Starfleet agreeing that it'd be best for Rick and Gale to stick with us," he replied with a smile. "I was worried they'd think I was too 'incompetent' or something." The look Bones gave him was enough. "Oh, come on. I've been a captain for how many months now? You can at least try to trust in my abilities."

"Hey, I didn't say anything. Though you're probably wondering why I'm even here."

"Yeah, kind of."

"Your physical?"

Jim's eyes widened. "I have one?"

A grunt left Bones' mouth. "Not incompetent, huh?"

Jim left his chair and walked up to the doctor. "Hey, I've had a lot to deal with these past few days."

Bones didn't doubt that, but he still rolled his eyes. "Come on. Let's just get it over with."

Jim scowled but he had no choice but to follow. He was unusually quiet as they made their way back to sickbay. He often continued to complain about the physical and how unnecessary it was until it was all over, but he didn't mention it once.

Bones noticed the silence and had to ask, "What's on your mind?"

Jim lifted his eyes from the floor. "What makes you think something's on my mind?" Bones didn't even have to open his mouth before Jim quickly replied, "Okay, you're right. I'm distracted. I've been thinking about it all night and all morning and now I can't even stay focused."

"And what is it that's been distracting you?"

The Captain licked his lips before he replied, sounding hesitant, "Well, last night with Spock-,"

"Before you continue, I'm going to ask if this is going to make me want to wash my eyes out with hydrogen peroxide."

"No, it's not like that. Besides, I wouldn't be acting like this if I had gotten some sex."

"Good."

"Now do you want me to continue or not?" Jim asked impatiently. They had reached the sickbay and were standing outside of the entrance.

"You want to go to my office?"

"Nah, it's not a long story. It's just... last night, I think Spock finally saw that I can help him, or, no, that's not really the word." He furrowed his eyebrows together as he dug around in his mind to find a better way of phrasing the night he and Spock had last night. "We almost kissed."

Bones' eyes attempted to jump from his head. With a small cough to hide his surprise, he replied, "Almost? You're this caught up in an 'almost-kiss?'"

"Come on, Bones. It's Spock. It took him ages to talk to me, let alone be my _friend_." It still sounded strange to consider Spock his friend, but he was glad anyway. "I thought we'd never go past that."

The CMO nodded. "Well, congrats on wrestling some emotion out of that hobgoblin. Now let's continue with that exam." He grabbed Jim's arm and dragged him into the sickbay.

"What? That's it?"

"I got my answer. Now come on!" Bones grumbled as Jim resisted.

"Do we really have to do this?" Even Jim couldn't deny that his voice jumped an octave too high at the end of his plead.

"Now _that's _theJim I know."

xxxx

The _Enterprise_ reached the Starbase later that day. Jim allowed his crew a few hours to get off the ship and take a small break. Starfleet still hadn't given him any new orders and he figured he had time to kill. Rick, Gale and Marie stuck together since neither of the men would see Marie in a long time, if ever, after they left the base. She still hadn't changed her mind on returning to Earth. She had her fill of space and just wanted to see her friends and family, alive and well.

T'Lat and Sahlen were to remain on the base until another ship arrived that would take them to the Vulcan colony. Jim regretted leaving T'Lat there when he still didn't have a reply from Starfleet, but he didn't have permission to keep her aboard. He promised her that he'd let her know what would become of her future, but she would have to wait until he knew the answer. Once he had said goodbye and led her off of the ship, he recalled that he still had something else to take care of.

He walked on to the bridge, empty except for Spock. The ship was docked at the base and didn't require any personnel to keep it running, but that didn't stop Spock from looming over his station and doing whatever he thought was so important.

"Spock, when do you plan on leaving?" Jim inquired.

"I do not intend to leave. Even when docked, the ship requires constant attention."

"Scotty said he can watch over things here."

"Mr. Scott cannot handle everything by himself."

"I'm sure he can handle things here for a little bit."

"I have no business on the base."

"You can relax."

"I find myself completely content on the ship."

"Won't you join me for even a hour?"

"Again, the base has nothing that interests me."

Jim pursued his lips and decided on plan B. "Don't make me make that an order."

Spock caught the playfulness in his tone and didn't respond with irritation. "It seems as that will be the only way to remove me from the ship."

Jim smirked. "Okay then, Mr. Spock. You are to leave the ship for _at least_ an hour, and that's an order. Any unwillingness to comply will be considered insubordination and we all know how you're against that."

Spock resisted the nagging urge to roll his eyes. "Very well. Then I will visit the base's science departments and offer my assistance."

"_Spock!_ You're not going to do anything related to work. You're going to stick with me and that's that."

Spock couldn't admit that he was actually enjoying the argument, and that he intended to join his Captain regardless, but he figured he had gone on long enough. "Very well. When did you want to leave?"

Jim was still comprehending that Spock_ finally_ complied and didn't reply right away. "Uh, now?"

"Then let us be on our way." Spock began walking away and Jim quickly followed. "However, once an hour has passed, I will return to the ship."

"Unless I order you to stay on the base for an extra hour longer."

Spock glanced at Jim from the side of his eyes. "I may have to disobey your orders if you result to that matter."

Jim chuckled and clapped his hand on Spock's back. "Don't worry. I won't make you choose between me and the ship." The comment came off of his tongue before he could quiet himself. "Well, that is..."

Spock spared him an embarrassing recovery. "You know which one I would choose."

The vague reply left Jim confused but only for a second. He was getting progressively better at understanding Spock.

He had to bite the inside of his cheeks to suppress a large smile.

xxxx

Even Jim had to admit that the base was rather boring. It wasn't equipped for entertainment and was mostly a beacon for passing ships, so it was void of bars and other social gathering places. After fifteen minutes, returning to the ship sounded more exciting.

"Jim, you appear to be indecisive. Do you not know where to go?" Spock asked him after they had wandered around aimlessly.

"That's not really the problem. There just aren't many places to go." He stopped walking and glanced around him. The hallways were long, wide and void of any embellishments. There was a directory on a wall nearby and that was the only thing that showed any color.

"Perhaps we should study the map and locate a room of partial interest." Spock walked up the directory and began reading it.

Jim stood beside him and crossed his arms. "Armories, junk yards, cafeterias, a police department- none of this is exciting!"

"There is a garden in the next hallway." Spock placed a finger on the map.

"A garden?" Jim wasn't a plant enthusiast and it showed in his tone.

"There are still forty-two minutes before I am allowed to return to the ship. The garden is the only location that I desire to visit. Unless you think it best to return to the ship."

Jim shook his head. "No, we'll go to the garden. You're not getting out of this that easily."

Well, Spock tried. "It is this way."

Jim wondered how Spock ended up being the one to drag him everywhere when it was supposed to be the other way around, but he wasn't bothered by it. Bones would call him sickeningly cheesy for thinking so, but he was just glad to be with Spock. The tension from the previous months was melting away every day and he no longer feared offending Spock or destroying the epic friendship that Spock Prime predicted they would have. Jim was particularly thrilled after last night. Even though they hadn't engaged in anything beyond staring at each other, he truly believed that Spock would eventually offer his mind to him again. It just took a matter of time.

They soon arrived at the garden, and both Jim and Spock were speechless. Neither of them were expecting the ceiling to be a complete holographic reproduction of Earth's blue skies that were changing color with the setting sun, nor were they expecting the wide variety of trees, bushes and flowers that were arranged elegantly around the cobblestone pathways. It probably helped the people who had to work on the base year round who became sick and tired of seeing the same silver walls every day.

"It's beautiful in here," Jim eventually said. He reached out and touched an iris, delighted to feel that it was completely real and living. He even spotted a ladybug on it and tried to remember the last time he had seen one of them.

"Indeed. It is almost enough to make me forget that were are still in space." It was perhaps the only poetic thing to have left Spock's mouth, intentional or not.

Jim nodded in agreement and continued to walk down the path. With no one else besides him and Spock in the room, the silence was calming and very enjoyable. He stopped walking and turned to stare at the Vulcan. The garden wasn't the only nice sight. He wasn't sure if it was the scenery, the fact that they were alone together, or both factors contributing, but he mindlessly moved closer to Spock until their shoulders were almost touching. Spock didn't pull away from Jim's presence.

There was still something left unsaid between them from the night before and Jim wanted to address it. He didn't know how he would do that, but he knew he couldn't waste the opportunity. Jim opened his mouth a few times as though he were going to begin speaking yet ended up saying nothing. He attempted again to speak when his communicator thought it funny to ruin the moment. Jim ignored the communicator for a few seconds, causing Spock to look at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Should you not see who is attempting to contact you?"

Jim sighed. "I guess so." He just wanted one damn hour where he didn't have to be a captain, but he knew that that was impossible. Being a captain was a life style, and it was one that he saw himself doing for many years. He might as well get used to being responsible for everything twenty-four seven. He pulled out his communicator and spoke, "Kirk here."

"_Captain?_" It was Nyota. Jim thought she had left the ship already. "_I'm really sorry to cut the lunch break so soon but we have to leave as soon as possible_."

Jim and Spock exchanged glances before practically running out of the garden. "What's the matter?"

"_We have an identity for the ship that headed for the Vulcan colony. It's Romulan."_

"Lieutenant, contact everyone and get them back on the ship. We're on our way now."

"_We?_" Nyota asked.

"I am present, Nyota," Spock informed her.

"Now carry out those orders," Jim interrupted before Nyota could say anything else.

"_Aye, sir."_

Jim and Spock were still on their way back to the ship when Jim made a turn that led them in the wrong direction.

"Where are you going?" Spock asked.

"If we're on our way to the Vulcan colony, then I'm bringing T'Lat and Sahlen along."

"You are not authorized to-"

"I can't let them sit around and twiddle their thumbs while their home is in danger. They're coming along."

Spock didn't continue the argument and accepted Jim's decision. Besides, the faster they got the two Vulcans, the faster they could return to the ship and deal with the oncoming crisis.


	16. Chapter 16

_I've finally gotten to the point where I can write 4,000 word chapters. No longer will I torture you guys with the 2,000 word nonsense. And maybe the 2 weeks wait for updates will be worth it! Although I really do wish I could give you new chapters sooner, that's kind of impossible now that college has started. At least I still update, yeah?_

_Well, I really don't have much to say for this chapter. It's mostly pushing the plot forward, and I apologize for the lack of slash. I'll have to replay your patience with copious amounts of slash later, but for now, it's kind of non-existent._

_I want to thank everyone again for the reviews. You make this story worth writing. Also, reviews make me write faster (hinthintnudgenudge) so keep the coming :)_

xxxx

_Chapter Sixteen_

xxxx

Instead of heading straight for the captain's chair, Jim made his way to wear Nyota sat, her eyes wide and worried. When he was confident that no one else but her, and possibly Spock, would hear him, he spoke quietly, "What had to go and ruin my perfect date with Spock?"

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes and instead replied with a professional tone. "There haven't been any attacks or distress calls, but a Romulan vessel is currently orbiting around the Vulcan colony."

"And we're sure it's Romulan?" Jim questioned. Spock's attention was grabbed from the moment Nyota said 'Romulan.'

"One hundred percent positive."

Jim furrowed his eyebrows and looked away. He weighed his options, and considering he didn't have too many, he quickly came to a decision. "Well, Starfleet hasn't given us any new orders," he began, but before he could finish, Hikaru spoke.

"We're all ready to head to the colony, sir," he said as he attempted to hide the knowing smile on his face.

Jim acknowledged the information with a smile and nod of his head. "Spock, could you please inform T'Lat and Sahlen that their home is in no danger? In the meanwhile, I want all stations preparing for battle. Fifteen minutes, then we're on our way to New Vulcan."

"Captain, have you not considered the motives of the Romulans? They are refraining from any attack- perhaps they are awaiting our arrival and have prepared a trap." Spock never failed to point out the obvious.

"That's why we're getting ready for battle. If it's a fight they want, then that's what they're getting."

Spock was glad that Jim disagreed with him. In all honesty, he wanted to see what the Romulans were up to just as much as Jim, possibly even more. He left the bridge to inform his brethren of the somewhat good news, leaving Jim to contact Scotty and the other heads of departments to inform them of the situation. Bones didn't fail to show up on the bridge with one eyebrow raised drastically higher than the other.

"Now what kind of mess have you gotten us into this time?" he asked.

"No mess. Not yet, anyway," Jim simply replied. He was back in his seat and had it turned to face Bones.

"Jim, you can't go risking lives just because you're bored."

It was then that Jim finally adopted his label as Captain. He dropped any joking tone and replied, with his fists clenched a little too tightly, "I'm fully aware that this isn't some game. I have to do this, otherwise we may lose even _more _lives. Starfleet has already shown that the Vulcans aren't one of their priorities, so it's up to me, the only one who cares enough to do anything, to protect them from anymore harm. Now this ship is going to meet up with those Romulans, no questions asked."

Bones shifted a little under Jim's stare and slowly nodded his head. "Fine, you win. I'll make sure my team is ready for any casualties."

Nyota didn't usually interrupt but she couldn't help but overhear. It was her job, after all. "Now, Doctor, we haven't received any reports that prove these Romulans to be hostile. It's very possible that we'll get out of this without a single casualty."

"Wouldn't that be nice," Bones mumbled and without another word or glance toward his captain or Nyota, he left the bridge. He boarded the lift just as Spock was leaving.

Spock returned to his station as Jim spoke. "Five more minutes and then we're off." He glanced over at Spock and asked, a lot more quietly, "You okay?" He didn't know what had compelled him to ask, but he figured that any ball of nerves within his stomach was magnified in Spock. Most of his concern was for Spock, but for Spock, his concern involved the remainder of his squandering race.

"There is no reason to worry about me." The reply wasn't rude or angry. Just matter-of-fact.

Jim nodded and focused on the screen ahead of him. Despite what Nyota said about there being no distress signals or anything of the like, he still couldn't predict what was ahead of them. He just had to hope and pray.

xxxx

A few hours after Tavel left him to decide, Spock Prime was still unsure and as distressed as ever. He was really starting to feel his years. The crack of dawn brought absolutely no clarity, yet his time was up. Commander Tavel was expecting an answer, and an 'I don't know' was not going to please her. He left his small living quarters and headed toward the designated meeting area. He took his time walking there, hoping that the few extra minutes would help him make up his mind, but he knew it was hopeless. It wasn't an easy decision, after all. Either choice could result in an indefinable amount of deaths. Question was: which would result in the least amount of innocent lives lost?

The Romulans of the near future used Red Matter to destroy astral bodies. Would the Romulans of this time, or this universe, for that matter, be any different? Every time he thought he had found his answer, that same question arose again.

It was just too difficult.

Tavel greeted him as he entered the room. It felt small and restricting, even in the approaching daylight. He wearily sat down in a seat, his limbs creaking and crying due to the lack of rest they had obtained the night before.

The Romulan grinned and took her seat across from Spock. She seemed confident and unafraid that Spock would refuse her offer. The small smirk gave it away. "I assume you've had long enough to come up with an answer, Ambassador Selek?" Spock didn't reply. He cast his old eyes down toward the ground and held his lips firmly. "I would have given you more time, but time is something we don't have. Each day, the forces against your Federation become stronger."

"I am aware of this. However, your words do not make my task any easier."

"Of course. You're not in an easy position." Tavel remained quiet after that, allowing him just a little bit more time to finally give in to her. A minute, five minutes, possibly even twenty had passed, but Spock still remained with his fingers crossed in front of him and his eyes staring into the floor. The light in the room continued to increase yet it only made the tension in the Vulcan's chest grow tighter. He had to make a decision, and he had to make one soon.

Tavel crossed one leg over the other and placed her hands on her knee. "You have already made your decision. I can see it in your eyes." Spock looked up at her. He knew she could very well see it in his eyes. "Although you will not believe me, I will tell you this now- I do not desire the secrets of the red matter so that I can harm you or your people. We could have already accomplished that if we had wanted to."

"I have concern for more than just the Vulcans. I fear what you may do to the other beings in this universe."

"Your fear is understandable."

Spock sighed and let his hands fall back down to his lap. He didn't want to continue this for any longer. He knew that he had lost and that he was fighting a battle that could no longer be fought. When he replied, he didn't look at Tavel. He feared that he would be able to see his treacherous self in her gleaming eyes. His deep, weak voice finally spoke with finality. It was quiet, but decisive nonetheless.

"I will tell you what I know of Red Matter."

"I'm glad to finally hear you say that."

"I cannot say the same for myself."

The Commander stood up and adjusted her garments. "You cannot give me the information here. We must return to my ship."

Confusion flashed in Spock's eyes. "You did not mention this previously."

"No, but in order for me to carry out my side of the deal, you must listen to everything I say. Otherwise, I will leave this doomed planet behind."

Suddenly, Spock felt that he never should have agreed. But it was too late to turn back. He was his people's last hope and he had no choice but to listen to the smart and deceitful woman in front of him. Tiredly, he obliged. "Very well."

Tavel smiled again and led the way back to her shuttle, the Ambassador slowly following behind. She almost walked too fast out of excitement. She was thrilled to see just what it was this Red Matter could accomplish.

xxxx

"Dropping out of warp and switching to auxiliary power," Hikaru informed, his voice being the only sound in the bridge. Jim's posture stiffened as he prepared himself for anything that was coming up.

Space outside returned to normal as the ship dropped out of warp. Thankfully for everyone on board, they weren't welcomed by the a Romulan fleet with all weapons aimed at them. A desert planet that was home to the Vulcan colony was the only image on the viewscreen.

"There is a ship in the vicinity," Spock reported.

"Romulan?" Jim asked.

"It would appear so. It is stationed directly above the colony."

"Uhura, try contacting them."

"Aye, sir," Nyota replied. She went back to work at her station. After a few seconds, she sighed and shook her head. "No use. They won't respond."

Jim matched her sigh. "Why am I not surprised. Keep trying to contact them. In the meanwhile, we'll just have to go to them. Sulu, Chekov, take us around the planet. Mr. Spock, report if the Romulan ship changes its position." Jim wasn't letting his guard down just yet.

"Aye, sir," the navigator and pilot both said.

"Yes, Captain," Spock threw in after them.

The _Enterprise_ quickly snaked around the planet until a ship came into view. It was significantly smaller than the _Enterprise_ and appeared as though it could deal no damage at all. But it belonged to the Romulans, and Jim knew better. They were getting closer and closer, but still the Romulans refused to accept the incoming transmission and continued to hold their place.

"Sir, they still haven't replied," Nyota told him.

Sounding a bit too sure of himself, Jim ordered, "Then send them this message: They have one minute to tell me what they're doing or I'm going to blow their little ship out of the sky." Nyota's only response was a raised eyebrow and a look that clearly expressed what she thought of his decision. "I won't actually go through with it.," he quickly assured her and the rest of the bridge. "I just want an answer from them and I want it soon."

"Okay, I'll compose the message now," she replied after her faith had been restored in Jim's ability to captain. She sent the message, leaving only one thing left to do, and that was to wait. The bridge was already quiet from before, but that was due to everyone concentrating. Now everyone was quiet with anticipation.

The minute hadn't even gone by when Nyota spoke. "Incoming transmission."

"Finally. Bring it up on the viewscreen."

A tall man appeared on the screen. His slanted eyebrows were lowered over his eyes, expressing his displeasure with the interruption. Jim didn't give him a chance to talk. "I am Captain Kirk of the USS _Enterprise. _Who are you?"

The Romulan clearly had other things he wanted to say but he went along with the greetings. "I am Officer Neevin, and I am currently in charge of this vessel."

"Okay, Neevin. Now that we're past the introductions, I demand to know why you're here." That time Jim used his tone to let Neevin know that he wasn't going to take any crap from him.

"My Commander is here on a mission of peace. We are not your enemies and I except to be treated with more respect." The Romulan, despite being angry, didn't snap at Jim. He was a lot more civilized than the Klingons.

"Well, excuse me for being a little bit suspicious. I never imagined the Romulans wanting to help the Vulcans."

"Our purpose for being here is not of your concern, Kirk."

"Tell me. Where is your Commander? I'd like to have a word with him."

"She is on the planet, currently speaking with the Ambassador."

Jim refrained himself from jumping up from his seat. There weren't many Vulcan Ambassadors, and the chances were high that the Commander was speaking with the only one he knew. "May I have a minute to speak with my crew, Neevin? I hope you don't get too offended if I mute the transmission."

"I do not care what you do. But I will still keep my eye on you. Do not attempt anything you'll regret."

"I'd never think of it." Jim turned around and told Nyota. "Go ahead and mute it."

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Now, go ahead and call in a replacement for Spock." Spock faced him upon hearing his name with a questionable glance. Jim immediately answered his unsaid question. "You're going to beam down to the colony and locate the Romulan Commander as soon as possible. Do anything to stop her from going back to her ship. Knock her out if you can."

"Yes, Captain." Spock got up to leave and as he walked by Jim, he heard his captain quietly say.

"Be careful. I'd go with you if I could."

He quickly nodded his head and began his descent to the transporter room.

"I don't think Neewim liked that too much," Pavel said. And he was indeed correct. Neevim's narrowed eyes watched Spock's form retreat, but he was unable to say anything.

"As long as he doesn't know what we're up to, he can think whatever he wants. Now let's see how much longer we can keep this conversation going until we have to resort to battle. Lieutenant, go ahead and continue the transmission normally."

When Neevim could hear him again, Jim spoke. "So, Neevim, do you mind telling me what your Commander is up to?"

The Romulan ignored the question and asked, "Where did your Vulcan go?"

"I"ll tell you once you answer my question first." Jim was having a hard time taking the guy seriously. His attempt to act inconspicuous had failed and his Commander was going to be caught before he knew it.

"You will answer me right this minute. I do not have time for your games." He paused when he noticed another officer walk into the bridge and take Spock's place. Finally it clicked for him. "Ready weapons," he told his men and then cut off the transmission.

Jim contacted the transporter room as soon as the transmission ended.

"_Avary here, Captain._"

"Has Spock already beamed down?" he asked, trying not too sound too frantic. He couldn't put the shields up until Spock was off the ship.

"_He just arrived. I'm putting in the coordinates now and... he's been successfully transported._"

Now Jim was ready for the action. He turned his attention to the rest of his crew on the bridge and began to give his orders, "Divert all energy to shields. Do evasive maneuver for now and avoid getting hit. As soon as we're out their direct line of fire, I want proton torpedoes shot at their hull."

The crew acknowledged his orders and went to work.

While the _Enteprise_ was busy playing tag, Spock was busy trying to locate any Romulan life signs on the planet. His tricorder wasn't equipped to distinguish the difference between Vulcan and Romulan blood, so he ended up having to scan the area with his bare eyes, hoping that the Commander would be in plain site.

Although she wasn't anywhere to be seen, he spotted a shuttlecraft that he _knew_ did not belong to any Federation ships. He ran in the direction of the craft, moving his legs as fast as he could. If the Commander was already in the craft, he had little hope of reaching her.

However, he soon learned that he was just on time when he saw two figures walking from a distance. The Commander and his elder self. He moved quickly to hide himself from their view behind a nearby building. He glanced around the corner and plotted the best way to get to the craft without being spotted. If he could just reach it before them, he would have the advantage in surprising and overcoming the Commander. She wouldn't expect to be attacked in her own shuttlecraft.

After he was certain that he could reach it without being seen, he made his run for the craft. He stayed close to the ground and near the buildings. Once the shuttlecraft was directly in between him and the Commander, he emerged from the buildings and ran up to it and attempted to find a way to open the door. Luckily for him, the door slid horizontally and he was able to crawl in without being noticed. He quickly closed it behind him and shuffled around in the dim light to find an appropriate hiding place.

Once he had accomplished that, all he had to do was sit and wait.

He heard the two voices from outside the craft right before the door he had just closed five seconds ago reopened to admit the Commander and Ambassador Selek. Spock shrank deeper in the shadows and had his phaser ready in his hand. He would have questioned why his elder self was with her but he was too focused on the task before him. Once both of the newcomers were fully in the craft, Spock emerged from his hiding spot and was behind Commander Tavel within a second, his weapon held to her back. Tavel froze and slowly turned her head around. Spock Prime saw him before Tavel but did not utter anything. He was as surprised as Tavel to see the young officer.

"You will refrain from returning to your ship," the younger Spock ordered.

Tavel's playfulness was lost as she cautiously turned around to get a better look at her attacker. Spock still had his phaser held to her torso as she spoke, "Who sent you here?"

"The Captain of the USS _Enterprise_."

Spock Prime looked between the two with worried eyes. Both of the beings in front of him were fully capable of killing the other, and if they had happened into a battle, he would be unable to do anything. Despite his worry, he was also relieved. He saw the current situation as an opportunity to change his mind and deny Tavel the information she so badly wanted.

"And what is your name?" The Commander continued to question.

"Spock, son of Sarek. First Officer of the _Enterprise_."

The elder Spock could not help but notice how different the meeting between his younger self and the Tavel of this universe was from how he met Tavel in his own universe. It was all surreal.

Tavel stared directly into the Starfleet officer's eyes, refusing to feel threatened or show any weakness. "You do realize, Spock, that by keeping me here on this planet, you are depriving your people of a future?"

"By keeping you here, I am ensuring that you do not cause any harm."

Tavel's smirk finally returned to her face. "Quite the opposite, actually. I was willing to become an ally, but the longer you hold that primitive weapon to my chest, the less willing I am to go through with it."

Spock didn't reply, He pushed the phaser further into Tavel's defenseless body.

"Neither of you hand out trust so easily. However, the Ambassador here can tell you that I am no liar."

Spock looked to his elder self for an answer. "Is this true?"

The Ambassador was conflicted. In all honesty, he still wasn't one hundred percent positive that Tavel was going to go through with her part of the deal, but a part of him was hopeful and decided to trust her. However, if he ended up being wrong, he would once again blame himself for the loss of life that was sure to come because of it. He gave his truthful opinion. "I am not sure myself."

Tavel glared. "We had a deal, Ambassador. I am not a liar. I am still willing to help you."

The young Spock was becoming increasingly confused. He was also becoming impatient. His orders were to incapacitate the Commander as soon as her found her, but his curiosity was getting the best of him. He wanted to hear what she had to say first, _then_ he would take her out.

"Perhaps I am still indecisive," Spock Prime told her.

"You're still unsure? How hard can it be to choose between letting your people die or giving them a chance to survive? Ambassador, as we speak, your Federation is becoming more and more defenseless against the forces gathering to take it down. If you refuse my help, you will not find another ally nearly as powerful."

Spock was tired of observing the conversation and interrupted. "What is your price? What is so important that you would become an ally of your enemy just to obtain it?"

"You would love to know, wouldn't you, Spock?" She glanced down at the phaser still held firmly against her before speaking again. "The matter is between me and the Ambassador only."

Spock wanted to keep pushing, but he knew he wasn't going to learn anymore. He was ready to pull the trigger on his phaser when his communicator went off. He grabbed it with his free hand.

"Spock here."

"_The Romulan ship is about ready to surrender. Have you got their Commander yet?" _Jim asked.

Tavel's eyes widened and she immediately made a grab for Spock's phaser. Spock was helpless as she ripped it from his hands and held it firmly in both of her hands, aiming it directly at his heart.

"Your Captain has made a stupid mistake by attacking my ship," she spat angrily.

"_Spock? You there?"_

Tavel released one hand from the phaser and grabbed Spock's communicator. "Your Vulcan is here with me. Don't bother coming down here to save him." She then flipped the device closed and handed it back to Spock. "Sit over there. Ambassador, you can sit right there. " Both Vulcans did as they were told and took their places in the craft. The younger Spock was positioned directly beside the driver's seat, allowing Tavel to keep the phaser raised at his side.

She sat down and prepared the shuttle for lift off. Her crew was not about to give up when she was this close. She would not allow it.

"Unless you want a hole right through you, you will sit right there and behave," she told Spock. "And Ambassador, I don't expect that you're capable of much with your age, but you will also remain in your seat or this young one here will die."

Neither Spock made an attempt to move the whole ride back to the Romulan ship.

The Ambassador regretted ever trusting the woman in the first place and his younger self regretted not obeying orders right away. They both had put themselves in the situation they were in now.


	17. Chapter 17

_First off, I have exciting news- THIS CHAPTER IS 5104 WORDS, BABY. _

_Now, onward to what I meant to say... Every time I try to find the right words to convey my gratitude toward you all, I fail. You're all so amazing, and I want to thank you again for the reviews you've left! The support from everyone just makes my heart swell with cheesy warmth. Maybe I can repay you all by actually updating__ quickly (let's all pray I can do this). It's the least I can do._

_And I know how it's weird that this story started out with practically no action or plot and now it's suddenly full of Romulans and crap like that, but it formed a mind of its own and has decided to take a totally different path that what I originally intended . But I like this path better and I really hope you are all enjoying it too._

_But I bet you all just want to get on with the new chapter so I'll shut up now :)_

_P.S. I can't write dramatic action scenes very well, so you'll have to forgive my lameness. _

xxxx

_Chapter Seventeen_

xxxx

Jim had completely forgotten that they were engaged in a battle as soon as he heard that Spock was in trouble. Trouble was an understatement, though. Spock was in the hands of the _Romulans,_of all goddamn things. It was the last thing he'd expected to happen.

Everyone on the bridge had heard Tavel's little message and they shared the apprehensive feeling with their captain. However, no one's worry reached the level of Jim's.

Officer Neevim had ceased firing as soon as he received news from his Commander that she had the Ambassador, as well as a surprise guest. Jim still continued the battle. If he had the Commander at a disadvantage, she'd have no chance but to release her captives. At least, that was how any normal enemy would function. The Romulans proved to be a different story.

Despite the small Romulan craft being able to avoid most of the attacks aimed at it, the _Enterprise_ still landed hits on it. "Continue firing," Jim ordered. "They'll have to put down their shields eventually to let their Commander back on board."

What the crew of the _Enterprise_ didn't know was that a shuttlecraft was quickly approaching the enemy ship and that the Romulans were capable of beaming the inhabitants aboard without completely dropping their shields. Neevim made no effort to contact the ship since he had last cut off communications to commence his attack. He had no reason to until his Commander was on board. Then he could rub his victory in Captain Kirk's face.

Lieutenant Shahid, the replacement for Spock, spoke up. "Captain, a small space vehicle is approaching the Romulan ship. It appears to be a shuttlecraft."

Jim questioned no further. "Stop firing and get a tractor beam on it. Pull it in before they have the chance to."

The captain waited patiently with the rest of his crew as the tractor beam continued to pull the small craft in. It was barely fifteen meters away from the ship when Nyota interrupted, "Sir, we're receiving a transmission from the Romulan vessel."

"Let it through."

"Hello, Captain. Glad we could finally meet."

Jim stopped his jaw from dropping, for there was the Commander, and restrained behind her by some guards were his Spock and the elder Spock. He shot a confused look toward Shahid, who replied with a shrug that said, 'I'm telling you, they never dropped their shields.'

Tavel chuckled lightly. "You're not used to being shorthanded in these types of situations, are you?"

Gulping, Jim regained his composure and lifted himself from his chair. "I'd list off the consequences for kidnapping and holding Federation civilians hostage, but you probably don't care about that now."

"As I've told these two here, I don't intend to do any harm. And I'll say this again- I am offering my help, and if you are fully aware of the situation forming around you, then you will accept that help without asking questions." She was just as hard to read as a Vulcan, and Jim couldn't tell if she was telling the truth or not. But he decided to question more before making any hasty decisions.

"If that's the case, then why do you have my first officer and a Vulcan ambassador hostage?"

"Your first officer attacked me. I had no choice but to restrain him. And as for the Ambassador, he's here as part of a deal between he and I." She raised a finger when Jim opened his mouth to speak, silencing him. "I will not tell you what that deal is. However, if you promise to let my ship go without doing further damage, then I'll release Spock."

Spock was tired of keeping quiet. With a guard still holding his arms locked, he said harshly, "Do not believe her."

Tavel turned quickly to face the rebel behind her. "I am not lying. And I can prove it." She switched her gaze to the guard holding the young officer. "Go ahead and release him."

Spock was nearly pushed out of the guard's grip. He focused his attention on the Romulan before him with clenched fists and a dark look in his eyes.

"Well, what do you wait for? Go ahead. Return to your ship." She returned her attention to the viewscreen, expecting Spock to leave, but he remained in his spot.

He glanced at his elder self before speaking. "I will not return until you inform me of your use for Ambassador Selek. He is important to the rebuilding of Vulcan and should not be removed from the planet."

Jim watched the exchange anxiously. He was also curious to know why this Romlan wanted Spock Prime but he wanted his first officer back on board more than anything. He wouldn't be able to breathe normally until he knew that he was safe and close enough to touch.

Tavel crossed her arms and turned once again to gaze into Spock's dark eyes. "I will not tell you. Right now you are delaying my departure and I cannot afford to waste anymore time. Unless you leave my ship soon, I will have no choice but to take you as a hostage."

Jim replied instead of Spock. "Spock, just listen to her and return to the ship." Spock looked up at the viewscreen, meeting his captain's eyes and seeing the look Jim got when he was about to say 'and don't have me make that an order.' He straightened his posture and placed his hands behind his back.

"Very well. I will return to the _Enterprise_." Without another word, he left the bridge, glancing at his older self as he did so.

Honestly, Jim couldn't believe that Spock complied that easily, especially with the tone of voice he used when he demanded that Tavel tell him her plans. He wanted to run down to the transporter room and wait until Spock was safely on the ship, but he was required in the bridge. He sure hated not having choices.

"As soon as he successfully transports off my ship, I am leaving and you are not to follow me. The Ambassador will be safe so you do not have to worry. However, if you do not listen and follow me anyway, then you will regret it."

Jim nodded, not wanting to further aggravate the situation between them. "Fine, it's a deal. Just make sure he gets here safely, 'cause if you do anything to him, _you'll _be the one regretting it."

Tavel just smiled at him. "Will you ever learn to trust my word? I'll keep the transmission open until you inform me that he is safely on your ship. Also, you'll be able to see for yourself my every move, and you'll soon learn that you have no reason to mistrust me." She had been standing up earlier and now took a seat, crossing her legs and continuing to watch the young captain with amusement in her eyes.

Having nothing else to say, Jim finally locked eyes with the remaining Spock. He studied the old and tired face and feared for him. "Sp-," he began, catching himself just as he almost revealed Selek's true identity. He quickly corrected himself when he opened his mouth again, "Ambassador, are you okay?"

"I have been better," the old Vulcan admitted. "Tavel has not harmed me in any way, nor do I have any reason to believe she will."

Jim would have been satisfied to hear that, but guilt began creeping up from his stomach. He wasn't really going to leave him with the Romulans, was he? They didn't give him much of a choice. Everything else was too risky, and although Jim wasn't afraid of taking risks, this situation was different. Two people who were very important to him were the ones at risk, and he didn't want to lose either of them.

Despite the facts, Jim was still planning a way to get the Ambassador out of that ship and back where he belonged. He still didn't know why Tavel wanted him, or what the agreement was, or what she meant when she said ' if you are fully aware of the situation forming around you, then you will accept that help without asking questions,' and being unable to understand the situation was leaving him frustrated.

Whether an actual five minutes had passed or it just felt like that long to Jim, he decided that Spock should have been off the Romulan ship and back on the _Enterprise_ a while ago. "He still hasn't beamed aboard," he pointed out to the Commander.

She narrowed her eyes and nodded. "Indeed. I'll contact the trans-"

She couldn't finish her sentence as the power flickered on her bridge a few times before plummeting the enclosed space into complete darkness. The back up lights kicked in, but their weak light hardly lit up the room. The dim lighting made Tavel's facial features appear far more angry than she really was. She jumped from her chair and practically shouted at the top of her lungs, "Find him now!" Before completely cutting off the connection, she said to Jim, "He'll be lucky if he ever sees you again."

Jim began leaving the bridge as soon as the viewscreen was no longer up. "Dammit, Spock. I knew you wouldn't listen," he mumbled angrily under his breath. "Sulu, you have the conn."

Nyota stopped his tracks when she asked, "Captain, where are you going?" hoping to hear a certain answer.

Without even facing her he replied, "To bring Spock's stubborn ass back." He entered the lift, and as soon as he was out of it, he sprinted down the hall to the transporter room. He wasn't expecting to see Scotty there, but was glad anyway.

"You want me to beam you aboard the Romulan ship, aye?" he asked, though his voice revealed that he already knew the answer. He motioned for Jim to stand on the transporter pad. "I can only get you in their transporter room, but it's better than nothin'."

"Thanks, Scotty."

The Engineer didn't see his grateful smile as Jim's molecules were already beginning to dissipate. He had his phaser out and his legs ready to move him away from any oncoming attacks. However, when he reappeared on the Romulan vessel, the only being in the room was a guard who was spread out unconsciously on the floor, his phaser missing from his belt.

He surveyed the hallway outside the transporter room, trying to spot any other unconscious Romulans that might give him a clue to Spock's location. It was hard to see anything when the lights were just as dim here as they were on the bridge, but he managed to spot another heap of guards on the floor and quickly made his way to their location. He kept up his little game of 'spot the knocked out Romulans' until he arrived at what appeared to be the main engine room. He heard someone inside and approached cautiously, moving his feet as quietly as he could manage. He was mere seconds from craning his head around the corner of the door when a large figure appeared before him. He nearly fired at the figure but he spared the shot when it spoke to him.

"Jim?"

"Spock!" He immediately lowered his phaser and was so relieved to see his first officer alive and well, that he almost forgot the anger that had swelled up in him minutes before. However, it came back quickly when he remembered just exactly what it was that Spock had done. He grabbed the Vulcan's arm and dragged him back into the engine room, feeling vulnerable out in the hallway. When he ensured there was no one else in the room capable of harming them, he let his emotions go. "What the _hell_ were you thinking? You do realize that you just angered a ship full of Romulans, while you're _still_ on the ship? Are you asking to get your head blasted right off your fucking shoulders? Why can't you just follow my orders like a normal first officer and save the hero stunts for later?"

Spock averted his gaze and it was clear to see the shame and embarrassment in his eyes. It wasn't every day he got a reprimanding like that. "I apologize..."

"No, Spock. Apologizing won't help this time. God knows what Starfleet is going to do to us, let alone the Romulans! If you had just come back like I told you too, we wouldn't be in this mess. For all we know, an army of Romulans is charging down that hall with their entire arsenal." Jim clenched his teeth and was going to shout some more until Spock interrupted him.

"I cannot leave my other self in the hands of these enemies," he stated firmly. At that point, he was willing to accept the risks and punishment that were coming up.

The genuine worry mixed with the strong look of determination in Spock's eyes diminished the flame of Jim's fury. He couldn't deny that he too wanted to rescue the other Vulcan. He knew his guilt would hit him hard later if he just left him here on this ship, alone and in danger.

Jim sighed. "I know, Spock. But just look at the situation we're in- we can't save him with just the two of us. There's a pissed Commander up on that bridge who's willing to do anything to keep him here, and if that means killing us, then she'll do it."

Spock opened his mouth to reply but he closed it in an instant. He motioned for Jim to back away toward the wall as he approached the door to the room and prepared to fire the stolen Romulan phaser in his hands.

His captain wasn't going to stand back and let him do all the fighting. He pulled out his own phaser and silently ran to the other side of the door, pressing his back against the cold surface as he awaited the new arrivals. It took him a while but he finally heard the swift footsteps approaching. The closer they approached, the more tightly he gripped his phaser. These guys may not have been as strong or well-equipped as Nero's men, but that didn't make them any less of a threat.

Spock's reflexes surpassed Jim's, and he was out the door and shooting at the guards before Jim even realized what was going on. He didn't delay for long and joined in the battle, leaving behind the safety of the engine room and joining Spock outside. Immediately a few shots were aimed at him but he dodged the searing heat and positioned himself behind Spock. With that accomplished, he was able to focus on the men before him.

There were easily five or six of them attacking him and Spock, with more approaching in the distance. The ship was still dim, making it harder for Jim to see just how many guys had been sent after them. He fired a few shots at some approaching figures, relieved to see them fall to the floor, but he didn't have any time to rest. A few phaser shots skimmed past his limbs, burning the skin on contact. He forced the pain to the back of his head and returned the fire.

He continued firing until he felt Spock's presence disappear behind him and he turned around to see the Vulcan running down the hallway, with more bodies than ever scattered on the ground. Jim fired at the rest of the men on the other side of the hallway and dashed after his First. "Spock! Where are you going?"

"To the bridge." He made a sharp turn around a corner without a decrease in his speed, stunning another Romulan crew member before the woman even had a chance to raise her phaser. A few more strides down the short corridor and the lights on the ship began to regain their original brightness. Jim stopped abruptly, realizing that that only meant one thing.

"Shit, we have to get off this ship."

Spock didn't argue. With the ship's main power back on line, they wouldn't be able to transport off of it when it reached warp speed.

Jim pulled out his communicator. "Scotty, I need you to beam me and Spock up immediately. He's standing right by me."

"Aye, Captain. I'll get you two right away."

Jim glanced at Spock and saw the disappointment in his dark eyes. He also saw his clenched fists. And the way Spock was standing, as though he were prepared to bolt off any second...

Jim didn't require any more seconds to think. He immediately tackled Spock, nearly pinning him to the ground.

They were already starting to disappear as Spock continued to struggle against his captain. He had succeeded in getting the human off of him, but it was too late. They were back on the familiar transporter pad with Scotty and Bones hovering a few feet away.

Spock didn't even look either one of them in the eyes as he stood up and walked briskly out of the room. Jim, who was still sitting on the pad, his back in pain after being shoved off of Spock, sadly watched him leave. Scotty went to help him up with Bones trailing behind, his medical tricoder out and ready to work.

The doctor scanned the device over Jim and scowled. "You're both so damn reckless. Could've gotten yourselves killed!" He lifted Jim's shirt and noticed the phaser burns covering his body. "I'm taking you to the sickbay. Right now."

Jim barely heard his friend's words. He was still thinking about how angry Spock was at him, and how angry he must have been at himself. But he didn't have any other choice. He had to make Spock understand that.

"I can go later, Bones."

"No, you're coming with me now. You may be pumped with too much adrenaline to realize it, but you've got wounds all over your body that are losing too much blood."

Jim would have argued further, but now that Bones mentioned it, he was starting to notice the immense amount of pain radiating from his wounds. He was also starting to feel just a little bit faint...

xxxx

Spock hadn't returned to the bridge. He sat in his room, dressed in his meditation robes, attempting to recover from the past hour's events. Despite the fact that he had been going at it for an hour, he was still as distressed as ever.

All that had happened was his fault. No matter how he looked at the situation, he couldn't allow himself the luxury of denying it.

It was a simple order from his captain. He just had to beam down to the Vulcan colony, find the Romulan Commander, and stop her from getting back to her ship. He had her at his mercy. He could have incapacitated her right then and there.

But he didn't. He let his curiosity get the best of him and the Commander took his delay as a perfect chance to switch their roles. Simply put, he failed. The Romulan ship was long gone.

And now the Ambassador was on that ship full of hostile aliens with no hope of escaping, and his captain, his _friend_, was in sickbay with bloody wounds that were having problems closing up. It was his fault that any of that occurred.

He repressed a sigh, his chest feeling heavy and in pain. He stood up from the ground and changed back into his Starfleet uniform. Meditation was out of the question.

He had yet to visit the sickbay, learning of Jim's status only from the announcement that he was temporarily in command. As much as he wanted to visit him, he didn't think he'd be able to face Jim. He'd failed him in more ways than one. And although he was infuriated at first that Jim held him back, he soon realized that Jim was only doing his job. Spock had failed his job.

The bell to his quarters rang not too long after he had dressed himself. He couldn't predict at all who was standing on the other side of his door. His best and only guess was Nyota.

He couldn't help his eyebrows from rising dramatically as he laid eyes on the person before him. "Doctor."

"Uh, hey Spock. I know this probably feels weird for you, and I sure as hell never saw myself willingly coming to your room, but I figured it'd be better if I talked to you face to face."

Bones had mastered the art of being vague, for Spock still had no idea why the CMO wanted to speak with him. He hesitated for a moment but then he moved to allow the man in. "What is it that you require from me?"

"I noticed that you haven't been down to the sickbay yet," he began.

"I did not receive any serious wounds. There was no reason for-,"

"Not for you, idiot. I meant for Jim. You haven't been to see him yet."

Spock felt momentarily offended for being called an idiot but he decided to ignore it. "You are correct. However, I have been informed that Jim's condition is satisfactory, and it would not benefit his recovery if I were to visit him."

Bones' scowl was almost threatening. "Stop being so stubborn. Ever since I stabilized his condition he's been asking for you. He's not going to get some rest until he talks to you, and I'm not letting him leave the sickbay just so he can exhaust himself trying to find you."

Spock couldn't face Jim. He couldn't.

"Spock," Bones began softly, realizing that his demanding behavior didn't help the situation, "I don't know what happened or why you're avoiding him, but please, just go visit him once. You know Jim by now- he can't focus if he and you are having a quarrel, or whatever it is you two have." He felt sort of awkward being the mediator.

It took a few moments of silence, but Spock finally spoke up, "Very well. I will go to the sickbay." He walked passed Bones to leave his quarters.

"Thanks, Spock," Bones said before the door had slid shut. He placed his hand on his forehead and released a long sigh. "I swear, those two are so hopeless sometimes."

xxxx

Jim was staring at a bandage on his arm. Seeing how he had nothing better to do, he decided to count just how many times he had got hit with those phasers. He didn't remember being shot seven- wait, make that eight times. Christine was bringing him a cup of water when she told him, "You know, sometimes I'm convinced that you're Superman. Or just very, very lucky."

Jim grinned at her and took the cup from her hand. "I'd like to think that I'm just talented."

Christine rolled her eyes as she returned the smile. "Talented, and a bit too ambitious." She turned to leave but Jim spoke up again.

"Hey, is there any way to release me from the sickbay today?"

"You heard the doctor. Thirty-two hours and no less. We need get all the blood back up to your big head. Now drink your water, mister."

Jim wondered if all of the nurses were bossy like Bones. Then he realized that you probably had to be bossy to get the job, anyway. "Yes, ma'am." He took a gulp and had just set the glass down when he saw Spock standing at the other side of the room. "Spock."

The Vulcan made his way to the side of Jim's bed and stood with his hands behind his back. Jim noticed the unnaturally stiff posture and felt his stomach plummet. He assumed Spock was still unbelievably angry with him after he stopped him from running off on the Romulan ship. He spoke up before Spock had the chance. "Hey, I didn't mean to make you mad or anything. And I'm sorry I yelled at you... you were just doing what you thought right."

"Captain," Spock began, but his shields faltered under Jim's regretful eyes and he decided to stop the act. "Jim, I am not angry with you. You also do not need to apologize for scolding me when everything you said was correct. I acteed irrationally and put lives in danger, including yours. It is because of my actions and my unwillingness to immediately follow your orders that we are now in this situation."

Jim furrowed his eyebrows. "Wait, Spock, this isn't your fault. The Commander would have taken the Ambassador no matter what we did. You don't have to beat yourself up over anything. And I was the one who decided to go onto the Romulan ship."

"I could have easily refrained the Commander from returning to her ship. I had the phaser raised to her but I did not fire. I mistakenly delayed following your orders in hopes of receiving information on the situation, but I delayed far too long and she took advantage of that." It was hard to admit it, but Spock would have had to say it sooner or later when it came to explaining to the Federation why a Romulan ship just appeared out of nowhere and managed to escape with a Vulcan ambassador when the _Enterprise _was right there to stop them.

Jim didn't know which to ask first. "You didn't try to stop her right away?" He didn't sound angry, and he wasn't.

"No, and it is that decision that has created the events that quickly followed. I have, as you would put it, handed the Ambassador right over."

"Spock, don't be mad with yourself."

"It is impossible for me to do so when I have failed you."

Jim shook his head. "Here, have a seat." He patted the sheets and waited until Spock listened to him. "You wanna know what I thought when I heard that the Romulans had you? I didn't think, 'how could Spock have failed' or 'I have the worst first officer ever.'" He gave a small chuckle and placed his hand on Spock's. It was a risky move, but he learned that it was the best way to get Spock to listen to him. "No, I was far from angry. I was worried out of my fucking mind. It took everything I had to stop thinking about you, just so I command this ship properly." He gave a small smile and squeezed the hand just a little more tightly. "And now I'm just glad to have you back."

Spock avoided looking into Jim's eyes but he couldn't do so for long. He gazed into those blue, forgiving eyes, feeling as though he didn't deserve so much _affection_ for doing something wrong. Jim was supposed to be angry at him. Disappointed with him. Instead, the only thing that concerned him was that Spock was safe. It was the last thing he expected and he was unsure as to how to reply.

"I may be back, but the Ambassador is not," he finally decided on saying.

"And we'll get him back. I know we will."

Spock ceased his arguing. He diverted his gaze to the hand upon his.

"Oh, sorry," Jim apologized and began to pull his hand away, but Spock reached his other hand out and placed it firmly over Jim's.

"No. I... do not mind." Spock glanced back up at him and Jim grinned. The affectionate feeling was contagious, but Spock didn't feel embarrassed for holding Jim's hand within his own. He could do it all day. "I am also glad that you are not harmed, Jim. I will ensure that I never put you in danger again."

It became quiet after that. Jim didn't feel the need to say anything anymore. Spock had calmed down incredibly since when he first walked into the sickbay. Amazing how he had been such a mess when he thought Jim was angry with him. He realized that Jim had a great effect over his emotions, and he tried to deny it, but he could only suppress his emotions toward Jim for so long. Ever since that first day they met all those months back at the Starfleet academy, Spock's emotions were a slave to Jim.

Another nurse was walking nearby and Jim discreetly slipped his hand from Spock's. That short instant where the skin of Jim's hand slid across the sensitive skin of Spock's left the Vulcan a little bit... well, breathless. Oh boy. So much for finally regaining concentration.

The nurse walked by without noticing the rather close proximity of her two commanding officers. Jim recalled the night he nearly kissed Spock and decided that it could be worse.

"That was a close one, huh?" he asked chuckling.

Spock returned to reality. Why, yes, they were really close. He wanted to be even closer, or at least have Jim's hands entwined with his own yet again. "What was close?" Just play dumb, Spock. Everyone falls for it.

"Ah, nothing." It became quiet again, and Jim contemplated doing other things to Spock (not _those_ things) but he decided that he'd kept him long enough. "I guess I should let you go now." How he hated saying those words to Spock.

"Yes, I must go to the bridge."

"As soon as Bones lets me out of this damn sickbay, I'd like to meet you in my room. Nothing work related. Maybe we can just play some chess." _Or kiss you for all it's worth_, his mind added. "That sound good?"

"Yes. It 'sounds good.'" Spock replied.

Jim grinned wide. He loved whenever Spock quoted his Standard. "Great. I'll comm you when he releases me. See you then, Spock."

"Goodbye, Jim."

Despite the fact that the day had actually been pretty shitty, Jim couldn't help but feel just a little bit happy.

Sadly, he was no psychic and couldn't foresee what was waiting for him.


	18. Chapter 18

_Wow, this story is almost 20 chapters long. How did that even happen? And how come it's taking so long to get Kirk and Spock together? That may change soon. Or not. _

_I was stupid telling myself that I would get this chapter out soon. I got swamped with homework and preparation for Halloween. Did I really think I would have the time? Ah, well, here I am again. And I'm actually a few days earlier than my usual uploads. (By few I mean one)._

_Wow, I'm really blabbering right now. I think I should end by saying A) Thank you again for all the support and reviews and alerts and favorites and everything! I love you all so much. And B) I was nervous about writing Spock in the last chapter. Some of you called me out on it, but it was either I let Spock try to be a hero or let another fellow Vulcan/his older self get kidnapped by the Romulans. I couldn't really see Spock doing either but I had to make a decision. You see my dilemma, right? Right?_

_Well, enough chatting. Enjoy the chapter! Sadly, I couldn't reach the 5,000 mark this time.._

xxxx

_Chapter 18_

xxxx

T'Lat and Sahlen weren't sure how to respond to the situation. They thought they were going to be dropped off at Eridani Station 18 and that would be the end of that. Instead, they were dragged back to New Vulcan on some impromptu mission, where one of the Vulcan ambassadors was kidnapped by hostile Romulans and taken to who knows where. The blaring red lights that signaled an emergency had stopped but they were required to remain in their room until it was certain that the Romulans wouldn't be coming back. Or any other enemy, for that matter.

Two hours after the crisis, and once it was certain that the Romulans weren't coming back, T'Lat simply couldn't sit and wait anymore. "Perhaps we should question Captain Kirk on our situation," she suggested to Sahlen.

"You may question him. I will return to New Vulcan. I have no business on this ship." He was also worried about his people and what the Romulans may have done in his absence. Even though he was assured that besides the kidnapping of Ambassador Selek, no one was harmed, he had to see for himself.

T'Lat nodded in understanding. "I will likely see you soon, then. I do not believe that I have business on this ship, either."

Sahlen lowered his head in a gesture of goodbye and left the room. He didn't need anyone to direct him to the transporter room.

T'Lat used a mini wall terminal to locate Jim's position before setting off. She walked quietly through the corridors, receiving confused glances from a few crewmembers who had no idea that a female Vulcan was on board. When she reached the sickbay, she glanced inside to see the CMO, who looked at her in surprise. "T'Lat, you okay?"

"I do not require help. I am here in order to speak with the Captain, unless he is not well enough to speak."

"Nah, he's fine. Go ahead, he's over there," Bones replied as he pointed his finger in the direction of Jim's biobed.

"Thank you."

Jim was glaring at the ceiling, still annoyed that he had to stay in bed for so long, when he heard T'Lat approach. For a second he thought it was Spock returning and his heart jumped, but it quickly restrained itself when he saw T'Lat's unmistakable female features.

"Hello, Captain Kirk."

"Hey, T'Lat," he greeted. He felt a little foolish that he thought her to be Spock, when Spock clearly had other things to do. He _was _temporarily in command, after all.

"You are injured."

Jim grinned. "Yeah, looks like we switched positions this time, huh?" T'Lat's face didn't change at all and Jim immediately stopped trying to be funny. Unlike Spock, she wasn't going to humor him. "I already know why you're here. I'm really sorry the Romulans got away with Ambassador Selek."

"It is not your fault. But yes, I was going to question you about the situation. Is there another ship in the area that is currently pursuing the Romulan ship?"

Jim frowned. "No. I still haven't heard from Starfleet yet, though I except I'm going to get an earful from them soon."

"An earful?"

Ah, so oblivious to metaphors. "Meaning they're going to be mad at me for running off and trying to be a hero... again."

"You do this often, chasing Romulan ships?"

Jim laughed. "Nah, just being rebellious. Maybe they'll let me rescue him later."

T'Lat actually pursed her lips. "I see." She remained in her spot and didn't make a motion to leave.

"What else do you want to know?" he asked, assuming that she had more questions.

"We are orbiting New Vulcan and..." she honestly didn't want to finish the sentence.

Jim's smile dropped. "Oh, right. I guess you have to go back now."

"Yes, it is only logical."

Jim was sitting up now and looked at T'Lat sadly. "Hey, when I find a way to get you back out in space, I'll let you know. I'm sorry I can't do much now, since Starfleet still hasn't told me what they think of my idea, even though it's brilliant and there shouldn't even be room for consideration. Point is, I'll find a way to make your life the way you want it. Someone as smart and ambitious as you deserves choices."

T'Lat would have smiled if she weren't Vulcan. "I am still grateful for the effort you have put into my well-being." She truly meant it, too. She couldn't see why so many Vulcans still refused to see humans as the caring creatures they were. Sure, they were illogical, but that was part of what made them so passionate about helping others.

"A friend of Spock is a friend of mine," he grinned at her.

"I shall let you rest now. I do not know when we will have the chance to meet again." She raised her hand in the ta'al and told Jim. "Live long and prosper, Captain Kirk."

Jim attempted to mimic her hand but it ended up sloppy and probably a bit insulting, so he just set it down before he further hurt himself. "You too, T'Lat."

She hesitated as if to say something else, but then she left. Before she got out of earshot, Jim called after her. "I'll tell Spock you said goodbye, too!"

And with that, the rather beautiful and unique Vulcan woman left the room. Jim wasn't going to forget her anytime soon, and he really hoped for her sake that she would get to go back to space again, back to where her heart belonged.

xxxx

"_I can't keep covering your ass for you." _Pike complained.

"I know." He had heard it plenty of times from Pike when he was in the academy and was pretty sick of it by now.

"_In fact, the bigwigs over here and staring to review your record and are trying to take some disciplinary measures."_

That caught Jim's attention. "What are they going to do?"

"_I'm not sure yet, but you better start behaving soon. If those guys pass any judgment, you're not getting out of it."_

Jim sighed and bit his lower lip. "I can't help it. I see someone in need and I have to help them."

"_I know. I'm the same way. If I weren't in this wheelchair, I'd be out there saving lives, too. But the point is, just try to follow the rules for now, at least until these guys are convinced that you're fit for captaincy."_

"I guess I don't have a choice."

"_No, you don't_." Pike fixed his serious gaze on Jim. "_And while I'm at it, I have more bad news for you."_

Jim groaned this time. What was new? "What is it this time?"

"_After you left Aronor II, the Klingons were behaving just fine. But we've been watching them and it seems they've started forcing the Aronorians to manufacture new weapons. My guess is they're getting ready for some big battle. In fact, I'd bet money on it."_

"Forcing them? As in slavery?" Jim may have been angry with the Aronorians for being so foolish before, but he still didn't want something as horrible as slavery forced upon them.

"_Yeah, something like that."_

Jim furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm guessing I"m not allowed to do anything about that, either."

"_Nope."_

He crossed his arms and pointed out, "The Klingons had them on their side- why would they just turn around and betray them like that?"

"_Jim, if there are two things in this universe I don't understand, it's Klingons and women. I can't tell you anything helpful. What I can tell you is that if the Klingons are building up their arsenal, then we better watch out."_

"You think?"

"_Anyway, just hang around there until you get new orders. Don't leave, no matter what happens. And I mean it."_

"Don't worry, I kind of want to _keep_ my job."

"_Good boy. Here's a doggy treat._"

Jim had to roll his eyes. Pike was great, but his jokes were a bit annoying sometimes. "You done?"

"_Yeah, I think so. Pike out."_

Jim stood up from his terminal and stretched his limbs. He still ached everywhere. He had only been out of sickbay for ten minutes before Pike called him up. Bones ended up releasing him a whole three hours earlier than planned, since Jim couldn't stand being stationary for any longer. He just had to promise to stay in his room until the next day and get some more rest before resuming command.

With nothing else to do, Jim hopped in the shower. Spock was still on duty and would be for another five hours. He couldn't stay in his room for that long. The boredom would kill him! Unfortunately, he had no choice. Bones would constantly be checking up on his location, and if he left his room for even a minute, he was going to jab a hypo into him. And Jim hated hypos more than boredom.

xxxx

It was strange how quiet the ship was. Despite all that had occurred in the past few hours, everything appeared to have returned to normal. Spock, however, still had an overwhelming feeling of guilt bundled in his stomach and it wasn't going away anytime soon. He and Nyota both left the bridge, their shifts ending at the same time, and entered the lift together.

"You had me worried," Nyota said once the doors had closed.

"I believe I caused worry for many people," Spock simply replied without looking at her.

Nyota put her hands on her hips and frowned. She wasn't sure how to interpret Spock's tone, or his reply, for that matter. "Something's bothering you."

"Perhaps."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"I have already consulted Jim on the matter."

A small pang of jealousy struck her, but it soon dissipated. At least Spock had talked about it with someone, and that was what mattered. "So you're going to be okay?"

Spock shook his head. "I cannot be 'okay' until the Ambassador has been rescued. However, I will not allow myself to be compromised."

Nyota hesitantly walked forward and a hand on Spock's shoulder. "I just worry about you sometimes. I'm only human." Spock looked at her that time.

"I do not mind your concern. I am accustomed to it."

Nyota smiled. "Good, 'cause I'll be worrying over you plenty more times in the future."

The lift stopped and Nyota removed her hand. "See you later, I guess," she told him as he began to leave.

"Goodbye, Nyota."

His destination, of course, was Jim's quarters. He figured Jim was probably dying from boredom and would gladly welcome his company. As usual, when he walked down the corridor, he didn't pay any attention to other crewmembers. Some of them made the motion to wave their hands 'hello' but then decided they would only receive a raised eyebrow in return and decided against the action. However, one woman waved her hand. He recognized her as Nurse Chapel and nodded his head in return.

"Hello, Mr. Spock."

"Greetings, Nurse Chapel."

She had a small kit in her hands along with a medical tricorder. He eyed the items with curiosity and Christine answered his unsaid question. "Just came from the captain's quarters. I was making sure none of his wounds reopened. He actually listened to Doctor McCoy for once and refrained from strenuous activities. Surprising, huh?" She hoped she wasn't making a fool of herself by speaking to him.

"Yes, that is quite unexpected. However, it is relieving to know that he is finally beginning to follow the Doctor's orders."

Christine giggled, the tension in her posture disappearing. "Yeah, it's a Christmas miracle, isn't it? Anyway, I better be going. See you around, Spock." She blushed after realizing how informal she sounded. "Er, I mean, goodbye, Mr. Spock!"

Spock watched her retreat quickly. Everyone was just too timid around him. He continued his way toward Jim's quarters and was going to hit the buzzer when the doors slid open. Christine must have forgotten to set the lock when she left. He quietly walked into the dim room and spotted Jim laying on his bed, dressed in a white t-shirt and black pants.

His arm was slung across his eyes so he didn't see who had walked into his room. Assuming it was Christine again, he asked, "You forget something?"

"I am not Nurse Chapel."

Jim immediately sat up and exclaimed with a huge grin, "Spock!"

"You are surprised to see me," Spock pointed out.

"Nah, not surprised. Just glad. I've had nothing to do for five hours." He pushed himself off of the bed and went to stand in front of Spock. "I'm glad you showed up."

"Of course. Was it not the plan when you were released from sickbay?"

Jim smiled again. "Doesn't stop be from being happy." He walked over to his desk and plopped himself down in the chair he usually took. Spock followed and took the other seat. A game of chess was already set up and ready to be played.

"With what did you occupy yourself in these past five hours?" Spock asked after he had seated himself. He was amazed Jim had gone that long with practically nothing to keep him entertained.

"Just thinking, mostly," Jim replied a bit too quietly. His tone suggested that he wasn't going to say anymore.

This worried Spock. "What did you think about?"

"You know... stuff."

"Jim, I am unable to read your thoughts at this moment, therefore you will have to elaborate."

Jim made his first move on the chess board, avoiding looking up at Spock. "What all captains in my situation think about."

"The Romulans?"

"Well, I was thinking about that too."

"The Ambassador?"

"Yeah, that too," he replied.

Spock was going to say more but then he let the topic go. He himself didn't want to talk about either of those. He couldn't think of anything else that would be bothering Jim, since they had settled their little argument the day before.

Jim was obviously still too distracted because Spock won the game in five minutes (a record for either of them).

"Perhaps you would be better suited to play chess if you reveal to me what it is that is keeping you preoccupied," Spock coaxed.

"You're really not going to let it drop until I tell you, huh?"

Spock gave him a look as though he were saying 'well, duh' before replying. "I only want to help you in ridding you of your burden," he truthfully responded.

Jim mentally cursed Spock's honesty. He could never say no to it, and would never be able to. He released a sigh and ran his hand through his hair, which was still considerably messy from lounging around on his bed for what felt like an eternity. "Okay, okay. Fine." He stood up from the chair and began pacing. This wasn't an easy matter for him.

Spock was getting antsy just watching him pace back and forth. In one swift movement, he was out of his chair and standing in front of Jim, putting a halt to his pacing. Jim looked up to meet the dark brown eyes before him and had to refrain himself from gulping. This _really _didn't make it easy for him.

"Jim," Spock simply said, softly and comfortingly.

Jim couldn't hold back anymore. He didn't want to. Before he could tell himself that what he was about to do could possibly be a bad idea, Jim had his arms around Spock's waist and his head buried into the taller man's shoulder.

Spock stared at the blond head of hair just below his chin, unable to say anything. Jim was hugging him and he completely didn't expect it.

"Tell me, Spock. Tell me if I'm just raising my hopes for nothing. Tell me if everything between us is meant to be like this, or if I've just ruined everything. I need to know." He spoke into Spock's shoulder, still too afraid to pull away, to let Spock see the fear and insecurity in his eyes.

Spock didn't speak. Instead he lifted his arms and let them rest on the smaller shoulders before him. He pulled Jim closer until their bodies had become one form. It felt amazing to hold Jim like that, hold him so close that he could feel the life within him. It felt as though they'd held each other like that hundreds of times before, yet this was the first time.

Jim smiled against Spock's shoulder. He was so relieved he almost felt like crying, but he held back the tears and moved his arms higher from Spock's waist to wrap them firmly around his upper back. He couldn't count how many times he had wanted to embrace Spock. He also didn't imagine that it could ever feel this good.

"You have not ruined anything, Jim," Spock said, even though Jim already had his answer. It was still comforting to hear it be said.

"I'm glad." He reluctantly pulled a few inches away from Spock, just enough so that he could look into the face of the man he had somehow become so close to in just a few months. Not knowing what to say, he repeated himself. "I"m really, really glad." He wanted to go further, to close the small space between them, but Jim still hesitated. Just because Spock wasn't pulling away from his arms didn't mean that he wouldn't pull away from his lips.

"Is this what has been worrying you?" Spock asked. His arms were still around Jim. He didn't know when to pull them away, not that he ever wanted to.

"Well, maybe... yeah. It was," he admitted with a sheepish grin.

Spock slid one arm from Jim's shoulder and held out his palm. Jim eyed the palm questionably, waiting for Spock to give an explanation. Not receiving any, Jim decided to go with his gut and he let one arm drop from Spock's body. He mirrored Spock's hand and held out his palm, perhaps a centimeter away from Spock's.

Spock pressed his hand to Jim's, simultaneously pulling him closer to his body. Jim was once again with the crook of Spock's neck, but he didn't mind. He watched as Spock entwined his fingers within his, drowning in the overwhelming sense of affection he felt through the touch.

"Was this not proof enough?" Spock asked.

Jim chuckled and tightened his grip. "I never thought much about it," he admitted. Really, how could he have missed the clues?

"You are usually a more perceptive being."

Jim smiled again. Only Spock could be serious and joking at the same time.

Seconds passed as they stood in each other's arms, their hands still entwined. They had to pull away eventually, but neither of them wanted to be the first to break the contact. As Jim stood there, he thought about the relationship he and Spock used to have, or lack there of. First time he and Spock had ever touched was in a duel, a duel where Jim had almost been choked to death. Now those same hands were holding him closely and meant absolutely no harm.

Jim could have let the moment continue on, but he still had to mention one thing. He just had too much on his mind lately. "Hey, Spock."

"Yes, Jim?"

"I may have done something really stupid yesterday," he began. He pulled away and let his hand slide out of Spock's. It was instantly cold.

"You attempted to rescue the Ambassador. That is not a foolish move. I did the same."

"I went against orders in order to do that. And I couldn't even save him. It's not he first time I've made a mistake. I really got the guys higher in command angry, and Pike said that I may or may not get off the hook so easily this time."

"I do not believe that Starfleet would take your command away from you."

Jim was surprised Spock touched on the heart of the problem so quickly. "Yeah, well, you never know." Jim had his arms to himself now, crossed against his chest. He had forgotten about it earlier, but now the worry came back full force. He was close to losing many things important to him, and he had no way to plead his case.

Spock matched Jim's concerned expression. "You are valuable to them," he tried reasoning.

"Correction: I _was _valuable to them. Only thing I've done right so far is save those people from the _Washington_. Everything else? I completely failed."

"The situation with the Aronorians was not your fault. You could not foresee interference from the Klingons. And the only reason that the Romulan Commander escaped with Ambassador Selek is because of my mistake." Spock was letting no one else take the blame.

"Still, this isn't how things are supposed to be. I just... I wish I could do more for everyone." He stared despondently at the floor.

Spock wanted to offer more support but he found that he couldn't. He hopelessly watched Jim as his mood darkened. "You will find a solution. I am certain of it."

Jim was going to shoot him down again, but he knew that Spock was only doing what any caring person would. Instead he took in the comfort and tried to let it reverse his mind set. "And you're rarely ever wrong, huh?" He managed a tiny smile, though he still felt a heavy weight residing in his chest.

"Yes, and I am certain that your status is not threatened by Starfleet, no matter what you may have done, or what they think you have done."

"Yeah..." Jim lifted his eyes from the floor and looked at Spock. "Thanks."

"It is never necessary to thank me, Jim."

Jim glanced over at the chronometer and grimly noted the time. "I wish you could stay longer. I've already got to wake up early to go down to the sickbay for a physical. Bones just can't to seem to accept that I'm perfectly fine."

"A physical is necessary."

"Hey, don't agree with him." Jim attempted to pout, but it turned into a grin. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow on the bridge, then."

"I shall see you then. Goodnight, Jim."

"'Night Spock."

Jim watched him leave the room before falling onto his bed. He was already dressed for sleep and didn't need to do much but slide under his bedsheets. Once he was comfortable, his mind wandered back to how it felt to hold Spock. He still couldn't believe it had actually happened. He panicked for a second when he realized that it could all have possibly been a dream, but then he figured that if it were all a dream, he would have woken up already.

After the minor fright went away, Jim closed his eyes and released a relieved sigh. For the second night in a row, Jim was able to sleep well due to Spock. He didn't know when the change had occurred, but he was grateful for it.

Xxxx

_A/N: Good? Bad? Do I get hugs for being nice to the boys for once? Go ahead and let me know in a review! And don't ask why I put an A/N at the end of a chapter, considering how I never do it, because I have no idea why. _


	19. Chapter 19

_Um, wow. There's really no reason for why this chapter was so late, besides Thanksgiving and classes. Oh, and maybe the fact that I had no idea what to do with this chapter and edited it about a million times. It's only 3500 words, but I felt I'd go crazy if I tried to make it any longer. Why am I having so many problems? Well, you see, I know how I want the story to end. I know what I want the last chapters to be (not in detail, but I know the basic plot) so now it's just getting there that will be difficult. Because believe it or not, we are actually reaching the end. I can't say how many more chapters are left, but shit's about to get serious._

_I know I haven't been thanking everyone personally for the reviews, but I want to say again that they mean so, so much. I write this for you guys so it makes me happy to see when you are all happy. So, thank you again for the lovely reviews! They truly make my day._

_Oh, and I'll admit now- I'm not consistent with times, distances, days or anything like that when it comes to space travel. So let's pretend for my sake that I know what I'm talking about. It'll make everyone happier._

xxxx

_Chapter Nineteen_

xxxx

Jim really hated sitting around and doing nothing. He especially hated it when he _knew_ that he could be doing something else.

With still no official orders from Starfleet, the _Enterprise_ had remained in orbit above the Vulcan colony for over twenty-four hours. The reason why? To keep watch. But there was really nothing to watch over. Jim was more than positive that since the Romulans had what they wanted, they weren't ever coming back. Someone had to go after them and teach them what happens to anyone who messes with the Federation. Of course, Jim wasn't going to go after them anytime soon if he wanted to keep his job. He wouldn't have minded it so much if the Federation would at least send someone, _anyone_ after Commander Tavel.

The news about the Klingons building up their army- or whatever it was they were planning- was no less comforting. Jim wanted to do something about that too. He figured he should have taken the situation with getting the Aronorians to join the Federation a little more seriously.

He currently sat in his command chair, staring at nothing in particular. Everyone else on the bridge also sat around without any serious duties to attend do. Hikaru and Pavel had the day off so two different officers filled the navigator and pilot's seats. Nyota and Spock remained, however.

"How much longer do they think we can sit around here and do nothing?"

Jim thought that for a second he had just used telepathy, because those were his exact thoughts. But then he glanced over at Nyota and saw that she had been the one to speak. "We're not helping anyone by staying here and they know it."

"I know how you feel, Lieutenant, but I can't do anything."

"But you can," she replied almost immediately. Jim gave her a questioning look and she continued. "Who are the top officers on this ship?"

"That would be me, Spock, Bones and Scotty."

Nyota nodded. "And if you four got together and pestered Starfleet to give us an actual job to do, they might just listen."

Jim thought about it before responding. "What if Starfleet still doesn't know what to do with us? That's been the case so far, so I doubt they'll just say, 'okay, you can go do whatever now.'"

"That's why you tell them your plan." Nyota pointed out. Was her captain really not getting this?

"But I don't have- _oh_." Jim bolted from his chair. Of course he didn't have a plan; he needed to come up with one. "Spock, meet me in the conference room. Uhura, tell Scotty, and Bones to do the same. Lieutenant Whitman, you have the conn." Jim was out of there quickly with Spock right on his heels.

"Jim, may I ask what you are planning?" Spock questioned once they had both left the lift and were nearing the conference room.

"No, because you're going to help me."

Jim entered the room and seated himself down. Spock naturally took the seat beside him. "I do not believe that I can assist you. I have already attempted to find a solution to rescue the Ambassador _and_ prevent the Klingon's forces from strengthening, but there was no possible way to accomplish that."

"Well, then. We've just got to try the impossible, don't we, Spock?" Jim said with a cocky grin. He had to make Spock believe as much as he did that no-win-scenarios don't exist.

Scotty and Bones walked into the room looking confused. Bones looked more annoyed than confused, though. "Whaddya need me for this time?" he asked as he ungraciously plopped himself into a seat opposite of Jim. Scotty took the one beside him and looked between his captain and the CMO.

"I sure hope your loyalty to me is as strong as your need to whine, Bones."

"Why? What do I have to be loyal about? Are you planning something crazy, Jim?" His eyebrow scaled higher with each question he asked.

"Aye, Captain. I'm guessin' that's why you brought us here," Scotty added.

Jim didn't know if he should feel glad that his crew knew him so well or offended that they would jump to that conclusion so quickly. It certainly didn't matter, though, and Jim quickly addressed the problem. "As you all well know, Starfleet isn't doing anyone a favor by making us sit around in this part of space twiddling our thumbs. And we all know I can't do anything right now because they'll judge my every move and use it against me, unless, of course, they grant me the permission."

"Those block-headed old coots won't listen to any half-baked plan of yours, and you know that," Bones threw in. He wasn't being a pessimist, honestly. He just knew how things worked.

"Doctor, Jim has summoned us here to help him conceive a plan that Starfleet cannot refuse," Spock said. He really didn't appreciate Bones' attitude toward Jim at that moment. "So it would be most beneficial if you ceased your arguments and instead focused your efforts on the task at hand."

Jim and Scotty had to force back their laughter at the doctor's expression. His slightly agape jaw portrayed his shock perfectly. Did Spock really just tell him to 'shut the hell up and quit your whining' in Vulcan colloquialism?

Jim patted his friend on the shoulder and said, "You heard the man. Now let's get planning."

xxxx

Nyota could easily admit that she got bored doing her job. There were no transmission to receive or intercept, no cryptic codes to crack, no strange alien languages to translate- it was all very dull. She kind of wished that Jim had asked her to go to the conference room too, because right now the only helpful thing she was doing was keeping the cushions warm for whoever took her seat the next shift.

She had her head resting on the console before her when the device in her ear started beeping. She was alert the moment she heard the sound. Her fingers flew over the console and within seconds her ears were greeted by cold and harsh voices. Her eyebrows gradually migrated toward her eyes, creating a network of creases. At first she thought that maybe she had just picked up a stray transmission. However, a few more seconds of listening proved otherwise. This message was meant for _them. _Her eyes widened as she cursed slightly under her breath.

She didn't waste any time contacting her captain. "Are you still there, sir?" she asked once she had established contact with the conference room.

"_Yeah. And we haven't done much progress-"_

"That can wait. You need to get up here right now." She let the urgency in her voice bleed through. She wouldn't have been able to stop it, anyway.

"_Right. We're on our way." _

Curious crewmembers on the bridge looked in the Communication officer's direction with worry evidently sketched into their faces. Others prepared themselves for what ever it was coming up.

Nyota wasn't done making calls. "Hikaru, we're going to need you. And bring Pavel with you."

Hikaru didn't care at all that his day off was being cut short. He had a duty and that always came first. "_We'll be there soon." _

Nyota sighed as she placed her face in her hands and rubbed her temples. She reran the message to ensure that she'd heard everything right. After repeating it two more times, it was evident that she'd heard every single word correctly. To think that they had been doing nothing the _whole damn time_-

The bridge doors weren't even all the way open when Jim ran through them and went to Nyota's side. Spock, Bones and Scotty quickly joined him. "What happened, Lieutenant?"

She had to clench her fists to stop them from trembling and to help her regain some of her control before she spoke. "They're coming here. The Klingons are coming _here_ to New Vulcan."

Scotty and Bones exchanged shocked glances. Jim held back his curse words. "Where are they now?"

"I- I don't know."

"The Klingons were last seen in the vicinity of Aronor II," Spock quickly filled in.

With enough information at hand, Jim knew just what to do. "Contact Starfleet." It wasn't long before a connection had been made with one of the higher-ups at Starfleet. "Admiral Nogura." Of course, it just had to be Jim's least favorite of the higher-ups.

"What do you need, Captain Kirk?" His tone showed that his contempt for Jim still hadn't dissipated.

"Sir, you are probably aware that the Klingons have captured and forced the inhabitants of Aronor II to help them mass produce weapons, and that everyone ignored their distress and didn't bother saving them."

"What the hell is this, Kirk-"

"And by allowing the Klingons to continue building up their little army, they now think they're strong enough to weaken, possibly destroy, the Federation." Jim could have jumped right to the point, but he wanted them to see their mistake. If that happens, they might actually listen to him without doubting his ability.

"You still aren't getting at any point, here. If you're trying to get in trouble with me for speaking out of line, you're doing a good job of it," he growled.

"I do have a point, sir. Just minutes ago my Communications officer received a message from none other than the Klingons. They nicely informed us that they're on their way to New Vulcan, and I can't tell you it's not because they want to throw a party."

Nogura paled and leaned forward in his seat, his wide girth allowing him only a few inches to move. "You're serious? Send us the message immediately."

Jim gave Nyota the cue to do as Nogura said. "Considering there's only one way to stop them from getting any closer to New Vulcan, my crew and I are going to intercept the Klingon ships."

"You can't do that. You have no authority!"

Jim wished that this stubborn, selfish old coot wasn't his superior, because he wanted to knock him into tomorrow. "If I don't do it, than who will? Why are you going to sit around and waste time coming up with a plan when I've already got one? The Vulcans have been through enough, and I'm not letting you, or anyone else who thinks they're the only ones capable of making decisions, risk all of their lives."

Nogura clamped his mouth shut and swallowed loudly. Jim was right. He was always right. When he spoke, his voice was weaker than before as the argument started to leave him. "You may be jeopardizing your career by doing this."

"Not if you allow me to." Jim didn't want to resort to this, but he saw no other door open for him. "Please, Admiral. I can't- I _won't _let anyone die because of a treaty I failed to establish. If there's even a smallest chance to prevent this war, or whatever you want to call it, from happening, then we need to take it."

The Admiral regarded him silently. His face had regained color but the worry and anxiety could still be seen in his dark eyes. "You cannot fight them off alone," he pointed out. "I'll request all ships equipped for battle in the vicinity to rendezvous with you."

The tension that had built itself up in Jim's chest melted away. "Thank you, sir."

"Don't thank me. I'm only doing this because we have no other good options. I will send a message later with more details." He reached for the button to end the transmission, but before he pressed it, he said with as much sincerity as he could muster, "Good luck."

The bridge was quiet afterward. Hikaru and Pavel had walked in while Jim was talking to Nogura so they were well informed on the situation at hand. They took their rightful places in the middle of the bridge and asked no questions.

Jim, who was still standing from when he entered the bridge, finally took his seat. He cleared his throat and held a button at the arm of his chair before speaking. "This is your captain speaking," he began, his voice exiting every speaker on the ship. He knew what he wanted to say. He knew what _had _to be said. But despite those facts, it was still difficult. He needed to use the perfect words. "It comes without saying, but time and time again we've faced challenges that not many other people would have ever faced. You've gone head-on into those obstacles and handled them with professionalism and success. Not once have you ever disappointed me, nor will you ever disappoint me.

"Soon we're going to be facing yet another challenge- one that will take everything that you've got." He paused for a moment as he thought of the best way to put his next words. "We've saved thousands of lives in the past, but not without sacrificing something else. What we're about to face may call for the biggest sacrifice yet. I'd like to say that we can pull through without any casualties, but when the enemy is this dangerous, I can't guarantee that, as much as I hate to say it. That's why I'm telling you that I'll never be disappointed in you no matter what you do. If you'd rather stay here in the Vulcan colony, you're completely allowed to do that. No one is obligated to do this. We'll remain in orbit for one hour before heading for our destination. If you wish to leave, there will be someone in the transporter room to beam you onto the planet." He repressed his sigh and added, "That is all. Kirk out."

Bones placed a hand on Jim's shoulder. "You're doing the right thing, Jim. We have no choice but to go against those damn Klingons, and you know it."

"I know, Bones, but it doesn't make it any easier to put everyone's lives in danger." Jim felt another hand on his other shoulder.

"We'll stick with you till the very end," Scotty comfortingly said. "I'll make sure this lass here is ready to go against anything the Klingons throw at us." With that, he and the doctor left the bridge.

Spock hesitated for a moment at his station before making his way over to his friend. Jim looked up at him and felt his heart constrict even more. God, he was putting _Spock_ in danger. Spock placed his hand on top of Jim's and said very quietly, "Do not worry, Jim. This is my choice, also." His hand was gone before Jim even realized it, and soon the brief moment they had shared was over.

xxxx

Five hours had passed since the _Enterprise_ left New Vulcan behind. Engineers were ensuring there wasn't a single thing wrong with the weapons or engine, and doctors were preparing every last medicine and device necessary to save lives, yet all the preparations did little to ease everyone's anxiety. Aronor II was over thirty hours away, but Jim knew that the Klingons wouldn't just remain in one place and wait for them. They would soon run into each other, and Jim hoped his back up would have arrived before then.

"Anything on the scanners?" Jim asked Spock.

"There is engine residue, but I see no ships in the area."

That made Jim's internal alarms go off. "Shields up. We're not risking anything."

Several more minutes passed on the bridge without any words being exchanged until Spock spoke. "Captain, the sensors are picking up a vessel. It appears to be following us."

"What kind of ship?"

Spock rarely ever replied with just one word, but he found no reason to add anything else to his simple reply of, "Romulan."

A mixture of gasps and exclamations traveled around the bridge. "Was this all some sort of trap?" Hikaru asked angrily.

"I don't know, but we're going to figure out." Jim clenched his fists and looked in Nyota's direction. "Lieutenant, hail them."

"Yes, sir."

If damaging the viewscreen would have harmed the individual within it, Jim would have blasted a hundred phaser shots straight into that little piece of technology. His blood boiled at the image of the one woman who had slipped through his fingers but a day ago. "Tavel," he practically growled, staring into the already all too familiar facial features. "What kind of trick is this?" He tried to keep his temper under control for everyone's sake but it wasn't working.

"This isn't a trick, Captain Kirk," she replied. She didn't have her usual air of confidence and to everyone's surprise, she actually looked a bit worried.

"Oh, really? Then what the hell are you doing here?" She opened her mouth to reply but he wasn't done speaking. "And where is the Ambassador? And you better answer both of these truthfully, because if you don't I swear to God I'll make you regret it."

"I am here to offer my assistance. As for the Ambassador, I will not inform you of his location, but I will tell you that he is safe."

Jim still didn't believe any of her words. "That's not good enough. Give me some solid answers."

She shook her head and pursued her lips. "I know what the Klingons are doing," she began explaining.

"I'm sure you do. After all, you're probably one of their allies."

Tavel straightened her back and gripped the armrests on her chair. "I would never allow my people to become allies of the Klingons. You would be wise to remember that. I have already given my purpose for being here, and that is to offer my assistance. Do you not remember what I told you before? I said that soon you would need my help, and that time has approached us faster than expected."

"I didn't believe you the first time you told me and I won't believe you now. What reason do you have to help us? You have nothing to gain from it. You Romulans never do anything out of the good of your heart."

"I won't waste my time trying to convince you. You do not need to know all of the details, but I am indeed gaining something by being here. Right now there are more Klingon ships than you can handle heading straight for your direction. I have commanded a few of my ships to keep them at bay, but they cannot hold them off forever."

Jim wasn't the only one doubting his ears. Not a single soul on the bridge was sure they had heard Commander Tavel correctly. Jim eyed her suspiciously. "Whose side are you on?" He asked, his tone demanding an answer.

"I side with no one." She had loosened her grip on the chair, but she was still slightly aggravated. She already had to go through the same thing with Ambassador Selek, even though he was much easier to convince. However, a certain defiance had rooted itself in the old Vulcan's soul after she had escaped with him in her custody. Until the older Spock saw for himself that Tavel would truly follow her word and insure his people's safety, he refused to offer any assistance. That threw a wrench in her plans but as long as she emerged in the end with the power of Red Matter in her hands, it didn't matter to her.

Jim let his back relax a little but he never dropped his eyes from Tavel. "I don't have the time to be arguing with you."

"And I feel the same about you. So I will make it short by making a promise. You may take Neevin as a hostage, and if what I say is true, you will not harm him. But if I turn out to be a liar, as you so strongly believe me to be, then you may kill him."

Neevin could be seen shifting in his seat, his eyes wide and surprised. This was definitely not in the plan.

Jim caught Neevin's actions and contemplated the idea. He wanted to say no, but he saw that Tavel wasn't going to leave him alone anytime soon and finally decided that he'd take her word for it. Of course, he'd still want the hostage. "Fine. Send him over, and I'll see just for myself if you're a liar or not."

Tavel finally allowed herself a smile, although with her face it was more of a sneer. She was yet again another step closer, and it felt wonderful. "Glad we could come to an agreement, Captain Kirk."


	20. Chapter 20

_(-For some reason, FFDN didn't send out the chapter update, so I took this down and reuploaded it. Hopefully this helps-_

_So, I honestly can't believe it's been 2 months, I really don't have much to say. Except that I'm really sorry this took so long. But, er, better late than never, right? College, holidays, leaving town for vacations, visiting family, getting sick, generally being lazy/unmotivated/having a giant writer's block- these all tend to result in a chapter that's so inexcusably late, it makes even me feel ashamed. However, I will NOT abandon this story, unless I die. It means a lot to me to finish it, but if I rush, I don't think I'll be too happy with it. So, er, bear with me and my writing moods please? Everything will be done soon, I just have to figure out how to reach the finish line..._

_Now, some of you seemed worried in your reviews- __do not fear,__ this story is definitely K/S. Just keep reading and you'll see for yourself._

_Also, even after 3800 words, I still haven't reached any battle scenes. I was expecting to write that this chapter, so I guess it'll just be in the next chapter? (I am so not looking forward to that)_

_With that said, I can't wait to hear from you all! The support you've given me is amazing, and I'll never stop being grateful for it. I'm sorry I don't reply to all the reviews, but I want you to know that every single one is welcomed and loved. So thanks again for still being here and for the feedback you've given me so far. I'm sorry again for giving you a fright and probably making you think I had left you all. So far the best apology I can give is this chapter, so please enjoy it._

_I have one warning for this chapter: __things might get a little steamy.)_

xxxx

_Chapter 20_

xxxx

Jim had somehow managed to forget about it so far. He was too concerned with current affairs for it to even skim his mind, but he let his guard down for one second, one _tiny _little second, and it occurred to him. Worry pooled his stomach in an instant and he was left distressed and close to panicking. He tried to shrug it off, but with nothing to distract him, it kept nagging him, gnawing on his consciousness, but he couldn't avoid it. No one could the truth.

Because it really had finally occurred to him; he and Spock could not only become injured in the oncoming battle- _they could die_.

Jim felt that if he were to ever lose Spock, he would be living with regrets for the rest of his life. And if Jim were to die, Spock was surely to have the same dilemma.

Jim didn't realize he was gripping his chair so strongly until he looked down at his hands. He forced them to cease their trembling and looked up to where Spock was standing. As usual, he looked perfectly calm and collected as he studied the screen's data before him. But Jim knew better than to take a guess at Spock's emotions based on his appearances alone. He knew Spock was bothered by all of this as much as he was. However, he didn't know which aspects were bothering him most. A part of Jim was hoping that Spock was also worried by the fact that they could lose each other forever.

Jim painfully averted his attention from Spock and tried to convince himself that he'd be fine, that Spock would be fine, that all of his friends were going to get through this. He even went as far as telling himself that no one on his ship was going to die. It wasn't until after that thought that Jim realized he was just fooling himself. There were casualties during the Narada incident, so there were definitely going to be casualties now. He couldn't cheat his way around that fact.

But... if Spock really did die? It hurt more than anything to think about it. It had been a rough ride, but he and Spock had finally reached a new level of friendship, though friendship was putting it too lightly. The feeling of Spock's warmth merging with his in that fateful embrace- it all still felt so fresh, so _right. _

Would fate really tear them apart so soon?

Even with the room charged with emotion and wanting, Jim wasn't able to reveal all he wanted to Spock that day. And looking at the situation, it seemed unlikely that he would ever get the chance. He couldn't just leave it like that, though.

Taking a deep breath, he stood up from his chair and softly spoke, "Spock." Only Spock heard the quiet calling and turned to face Jim. "Come with me," he said just as quietly. Then more loudly, "Sulu, watch over things while I'm gone."

Spock followed him without question – although confusion was clearly in his eyes- to the lift, where Jim told the computer the desired floor. The whole time, the voice in his head was repeating 'you don't have time for this,' yet Jim shrugged it off. If there really were the possibility that he or Spock might die, then now _was_ the time. He wouldn't have time later, because there wouldn't be any.

Still Spock kept his thoughts to himself. He couldn't predict Jim's moves, and he couldn't read his thoughts, but he knew that Jim wouldn't drag him away from his station if it the matter wasn't at least a little bit important.

When the lift doors opened, Jim remained standing, his gaze on the floor. Spock looked from Jim to the doors before speaking, "Jim."

"Hmm?" he looked up at Spock, realizing that was the first time they had made eye contact since Jim dragged him into the lift.

"The lift has stopped," Spock simply observed.

"Ah, right."

Spock didn't bother hiding his concern as they stepped out into the hallway. "You are distracted."

Jim let out a laugh that sounded too pathetic to him and not very convincing. "Yeah, that's one way of putting it."

Spock moved forward as though he were going to place his hands on Jim's shoulders but quickly straightened his posture. "And I am one, if not the main reason, for your distraction."

Jim ignored the comment and instead said, "Y'know, I'm just wasting our time here. Let's head back to the bridge and get some work done-"

But he stopped speaking when Spock placed a hand on his shoulder and said quietly, "Jim."

Jim felt all the tension and anxiety is his chest threatening to burst out. Before he could respond, Spock continued speaking, "You cannot win a battle in this state. It is better for you to reveal what is bothering you." Spock realized he didn't have much room to talk, considering his tendency to be reticent about anything even slightly personal. "In turn, I will tell you know what is... on my mind."

Jim glanced around the hall to ensure that no one was nearby before grabbing Spock's wrist and leading him back to his quarters. Spock took it as a sign of agreement and followed him.

The Captain's quarters were cold and dark. The coolness sank into Jim's skin, sending a small shiver through his muscles. He really couldn't tell whether the shiver was truly from the cold temperature or something else. Spock stood in the middle of the room, watching him and awaiting him to begin speaking. However, Jim wouldn't open his mouth, or even make eye contact with him. He could see the tension in his furrowed eyebrows and his clenched fists. "Perhaps I shall begin," Spock spoke, shocking Jim with the sudden sound. Jim regarded him quietly afterward, though he still wouldn't- or couldn't- make eye contact. "It is undeniably true that we are both at risk of losing our lives in the oncoming battle."

Jim's eyes shot up to meet Spock's. One try. He got it in _one try_.

Spock continued, but with hesitance. After all, he was about to do something he never, ever did. "Now that I can anticipate what may happen in the near future, I do not want to repeat past mistakes." It was his turn to lower his eyes from Jim, recalling everything that had led him to this decision. He struggled greatly with his next words. He was proud of himself for managing this much.

Jim would have responded with something, but he noticed the struggle Spock was facing and stayed silent. He knew exactly what Spock meant by 'past mistakes,' and he also knew how hard it was for him to relive that memory again.

"Jim, you have done much for me and aided me even when it was inconvenient for you. I do not understand the reason behind your actions, but I am thankful for what you have done. I realize I was incredibly difficult and unwilling to cooperate at first, and that it frustrated you greatly, yet you still remained adamant until you saw that I was no longer in distress. That is more than any... friend has ever done." Spock raised his dark eyes from the ground and once again placed them on Jim's features. His hands, that were subconsciously clenched behind his back, released their hold from each other and slid down to his sides. Jim was surprised to see them so stiff and calm, when Spock's visage implied just the opposite.

Spock continued, "Examing the situation now, it is hard to believe that we once shared contempt for each other." Spock said 'contempt' quietly, as though it hurt him to even think about hating Jim Kirk. And in all honesty, it did. How could anyone hate him? "Yet you have become my friend. I am glad to consider both you and Nyota as friends. However, with Nyota…" He paused and considered his next words very carefully. It wasn' t often that Spock had to stop between sentences. He only did so when Jim was invovled. "Perhaps what I felt for her before was affection, but that is no longer the case. Even when she and I were involved, our interactions never surpassed what you witnessed in the transporter room. Nyota never had as much influence over my emotions as you do now."

Jim knew how Spock supplied information- he never just stated something simply. He would give the facts and offer personal insight, and leave the rest to his listener. What he was doing now was no different, and Jim was quick to pick up the pieces and fit them together.

'_...never as much influence... as you do now.'_

Oh. _Oh_.

Jim restrained an exaggerated reaction. His heart floundered about, unable to calm itself any longer. The thumping in his ears grew louder as he recalled everything before; their ambiguous conversations, their casual touches, all those exchanged, completely unnecessary glances reserved for just each other.

If Bones were present, Jim could imagine him saying, "For being such a genius, you can also be a real dumb shit at times."

Even after the overly affectionate hug he and Spock shared not too long ago, it never honestly occured to him that what was going on between them was much more than just some BFF thing. He thought that Spock was just being touchy feely because... well, he hadn't actually given it much consideration before.

Spock quietly regarded him as he often did, though when Jim didn't reply for a full twenty-three-point-five seconds, he became a little bit concerned. He decided to throw in a little bit more since it didn't seem that Jim was going to speak anytime soon. "What I am saying is-"

"Spock," Jim finally breathed, a large and goofy grin forming on his face. "_God, Spock." _He didn't even say anymore as he set his hands on Spock chest and started directing him backwards, toward the bed. When they reached the mattress, Spock fell down onto it with Jim still above him. He gazed up into those startling blue eyes, unable to speak and not knowing how to react to the current situation. The smile on Jim's face still remained, possibly even larger than before. "How am I supposed to follow that up?"

It took a moment for Spock to completely register what Jim had asked, because, you know, it was kind of hard to concentrate when Jim Kirk was _straddling you_ and was so close to your face that you could feel his hot breath skitter across your cheeks and send goosebumps down every inch of skin-

Jim interrupted his thoughts when he chuckled. "It was rhetorical." He placed his head down on the bed, tucking it into the crook of Spock's neck. He wasn't the best with words, unlike Spock, so he'd portray what he wanted through other means. "I can't tell you how long I've wanted to be here, doing this," he said into the soft skin, once again causing Spock to react in a way he never had before. He turned his head a little more so that his lips were brushed up against Spock's enticing neck. "Too many things I want to do to you."

"Jim," Spock choked out, his voice finding him at last. "I..." Okay, maybe not.

Jim was surprised, though no doubt aroused, that Spock was breathless sooner than he thought. In fact, they got to the bed sooner than he thought. _Hell_, he didn't even think they would make it to the bed at all! But there they were, within each other's reach and having absolutely no regard for personal space.

"So let's just forget about where we are for a moment," he continued talking into Spock's neck. "And focus on just us."

His kisses started out slow and tender as he moved from Spock's neck to following the line of his jaw until it led him to his lips. He kissed him long and hard, and Spock was completely okay with it. He returned the kiss with as much as force as he was receiving it. Not a tiny gap existed between their combined lips.

However, the contact wasn't sufficient enough, and neither of them could hold back any longer. They had been refusing themselves this pleasure for far too long. Warmth and desire sparked into life, and what started as a gentle, loving kiss, soon turned into both men eagerly sucking at each other's lips. Spock pulled their bodies closer than what was thought phsyically possible.

Jim pryed Spock's lips apart with his tongue and delved deep into the foreign mouth. It was more mind-blowing than Jim had ever dreamed. His imagination had done a horrible job when it came to the details of Spock's tongue, such as how hot, luscious and absolutely addicting it was. He made sure to thoroughly explore every corner and curve of Spock's mouth, because this was seriously the best damn make-out session he'd had. Ever.

Spock was fairly new to everything that Jim was doing with his body, but he was a quick learner. As his tongue continued to lap against Jim's, his hands were busy discovering the wonders of Jim's bare flesh underneath that bothersome shirt. He felt the desire and pleasure radiating from Jim from this simple act, which only made him want to discover what else made Jim fall completely apart.

In one, hasty movement, Jim was suddenly the one being straddled. Instead of being surprised, he was impressed by the display of strength. He seperated their mouths to breathlessy say, "So you like being on top, huh?" Spock didn't even reply as he lifted Jim's shirt up and over his head to reveal the skin he had been sampling earlier with his hands. His lips once again met Jim's body, just above the hem of his pants, causing Jim to give a small gasp, inaudible to all but Vulcan ears.

The reaction was just what Spock wanted, but he didn't stop there. He lifted his head and once again descended his lips upon Jim's flesh, this time on his collar bones that were just begging for attention. He dragged his teeth along the bone, following its shape up until he reached a shoulder, where he planted short and wet kisses that followed yet another trail up to Jim's toned neck.

He sucked at the skin there, long and hard until he was sure that Jim was unable to feel that patch of skin anymore.

"_Fuck_, Spock. Where did you learn-" he stopped to catch a moan in his throat before it escaped. Spock had found_ that _spot. The one just below his ear and a little bit towards the back. Spock was a very quick learner.

Jim wanted to go even further. His body was screaming for more, and as much as he wanted to indulge in his needs, he couldn't allow it.

All that they were doing—all this touching, feeling, grabbing, kissing, _clawing—_it was just a dance of desperation. They were desperate to heal all the previous wounds before new ones tore open.

And unfortunately for them, they didn't have time to heal any wounds.

Spock sensed Jim's mood change and haulted his actions, suddenly feeling very worried. "Jim?"

He was once again face to face with Jim and saw the tension in his eyes. He lowered himself off to the side and sat up, still watching Jim carefully.

Jim sat up and sighed, placing his head in his hands. "Now I know for sure that I'm not dreaming." When Spock didn't reply, he continued, "If this was a dream, I wouldn't be so damn afraid of losing you." He looked down and let out a heavy sigh that left him feeling empty, cold. "I'm sorry. For once we could've forgotten all this..."

"Jim, please do not apologize. It is for the better that we do not continue. There are too many duties that require attention."

"Yeah, you got that right."

Spock did frown that time, and reached over to hold one of Jim's hands in his own. The gesture was suprisingly comforting, and the panic that threatened to break out of his chest a moment ago was once again behind bars. They were thin, rotting bars, but they still did the job.

"I keep thinking, 'what if?'" he began, after they had been silent for a litte while. "What if... you _do _die?" He looked back up and saw the same question repeated in Spock's eyes. He shook his head sadly and continued, "It drives me crazy thinking about it, but I can't _stop_ thinking about it. I know we signed up for this job and we knew what risks we were taking, but I didn't think..." he paused, sighing. "I avoided thinking about losing people I care about. I've avoided thinking about losing _you_. I'd rather risk my own life than see you die."

"I would risk many lives, my own included, to save you," Spock replied.

"But I'd like that neither of us end up dead," he honestly replied.

Things got silent again as both officers searched for what to say next. Jim was first to speak, which wasn't a surprise considering Spock had let most of what he had to say off his chest already.

"I'm really bad at these kinds of things. But—uh—you're really important to me, Spock. You've figured out it by now and I'm just pointing out the obvious, but I have to say it." Turning it into words just made it feel more real to him. "I really wish we'd chose a better moment to..." he gestured between the two of them with his free hand, "to do this. But this isn't even what's bothering me the most."

Spock squeezed Jim's hand tighter. He hated seeing Jim like this. "What is bothering you?" He asked, though he already knew. He knew everything Jim was feeling, and then some. They were both in this together, and the best way to make it better was to share the pain.

"I can't lose you, Spock. I need you."

Jim didn't use that word lightly, and god knew he was actually a little terrified of it. Needing people never left him any happier in life. Needing people meant getting_ hurt_- when he depended on them most, when he would give the world to hear them give him sort of advice to make his life just a little bit more clear, all they did was turn away and leave.

This type of longing was more significant, though. It wasn't the simple need a child had for his mentally distressed mother's hugs, or the need he had for his absent older brother's advice and guidance. This surpassed all of those. Jim needed Spock because he loved him.

But _dammit_, Jim could't go through life lying to himself, making it seem to everyone else that he didn't need anyone, because he couldn't avoid the truth. This man holding his hand now was the single source of power that fueled his unsure and hurting spirit.

Spock leaned in and placed a small kiss on Jim's lips. He couldn't stand it. Seeing Jim sad was breaking his heart. "And I need you. I am here for you, Jim. I intend to be here for many years."

Jim hid his bottom lip between his teeth and bit back the tears that were steadily welling up in his eyes. He reached out for Spock, pulling him close in an embrace. He couldn't seem to keep his hands off of him lately.

Spock welcomed it, because, really, he could hold Jim all day and never grow tired of it.

Except he couldn't. Already they had undoubtedly spent enough time away from the bridge, and until someone intvented a device that could stop time whenever, he would never get the chance.

Jim continued to hold him close for a couple more minutes, attempting to even out his breathing and surpress the weight in his chest. "I guess I should put a shirt on, huh," he said, forcing the tension away with light conversation.

"Unless you prefer to return to the bridge only partially dressed, then it would be wise for you to do so."

And that was the end of it. They were out of time, and Jim had to be his normal self again, and Spock had to pretend he didn't have emotions, as usual.

Jim smiled at Spock's response and pulled away from him to stand up and go grab his shirt—did he really throw it that far?-before slipping it on over all the tiny red marks on his chest.

He reached his hand out for Spock to take, and he did so without any hesitance.

Jim reached up to pat down the many stray hairs atop Spock's head then pulled back to look at his handiwork. "It's kind of obvious what we've been doing. If anyone asks, just say that you have the Vulcan cold, or something."

"Do you truly believe that will fool them?" Spock asked. The 'Vulcan cold' had symptoms entirely different from his state of disarray, and everyone on the ship was fairly intelligent, so Spock highly doubted the plan would work. Also, he just liked to question Jim and see how his logic worked.

"I'm hoping."

"And what about the state of your condition?" his eyes fell on his marks of ownership, blazing red on Jim's neck.

Jim smiled, "No one has the guts to ask me." He was going to joke about something else, but he let it go. Instead he settled for, "Hey, Spock?" Spock looked at him with full attention. "Thanks. For being here, and listening. Heck, thanks for existing."

"You have done the same for me."

"Well, let's get going. Before we start making out again," he said with his cheeky grin.

Spock nodded and followed him out of the room. He wanted to remain in there and continue talking, because despite all the talking he already did, he still had much to say. Such as telling Jim that he was hopelessy in love with him, but he hoped maybe he had gotten his point across despite not verbalizing it.

Jim had his thoughts on something else. He was attempting to reinforce his optimism. He did so by telling himself that he'd just had the best make-out session ever with Spock, so maybe he could die happy. But it wasn't so much kissing Spock that made him happy, but finally being able to show him how he truly felt. The tongue-to-tongue action was just a very generous bonus.

Now all both of them could do was hope for the best, and fight this oncoming battle to the best of their abilities. And who knew, maybe they would both survive and could live happily ever after afterwards.

xxxx

_(Hello. My name is Mrs. Biggest Cock-Block in the Entire World. _

_I hope you won't hate me for it. In fact, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It really was difficult to write, and I seriously almost cried with joy when I finally finished it. I'm still very nervous since I don't write this kind of stuff often, but I'm hoping I didn't screw up TOO badly. Go ahead and give me your eternal love- or hate, it doesn't matter- in a review. I may just update faster next time.__)_


	21. Chapter 21

_I think this is where I dig myself a hole of shame and crawl into it. But considering that I've made you wait __**seven **__months already, the hole of shame can wait for its turn. _

_This honestly__ wasn't on purpose. And I'm really sorry, INCREDIBLY sorry if I scared some of you into thinking that his story had been abandoned. I know I've said it before, but I will say it again- I will never, EVER discontinue this story. Even if updates may take me longer than any of us would like, you can always rest assured that this story will have an ending. My goal is to finish before the end of this year, and considering how we have 2, MAYBE 3 chapters left after this one, that goal doesn't seem too impossible for me._

_Because I'm still too busy to put all that I want into this chapter, I'm going to leave you with a short update._

_It isn't much, and it's not exciting, but it's enough to let you know that I'm still here for you._

_And as usual, I am always amazed by the support you all show in your reviews. Heck, not even just your reviews. If you've read, favorited, or added this story to your alerts, you've given me more confidence than you could ever imagine. Thank you so much._

_Please let me all know what you think with reviews. Or maybe you want to throw mud at me for making you wait so long. That's okay too._

xxxx

_Chapter_ _21_

xxxx

Nyota was highly perceptive. Perhaps it was her ability for picking up the tiniest nuances in speech that carried over to her observations of everything else, but whatever it was, her ability of deduction was freakishly good. The moment Jim and Spock's boots had touched the floor of the bridge, she swiveled around in her chair and before a full second had passed, her eyes widened. Quickly afterward they reduced to accusatory slits as they fell on Jim's face, and her expression was clearly saying 'what the _fuck_ are you thinking' but Jim gave her a grin and a small shrug in response. He had nothing to apologize for. After all, _he_ was the one who somehow found the control to pull himself away from Spock's body. Who knew what they would be doing to each other right now if he hadn't.

...Okay, not the best time to think of things like that, Jim.

Once Nyota was done glaring at Jim, she looked to Spock, who tried his best to keep his face devoid of any emotion, which would have worked had it not been for the fact that his heart was still pounding against his chest. It had only been moments ago that he had had his captain in his arms and was engrossing him with kisses. He flinched under her gaze. Not because she was angry, but because she was worried. He felt the shock and concern within her, and almost felt guilty for it.

Both commanding officers took their respectful seats, reminding themselves of the situation ahead of them.

Other officers in the bridge gave curious glances but didn't let their gazes linger for too long. Jim was glad for this, but Spock was infinitely more relieved.

Over the next hour, the two would occasionally glance at each other, locking eyes for just a second before trying to divert their attention elsewhere. For Jim, Spock's presence was more distracting than it had ever been.

Now, he was still able to snap right back to attention and command the ship if anything crucial happened that moment, so he told himself that his behavior was perfectly normal and that he could allow himself all of the sideways glances of Spock that he wanted. Spock appeared to be allowing himself the same liberty.

But could anyone really blame them, Jim thought. He and Spock- they _had_ something now. In fact, they'd probably had something all along, but the realization only hit them that day. Spock's fingers still ghosted over his skin, and the taste of his mouth lingered on all of his taste buds, making his skin tingle every time he vividly recalled the memory. He could have died happy that moment, although living was always the more desired option.

He was finally snagged out of his thoughts when Nyota spoke up. "The USS_ Sheperd_ has arrived in the vicinity and is sending us a transmission. Do you want me to patch it through, Captain?"

"Yes, Lieutenant. Open up the transmission."

Before him appeared an older looking man with a scowl glued to his face. "This is Captain Malik of the USS _Sheperd_. Am I speaking to Captain Kirk?"

"That would be me. You are one of the reinforcements, right?" Jim responded, trying to decipher the scowl on Malik's face.

"That would be us, but may I ask a question before we discuss anything else?"

Jim nodded. "Of course."

"Are you aware of the _Romulan _ship following you?"

Oh, right. He kind of didn't tell anyone else about that. "They're our allies in this fight," Jim quickly responded, hoping to get rid of the hostility in the air.

Malik looked as though he were stuck between crying and laughing. "Normally I would question anyone who believes he can trust a Romulan, but you've gotten us out of a mess before so I'll just go along with it."

Jim opened his mouth to speak, but was once again interrupted when he heard Nyota announce another incoming transmission. "Patch it through, Lieutenant."

Right next to the screen containing Malik, another one appeared, revealing Commander Tavel looking more annoyed than Jim had ever seen her. "I demand to know why this ship has its weapons locked on to me."

Captain Malik responded quickly, "It's not a question of 'why.' It's a question of '_why shouldn't I?" _

Jim momentarily wondered how this guy ever got through negotiations. He also considered grabbing some popcorn and watching the argument about to ensue in front of him, but he decided better against that. He needed everyone's cooperation. "Captain Malik, please. I already explained why she's here."

"You explained nothing," he quickly threw in.

"Commander Tavel is our ally. Already she has a small fleet of her ships holding off the Klingon's advancement. Her intentions are the same as ours." Even as he said it, Jim contemplated the truth of the last sentence, but he already decided to let her true intentions slide when he agreed to fight along side her. There was no point in doubting his decisions now.

Directing her speech toward Malik, Tavel spoke up, "What the young captain here says is true. My fleet has been battling with the Klingons, and from the updates I've received from them, they are doing a good job of it." When Malik's suspicious glare didn't let up, she continued, "If it is any consolation, Captain Kirk has a member of my crew as hostage. The hostage is the second highest in command on my ship, in fact."

Malik shifted, setting his eyes on Jim. "This is true, Captain Kirk?"

"Yes, sir. And I have reason to believe that this wasn't just a trick to get me to trust her," Jim Replied.

Both Jim and Tavel saw Malik running all the facts again through his head and deciding for himself if he wanted to trust the Romulan woman or not. His dark eyes once again turned their gaze to Tavel.

Tavel repressed a sigh. "Am I going to have to do the same for you?" She narrowed her eyes upon asking the question.

"No, that's not necessary," Malik finally admitted, letting his shoulders drop and turning to face his crew. "Take your weapons off the target," he commanded. Afterward, he turned his attention back to the screens in front of him. "Just so you know, if she so much as turns in the wrong direction, she'll have lost all my trust."

Jim nodded, "I understand," then added, "Thank you, Captain Malik." He was just relieved to know that the two weren't going to be at each others' throats for the rest of the trip.

Malik nodded his head in acknowledgment, accompanied with a low grunt. "Moving on to business," he began, "I received a very brief explanation of the situation before they sent me and my crew off, although the Romulans obviously were not mentioned. So would you mind telling me what's really going on right now?"

Jim shifted nervously. He knew that Malik would not approve of his decisions. Or Spock's, for that matter. Maybe he would leave the part out where he beamed on to the Romulan to grab Spock's defiant ass and drag him back but neglected to grab Ambassador Selek while he was at it. "The _Enterprise_ was on its way to investigate a Romulan ship that was sighted near the Vulcan colony. The commander of the ship, Commander Tavel here, was on planet, making an arrangement with Ambassador Selek. I don't know the terms of the arrangement so don't go asking me." Jim had to quickly add the last sentence when he saw Malik open his mouth, obviously ready to question him.

"Unaware and suspicious of the commander's purpose for being planet side at the time, I sent down one of my officers to find her and stop her from returning to her ship." He saw Spock and Tavel glance at each other out of the corner of his eye. "However, the commander made it back to her ship, with both Ambassador Selek and my officer as..." Here he hesitated, because using 'hostages' would just alarm Malik again. Tavel finished the thought for him.

"The ambassador had come to an agreement with me and was my guest, while the officer was my hostage."

Jim flinched, since that still made it sound bad. But it was the best it would ever sound, he supposed.

Malik focused his eyes on reading Jim's expression. He saw the hesitation and knew that the young captain was not explaining everything. "How did your officer end up in her hands?"

"Quick reflexes," Tavel answered. "But do not worry. Neither of the men were harmed."

"That didn't answer-"

"It was because of my inability to follow direct orders, Captain Malik," Spock interrupted. "Tavel took my moment of hesitation and used it to her advantage, obtaining the weapon I had attempted to use against her and using it to insure my cooperation."

Jim refrained from assuring Spock that it wasn't his fault, but he held his tongue in front of the elder Captain.

Malik pursed his lips. "From what you've been telling me so far, seems like I should have kept my weapons aimed at the Commander."

"No, wait- let me finish. It's not as bad as it sounds, I promise." Once we has sure that an argument wasn't going to break out after a few moments of silence, Jim continued. "I'm just going to make this quick, considering our time frame. Commander Tavel released Spock, kept Ambassador Selek and flew away. We stayed behind when Starfleet commanded us not to do _anything_ except stand by and keep an eye out for more Romulan vessels. Not to mention, if I tried to ignore their orders—their _stupid_ orders—again, I would probably lose my command."

"Why would they keep you on Vulcan when the threat was obviously gone?" Malik threw in. "Why the hell would the Romulans come back if they got what they wanted?"

"I've been questioning those guys ever since they started commanding me. That whole time we were sitting around, the Klingons were making their way to the colony. We only knew of their planned arrival because my communications officer, Lieutenant Uhura, picked up one of their transmissions, in which they clearly stated that they were on their way. Starfleet didn't know what to do about it so we took matters into our own hands."

Malik nodded, finally starting to understand the situation. "It's a good thing you did, otherwise they'd still be discussing their next plan."

Jim frowned, knowing that what Malik said was true. "Why are they doing this? Why don't they just take some action for once?"

"Normally I'd call it cowardice, but I know these men and women better than that." He sighed, shaking his head in pity. "But from what I can tell, they're scared. Scared out of their wits. We still haven't recovered from the _Narada_ attack, and it will be a long time before we do. They've been so focused on trying to repair all the damage that's been done, they haven't paid any attention to the bigger dangers out there, but now that the threat is near and very real, they don't know what to do."

Jim clenched his jaw. "So they've chosen to do nothing? They don't get that we're the only ones left who can keep this side of the galaxy safe. Scared or not, we have lives to protect."

"And I think you've finally drilled that into their heads, Captain Kirk. No longer are we wounded animals. That's why we're all here right now, with more enforcements on their way, ready to face whatever our enemies throw at us."

Jim allowed himself a small smile, "Then what are we waiting for? Let's show those Klingons who they're messing with."


End file.
